90 For 90s: #90 - #81

Nothing lightens the mood on a dreary, rainy, overall shitty Friday where I have to run home early to wait for Cablevision to come explain why their service is so useless and overpriced like some 90's music. Taking me a little longer than I'd like to churn these out, but if you missed it, here's the introduction, and the "next" 90 that just missed the cut.

#90: WONDERWALL, Oasis. This song now reminds me more of Charlie Pace singing it for change on a London corner more than it does my first semester of college, when I thought these clowns were the next big British thing.

#89: SET A DRIFT ON MEMORY BLISS, PM Dawn. Making the list in no small part to the sampling of the Spandau Ballet.

#88: MAMBO #5, Lou Bega. If "American Idiot" was the defining song of the Bush Era, this would kinda have to be the same for the Clinton years, no?

#87: HOW'S IT GONNA BE?, Third Eye Blind. Slightly whiny with just enough subtle hints of heroin. A true 90's standard-bearer. Bonus points for being used in "American Pie" - the ultimate comedy of the decade.

#86: SEXUAL (LI DA DI), Amber. I have absolutely no idea why I love this song. None at all. I despise club music. But there's something seductive about it that taps in to my psyche and reminds me of all the times I never spent all night in a Hoboken club, on E and grinding cheap 90s girls, who weren't as good as cheap 80s girls but kick the snot out of cheap 21st Century girls.

#85: FLAGPOLE SITTA, Harvey Danger. Further proof that by simply being used in "American Pie" can make me elevate a ahitty one-hit wonder to near-elite status. Goddamn that movie was awesome.

#84: HEART SHAPED BOX, Nirvana. Should this be higher? Eh, probably. Blasphemous as it may be, and after 16+ years of listening to them, I still find about 1/2 of Nirvana's collection to be indistinguishable from the rest. Not to say it's not great or classic, and the other 1/2 is sheer genius. I'm just sayin'.

#83: FAR BEHIND, Candlebox. Initially thought this had top 25 potential. Then I really broke it down. No, it doesn't.

#82: FUEL, Ani DiFranco. I'll let you in on a little secret - from time to time, I love me some lesbian rock. Not often, and there aren't too many artists in the genre I enjoy, but let's just say I was pretty bummed to find that "Closer to Fine" by the Indigo Girls was cut in 1989.

#81: ZOMBIE, The Cranberries. Why was there such a lack of politically astute music in the 1990s? Oh, that's right. We had leadership that wasn't hellbent on breaking the world.

Foxy Lady

From this morning's NY Times -yet another lurid tale of the palace intrigue that is the Republican Party and it's extended family.

After the publishing powerhouse Judith Regan was fired by HarperCollins in 2006, she claimed that a senior executive at its parent company, News Corporation, had encouraged her to lie two years earlier to federal investigators who were vetting Bernard B. Kerik for the job of homeland security secretary.
s. Regan had once been involved in an affair with Mr. Kerik, the former New York City police commissioner whose mentor and supporter, former Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, was in the nascent stages of a presidential campaign. The News Corporation executive, whom she did not name, wanted to protect Mr. Giuliani and conceal the affair, she said.
Now, court documents filed in a lawsuit make clear whom Ms. Regan was accusing of urging her to lie: Roger E. Ailes, the powerful chairman of Fox News and a longtime friend of Mr. Giuliani. What is more, the documents say that Ms. Regan taped the telephone call from Mr. Ailes in which Mr. Ailes discussed her relationship with Mr. Kerik

Now, if I were a conservative, I'd turn right around and say "So what, Keith Olbermann donated to Democratic candidates and MSNBC hated Bush and you hate America. Ronald Reagan is awesome." All fine and dandy, but that's beyond the point. There is an obvious and indisputable difference between MSNBC and FOX: 

• MSNBC has liberal leaning personalities in prime time on opinion based shows. It does not shy away from taking Democrats to task, and it's daytime news broadcasts are apolitical, and they rarely, if ever, give any credence to any left-leaning conspiracy theories. 
• FOX News is a genuine mouthpiece for the Republican Party, run by former GOP Executives and donors, and they routinely give credence to society's lowest common denominator with features on tripe like Acorn and birth certificates. 

