In an attempt to tone down the rhetoric I'm officially changing the definition of the Timerland List to "people deserving of a swift kick to the SHINS with Timerland boots". There, I've done my part. To a degree. I'll do more of my part shortly when I formally List some, but not all, of the people who disgraced themselves in Tuscon this week.
Honestly, I could go on and on about the terrorist attack - and I have to a degree - but the President's uplifting address last night provided, in my opinion, a perfect launching point to move on, to pledge to never forget the lives lost, to keep the wounded in our thoughts and (if it's your thing) prayers, and to honor the heroes of the tragedy, of which there are many. And since it's Thursday, I can't think of a better return to Normalcy than the Timberland List. Those new to the List can check last week's entry to see exactly what it entails.
#10. NBC Entertainment. More specifically, whoever decided that the Thursday Night sitcoms didn't need to return last Thursday or this Thursday. It's bad enough you postponed Parks and Recreation till midseason so you can shove your insensitive and poorly timed Outsourced down our throats, but now you're 2 weeks behind the rest of the network January reboots? How much longer must I wait for Ron Bleeping Swanson?!?!?!?!?!?
#9. Pandora. Bob Dylan. Led Zepplin. Woodie Guthrie. Green Day. Guns N' Roses. The Beatles. The Grateful Dead. Springsteen. Simon & Garfunkel. Hendrix. This is a sampling of the artists which I have either "Liked" or "Requested" over the last year on Pandora. So why, might I ask, do you keep spamming me with commercials every 5 songs alerting me to a special pre-sale for the New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys at Madison Square Garden? You have a better chance of selling me smallpox.
#8. The New Orleans Saints. I don't bet on that many football games. I'll throw a small amount of money in the account every September and play around, nothing crazy, rarely make it to Columbus Day. This year was ok, found a couple bucks sitting in the account at the end of the year, and figured hey, might as well double it before withdrawing on the Defending Super Bowl Champs against The Worst Team To Ever Make The Playoffs. Nope. Any Given Sunday, Ed can get screwed. Silver lining though is this awesome re-cut of Marshawn Lynch's run.
#7. Oil Investors. I despise Energy trading. I'm in no way, shape or form even remotely qualified to offer even the slightest of investment advice, but Christ, the whole notion of betting on people needing vital resources and driving up those prices just seems like something so evil and inhumane that it would give Dick Cheney a chubby. I should not be paying $3.09 per gallon in January.
#6. Antonio Cromartie. Dipshit New York Jets corner back revs up the nonsensical rhetoric calling Tom Brady an asshole. Great. More useless chatter. Forget about the fact that I tend to agree with him for a second, what I can not fathom for the life of me is why the entire Jets franchise, from their footsniffin' coach to their class-lackin' fans need to raise the bar to the point where anything short of a Super Bowl championship is considered an abysmal failure? I've never seen a team that's won so little talk so much. And they're going to look like even bigger dipshits Sunday when the Pats wipe their behinds with them. Also, bonus T-List points for forcing me to root for the Patriots.
#5. The Jersey Shore. It's baaaaaaack. So your facebook feed will now be littered with updates about grenades and laundry. Maybe I'm missing something, because I know way too many smart people who eat this shit up like a $4.99 Prime Rib Buffet, but if I wanted to spend 30 minutes with some Class A Douchebags, I'd just go out in public more often.
#4. LeBron James. No backstory needed on what became of the Cleveland Cavaliers once The King vacated his thrown to go play Robin. LeBron left his hometown team, the fans that made him the most beloved athlete in a generation and they were naturally pissed (and a pitiful excuse for a pro basketball team). He takes out a full page add in Akron thanking them for their support throughout the first 7 years of his career, but what does he tweet when the Lakers practically double up the Cavs the other night?
@KingJames Crazy. Karma is a b****.. Gets you every time. Its not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!
You stay Classy LeBron!!!!!! He just doesn't get it. Maybe it's time for another useless elaborate Nike commercial. Loser.
#3. Speaker John Boehner. Now we get a bit serious. The new Speaker of the House was invited to the memorial service in Tucson, Arizona last night. The President of the United States offered him a seat on Air Force One with other national and Arizonan Dignataries. But no, the 3rd Person in line for the Presidency declined so he could stay back and host a RNC Fundraiser. You could almost pinch your nose and deal with it if you're the Minority Leader. Or the Majority Leader. But Speaker of the House is supposed to transcend all of this. An absolute utter disgrace that made his opening, emotional statement to the House earlier that morning seem as phony as his tan.
#2. Sarah Palin. There's really nothing more to say about her that I, or countless others, haven't said already. But if you really want to juxtapose Obama's America against Palin's America, yesterday was all you needed to see. I'm sick of talking about this asshole, so I'm going to let Politico's Jonathan Martin sum it up:
At sunrise in the east on Wednesday, Sarah Palin demonstrated that she has little interest—or capacity—in moving beyond her brand of grievance-based politics. And at sundown in the west, Barack Obama reminded even his critics of his ability to rally disparate Americans around a message of reconciliation.
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