All of this is fine by me. FOX has the right to broadcast GOP Talking Points and Teabagger Propoganda just as much as the Discovery Channel has the right to broadcast a reenactment of a raptor fighting a triceratops, or MTV has the right to deify douchebags. It's a free country.

Just don't tell me it's "news".

Obama Coming Home?

From the National Journal....

President Obama has decided that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional and has asked his Justice Department to stop defending it in court, the administration announced today.

"The President believes that DOMA is unconstitutional. They are no longer going to be defending the cases in the 1^st and 2^nd circuits," a person briefed on the decision said.
The administration will formally notify Congress later today. The act sought to restrict single-sex unions.

 I have to admit I'm a little shocked. I fully expected Obama to eventually make moves in favor of marriage equality but I expected it to be well after his re-election, and even then, likely after the 2014 midterms. This is an interesting development. Is he picking a fight in the culture wars? Is he trying to make the GOP/Teabaggers run from the economy and to same-sex marriage - in turn exposing them for what they really are?

It's nice for a change to be pleasantly surprised by the administration's actions. While I'll temper any enthusiasm until the full story is told, this is absolutely a step in the right direction for the civil rights issue of our day. Stay tuned. 

Blue State Solidarity

From The Maddow Blog....

This was the scene right below TRMS World HQ at about 9:15 a.m. New Yorkers(? Transplanted Wisconsinites? Packer Backers?) protesting in solidarity with the public employees of Wisconsin. Of course, New York City public employees have problems of their own right now.

The Teabagger Manifesto

If you listen to Speaker Boner, Paul Ryan, Batshit Crazy Michele Bachmann or any of the other Teabaggers in congress, nothing is off the table when it comes to spending and deficit reduction. Not Social Security. Not PBS. Not Medicare. Not even the Pentagon.

But NASCAR sponsorships? Woe! Are you crazy? How can you even suggest such a drastic proposal? Minnesota Representative (and alleged Slut)  Betty McCollumn dared to make that exact recommendation. This is what she got in response:

There's really no need to point out the grammar, syntax, punctuation or hell, even the blatant racism in the fax from this run of the mill NASCAR fan. Though my wife did get a major kick out of how the person we'll refer to as "Redneck X" had no issue dropping the N-Word or calling a freely elected female of Congress a "Slut", but didn't seem comfortable spelling the word "Fuck" properly. 

I don't want to play the dangerous game of painting all teabaggers, conservatives, Pentagon Groupies or Nascar junkies with a broad brush, but does this not seem emblematic of sheer hypocrisy of the teabagger movement? I tend to lean towards this being the ultimate, comprehensive symbol of the Teabagger movement: 

• Complete misuse of the term "Marxism". I would think that the Federal Government (in this case, the Pentagon) withdrawing from funding a private enterprise (NASCAR) would be quite the opposite of Marxism/Socialism/Communism and all of it's perceived manifestations. 
• Overt racism. I don't really think I need to point out the obvious do I? I mean for Christ's sake, what the phuck does the Attorney General have to do with this? Other than being black? 
• So inherently Southern/Confederate/Red State. The FBI is investigating this (OK, by proxy Holder is involved AFTER the fact) and let's just say, I'll be 100% shocked if it's found that this fax originated in Vermont. 
• 100% absence of facts. There is a news clipping, followed by a series of slurs and insults. No mention of anything practical whatsoever. 
• No solution offered. Like every Teabagger demand or ideal, there's no inkling as to how to rectify the problem at hand, be it real (like Social Security) or imagined (Marxist N-Word Thugs and Rectum Sniffing Sluts trying to ruin your ability to watch cars go round and round). 

The same troglodytes who demand that we keep the government out of Medicare are now arguing that we keep our filthy government hands in our private sports associations. 

Without Question,

Troglodytes are enemies of the US Constitution!

Education to all Troglodytes! 

Foreign and Domestic!

Timberland List Thursday: 2/17/10

We're officially one month until St. Patrick's Day, the northeast is looking at some 50-degree days and Pitchers and Catchers have reported - so there's plenty of reason to celebrate. However, a true cynic never rests, and in this day and age, there's no shortage of people, places and priests to be skeptical of, so the List must go on...

#10. Drama Queen Athletes. Yes, Albert Pujols and Carmelo Anthony, I'm looking directly at you. In the Post-Decision world of sport, nobody has any tolerance for your "Where Are You Going?" Charades. I don't care if either of you stay or go, I just don't want hear about it every day.

#9. Colin Powell. Never liked this guy. Not one bit. Always thought he was safe face for conservatives to point to so they could prove they weren't racists. And for some reason unbeknown to me, liberals gave this guy pass after pass. But the Iraq Disaster Whitewash continues, as now Powell suddenly is concerned about the lies that got us into war. Spare me, general. You're the one who took a couple of oaths about defending us from all enemies foreign AND DOMESTIC. Fail.

#8. Michele Bachmann. She's becoming quite the regular on The List. Bachmann hates taxes. Until the First Lady suggests deducting equipment that mothers use to breastfeed their children. Then all of a sudden it's Big Bad Socialist Government telling you how to feed your children. Once again, Twitty's missing the point. I'm convinced that if Sasha Obama said she likes My Little Pony, you'd have 50,000 crusty old white people on the National Mall demanding The Government stops telling their grand-kids what toys to play with.

#7. Donald Trump. Attention Whore. Now he's considering a run for President? There's only about 500 easy punchlines for this but I'll pass. Just go away.

#6. Haley Barbour. Last week's #1 slot on the T-List was Mississippi for their consideration of a license plate honoring the founder of the KKK. This week, Governor Barbour, the ultimate Good Ol' Boy refuses to condemn the action. This should do wonders for Boss Hog's Presidential Nomination aspirations though.

#5. Barbara Streisand. I always get in trouble when I speak candidly about my opinions on Babs' career and perceived relevance, so I'm going to tread carefully here. Let's just say I was surprised that I was watching the Grammys way past my bed time until she performed. I was down for the count within 2 minutes.

#4. Watson The Jeopardy! Computer. Maybe I just missed an Apollo Moment in the history of technology, but I have no desire to watch an X-Box linked to Wikipedia compete on a game show.

#3. Texas. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Read. Like many places (more on that in a bit), Texas faces a perceived budget gap and will exact it's revenge on the backs of educators. Proponents of laying off teachers point to Texas' population growth being the fastest in the state, thanks in no small part to the fact that they're on top of the standings in REPEAT Teen Pregnancies. In the ultimate irony, they also lead the nation in tax payers dollars spent teaching Abstinence-Only education. So if you want to put these nuggets together, you get: Texas tells teens not to fuck, Teens fuck, Teens have kids, kids go to school, school drowns in red ink. Must be the English Teacher's fault.

#2. Justin Beiber. 15 minutes. Up. I normally love Canadians but this dweeb's on the verge of ruining it for everyone.

#1. The Anti-Education Brigade. In Wisconsin, the Governor's attempting to take away the right for teachers to collectively bargain. The latest in a string of states to punish their children in an effort to not pass any debt onto their children. Yup. I don't get the logic either. It all started with New Jersey's very own Jabba The Cut, Chris Christie, and it's snowballed across the nation. Nobody has said education spending in principle has always been perfect or efficient. But the solutions doled out by Republican after Republican has been to go after the teacher making $40,000 per year and ignore inflated administration salaries and redundancy, inefficient facilities, and useless unfunded mandates.

To a conservative, there is no industry or institution that can't be top-heavy enough for their liking. Not the schools. Not the Pentagon. Certainly not the banks. It's only a matter of time before the darling "Privatization" rhetoric heats up. Ronald Reagan would be proud. (And that's never a good thing)

Re-Post: The Christie Educashion Massacre

I originally posted this almost a year ago when Chris Christie began his crusade against working class New Jerseyans and their ability to provide a top notch education for their children. Now that Jabba the Cut's all over the mainstream media and being hailed as a savior and viable 2012 candidate, as far as I'm concerned, it's more important than ever to expose the real goals of the GOP war on Learning....

3/4/2010
Over the past two weeks, there's been quite the brouhaha here in Jersey over Obese Governor Chris Christie's budgetary assault on education. The outrage seems especially heightened on facebook, most likely because those of us against the Governor's cuts know how to use things like computers. Already, school districts across the state are in the process of layoffs, targeting the arts, special needs programs, and just about everything but the disgustingly  disproportionate salaries of the school administrators. Despite the fact that the budget still needs to be passed by the State Legislature, most districts are proactively bracing for the pending Armageddon.


I can - most people can - go on and on about why New Jersey's finances are a joke or the countless reasons why property taxes are so high, but that's a subject for a doctoral dissertation (Or, it can be summed up with three words: Shared Bleeping Services). What's being lost in the commotion of the proposed funding slash is that this has absolutely nothing, nada, zilch to do with "the tough economic climate". Aside from the bailed out bankers, nobody's really turned the corner yet and cuts are anticipated and expected in every sector, be it public or private. The story here is the magnitude to which the governor is going to dismantle the state's public education institution and it's employees.


Do teachers and other state employees enjoy better benefits than those of us in the private sector? Without a doubt. But you need to keep in mind: 25 years ago, that wasn't the case. States had to enhance these benefits to entice workers because benefits like this were the status quo for most working Americans. Somewhere along the lines, a certain Alzheimer's suffering President made it his mission to dismantle the American Worker's Unions and trickle up every last penny to the super-rich. The end result was predictable: the average American would now work more for less, in terms of salary and benefits, while the lucky few would prosper beyond their wildest dreams.


State employees did not have their unions broken and maintained what were once "standard" but are now considered "elaborate" benefits. Instead of the American worker demanding benefits as strong as the public sector, the teachers have been boogey-manned into pigs at the trough, living high on of your tax paying hog. And this attempt to bust the union is only part of Christie's agenda.


The other part, more subliminal but intensely dogmatic, is continuing the trend of the Republican Party's "learnicide". Statistics do not lie: The enemy of the Republican Party is an educated voter. Take your own personal life experiences. Who would you consider to be the five smartest people you know? Do you think they voted for George Bush? John McCain? Or if you're life depended on it, would you guess they voted for President Obama, or John Kerry, or Al Gore?


The reliably Republican voters I've come across in my life, more often then not fit one of three molds:
1. Religious Crazies/Jesus Freaks
2. People in a tax bracket I can only dream of reaching
3. Angry, white, working class people, most likely men.


The first two I understand - the Democratic Party is not the place to be if you want to put the Ten Commendments in every school or outlaw the term "Happy Holidays". Nor should it be a home to millionaires looking to become billionaires at any expense.


But it's the last part that always baffled me - for they're the largest part of the Republican Base. You can't get to 271 Electoral Votes or 225 Seats in the House by building a coalition of Born Again Oil Tycoons. No, the GOP has for a generation now, convinced millions of people to continually vote against their best interests. Some of the same people who have lost their jobs, their insurance, seen their savings and benefits become a shell of what they once were, and struggled to put their kids through college show up like clockwork every November and go straight down the Republican line, even though 30 years of Conservative rule has only led to two wars and the worst economic crisis in nearly a century. Even though 30 years of Republicanism has led us from The Lone Superpower to China's prison bitch.


To make a long story short: They don't want you to realize this. There's a reason a Harvard Graduate War Hero like John Kerry can lose to a C-Student Diserter like George Bush: The GOP's made education a stigma.


And now Chris Christie wants to bring that New Jersey. If you were to look at the most educated states in America, you'd notice two remarkable trends (aside from NJ's top 5 ranking that Christie wants to sink):
1. None of the top 15 states, ranked by highest percentage of adults with at least a bachelor's degree, voted Bush-Bush-McCain over the last 3 election cycles.
2. None of the worst 15 states voted Gore-Kerry-Obama.

There's no way to sugarcoat it: The Republican Base is dumb as dogshitt. And they need your children to be stupid if they're ever going to survive another generation. So don't buy the baloney that Christie's selling you about across the board painful cuts. This is geared at the mortal enemies of the GOP: literacy and comprehension.

Timberland List Thursday: 2/10/10

Another Super Bowl Sunday is in the books. It's usually the most bittersweet day on the calendar. We celebrate the culmination of another football season but mourn it's end. The minute the final whistle blows, we're as far away from more football than we can possibly be. To use a Christian analogy, it's like the mourning of Good Friday blended with the jubilation of Easter. Well, it would be, if Jesus was threatening to lock out all Christians if they didn't give him more money. Which I wouldn't put past him.

Anyway, because SBS is one of the defining events of the year, it's no surprise that it's inspired a couple of entries on this List. Surprisingly though, Christina Aguilera didn't make the List. Yeah, she F'ed up. I'm not defending her, quite the opposite, I don't care for her. But I'm not going to feed into this frenzy that she's some Anti-American flag-burning terrorist. Especially not when our President is a Muslim Socialist. 

#10. Ronald Reagan's Groupies. They're hard and wet because Sunday was the Gipper's 100th Birthday. Get over it. The dude pretty much is responsible for every pile of shit on America's plate. 

#9. Slash. Won't play with Axl. Will play with Fergie. Enough said. 

#8. Mark Sanchez. What's the age of consent in New York to lick somebody's feet? You're a 24 year old multi-millionaire quarterback in New York City. You can have any woman from the hottest 21 year old NYU Co-Ed to the most botoxed 45 year old Cougar on the Upper East side. Instead, you start a romantic relationship with a 17 year old highschooler. I'm going to paraphrase my buddy Doc, comparing this to Lawrence Taylor's most recent run in with the law: "LT is the old mutt you want to backhand when he drops a donk on the floor. Sanchez is like the cute puppy who gets a pass. But at the end of the day, shit is still shit."

#7. Starbucks. The never ending battle of Ed vs. Starbucks continues. I don't recognize your sizing scheme where small is tall and you have made up words for medium. Sometimes, the barista will simply oblige and fulfill my order without question. I appreciate that. What I have little tolerance for is when they either try and correct me (You mean Venti?) or repeat the order back to me using their lingo (One Tall Coffee). Don't lecture me on how to order a damn cup of coffee. Also, what's with this "Barista" nonsense? How come we didn't make up a word for the minimum wage employee who prepares a Whopper? And the tip jars. Jesus, the friggin tip jars. I asked you for a black coffee that I have to put my own sugar in, not a Long Island Iced Tea. 

#6. Donald Rumsfeld. The latest co-conspirator is on his make-nice tour, attempting to rewrite history. Along the way he made sure to praise Rush Limbaugh for being one of the only people willing to speak frankly about "Islamists". Note to those who seek pension reform: Maybe we can start by not giving pensions to war criminals? 

#5. Phillip Dennis. Speaking of "Islamists", the founder of the Texas Tea Party says not only does he have major problems with Islam as a religion, but he's not sure if Barack Obama is a Muslim or not. And in the greatest example of Tea Party Intelligence, within the same interview, chastised Obama for attending Jeremiah Wright's CHRISTIAN church.

#4. Jane Seymor. Why is it that every time the calendar calls for me to buy a gift for my wife or my mother, I'm inundated with your commercials for your gumball-machine jewelry inspired by your goddamn finger-painting projects? Also, who the hell are you? Does Kay Jewelers really think men between the ages of 25 and 55 are going to be inspired by "Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman"? Was nobody from "Falcon Crest" available?

#3. The Huffington Post/AOL Merger. First off, I didn't know AOL was still around. Second - can you think of an example where a major media merger went down and media content became MORE progressive? Me neither. 

#2. The Black Eyed Peas. Wow. What an abysmal half-time performance. As enjoyable as my facebook and twitter feeds were during their "show", nobody should ever have to sit through that type of visual and audio diarrhea. The robotic auto-tuning. The dancing snots. The vocal homicide of "Sweet Child O'Mine". The Tron-on-crack costumes. I know the NFL's responding to the backlash from last year's abysmal Who performance and how the world has been scarred by the image of Pete Townshend in skinny jeans with his 75 year old belly flab hanging out and all, but if you're trying to capture mass appeal to a younger audience, you can't do it in a way that's both "safe" AND "good".  

#1. Mississippi. You can keep telling me that my image of the South is off base and it's not 1963 anymore. I'll keep referencing stuff like this: 

JACKSON, Miss. – A fight is brewing in Mississippi over a proposal to issue specialty license plates honoring Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest, who was an early leader of the Ku Klux Klan.
The Mississippi Division of Sons of Confederate Veterans wants to sponsor a series of state-issued license plates to mark the 150th anniversary of the Civil War, which it calls the "War Between the States." The group proposes a different design each year between now and 2015, with Forrest slated for 2014.

90 for 90s: Intro and B-Side

I remember a commercial for some deodorant or body spray (scam) or aftershave a few years back, and the tag-line was "Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory". Obviously I'm not going to dispute any factual scientific studies, but I've never walked into a room and said "Holy shit! This totally smells like my sophomore year of high school!" If you haven't figured it out already, I do have those types of reactions to music.

I have an unhealthy obsession  with the soundtrack of my life. (One of these days i'd like a healthy obsession with something like salad, or exercise.) For every event, or every period in my life, there's an album or a mix of songs that I mentally correspond to it. When I hear "Clint Eastwood" by the Gorillaz, I'm taken back to Labor Day Weekend, 2001 when my friends and I launched a pinstripe invasion on Fenway Park, less than a fortnight before our lives would change forever. When I hear the Black Crowes' "Wiser Time", I'm um, eating a sandwich in my buddy's dorm room while our roommates were out playing Dungeons and Dragons.

I'm 34 now. I hope my life isn't half over, but I know at least a third of it's in the books. Sure, that's a little macabre. But trust me, I wouldn't want to know what a 102 year old me is like. Nor would you. Recently I've been reflecting on where I am, where I'm going and most of all, who the hell I am. That's partially a moot point because if I believe anything, it's that one should constantly be open to change, but I always try to be mindful of the road that got me to the here and now. One thing that's getting clearer and clearer is that no decade has, or will, be more influential on my life than the good ol' 90s. 

I began, and finished high school and college from 1991-1999. In late 1999 I started the job I have today. I had my first date with my wife in 1994, the same year I saw the Rangers win the Stanley Cup for what will likely be the last time ever. I bought Bob Dylan's "Greatest Hits Volume 1" in 1993. I saw my first Dave Matthews concert in September of '99. In the spring of 1996, I sat in Pine Hall and watched a rookie shortstop named Derek Jeter knock one out of Jacobs Field on Opening Day.

As they were unfolding, I have to admit, I was thoroughly unimpressed with the decade of the 1990s. I went from a 12 year old bratty altar boy to a 22 year old agnostic and opinionated loudmouth with a slight but manageable drinking problem, yet it didn't seem like much had really transpired outside of your run of the mill Hall of Fame running back killing his wife and her boyfriend and then being acquitted.

Much like my initial opinions on the iPod though, I look back now through the lens of time and I realize how wrong I was. Sure, on a macro level, the 90s were rather serene, maybe too much so for our own good. But on a micro level, it didn't get any better. And to honor that wonderful decade where young ladies got their tongues pierced thanks to our President, I've put together what I call "90 for the 90s". The Top 90 songs of the decade.

Criteria is simple: Songs released in the 1990s. Only caveat was a limit of SIX songs per artist. Ranked based off their impact, quality and any ability to tie to memory.  But 90 was too hard. So I'd like to present you with the "B-Side". The "Next 90" if you will. Over the coming weeks I'll post the full list, so you can find out how embarrassingly white I really am...

180 . Blood Money - Jon Bon Jovi
179 . Slam - Onyx
178 . Mama Said Knock You Out - L.L Cool J
177 . Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.
176 . 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
175 . Lump - The Presidents Of The United States Of America
174 . Pigs - Cypress Hill
173 . Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
172 . Bed Of Roses - Bon Jovi
171 . Wicked Game - Chris Isaak
170 . Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton
169 . Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
168 . It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday - Boyz II Men
167 . Right Now - Van Halen
166 . The Saga Begins - Weird Al Yankovic
165 . Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
164 . Country House - Blur
163 . Who Needs Sleep? - Barenaked Ladies
162 . Knockin' Boots - Candyman
161 . Woke Up This Morning (Chosen One Mix) - Alabama 3
160 . I Alone - Live
159 . Just A Friend - Biz Markie
158 . Wide Open Spaces - Dixie Chicks
157 . Sex And Candy - Marcy Playground
156 . Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction
155 . Save Tonight - Eagle Eye Cherry
154 . Remedy - The Black Crowes
153 . Good - Better Than Ezra
152 . Self Esteem - The Offspring
151 . Mutt - Blink-182
150 . Breaking The Girl - Red Hot Chili Peppers
149 . Insane In The Brain - Cypress Hill
148 . Twice As Hard - The Black Crowes
147 . To Be With You - Mr. Big
146 . I Touch Myself - Divinyls
145 . Jump Around - House Of Pain
144 . Runaway Train - Soul Asylum
143 . Hook - Blues Traveler
142 . Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
141 . Shimmy Shimmy Ya - Ol' Dirty Bastard
140 . Cover Me - Candlebox
139 . Run-Around - Blues Traveler
138 . When I Come Around - Green Day
137 . Juicy - The Notorious B.I.G.
136 . On A Plain - Nirvana
135 . Today - Smashing Pumpkins
134 . High Hopes - Pink Floyd
133 . Drive [Live] - R.E.M.
132 . Are You Gonna Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz
131 . The Freshmen - The Verve Pipe
130 . What It's Like - Everlast
129 . Pepper - Butthole Surfers
128 . Round Here - Counting Crows
127 . Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm - Crash Test Dummies
126 . The Unforgiven - Metallica
125 . Mind Playin' Tricks - Geto Boys
124 . Bathtub Gin - Phish
123 . Stereotypes - Blur
122 . Apache Rose Peacock - Red Hot Chili Peppers
121 . All Star - Smash Mouth
120 . C.R.E.A.M - Wu-Tang Clan
119 . Wind Of Change - Scorpions
118 . Yesterdays - Guns N' Roses
117 . Into The Great Wide Open - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
116 . Right Here, Right Now - Jesus Jones
115 . Long View - Green Day
114 . Buddy Holly - Weezer
113 . Walking In Memphis (Remastered) - Marc Cohn
112 . Man On The Moon - R.E.M.
111 . Brick - Ben Folds Five
110 . She Talks To Angels - The Black Crowes
109 . Breakfast At Tiffany's - Deep Blue Somthing
108 . Creep - Stone Temple Pilots
107 . All the Small Things - Blink-182
106 . Pets - Porno For Pyros
105 . Gin and Juice - Snoop Dogg 
104 . Mysterious Ways - U2
103 . You Wanted More - Tonic
102 . Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) - Green Day
101 . Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem) - Jay-Z
100 . Breakdown - Guns N' Roses
99 . Nuthin' But A "G" Thang - Dr. Dre
98 . Trying To Get To Heaven - Bob Dylan
97 . Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
96 . Scarelet Begonias - Sublime
95 . Smooth - Santana & Rob Thomas
94 . Stay - Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories
93 . Plush - Stone Temple Pilots
92 . Send Me on My Way - Rusted Root
91 . My Name Is - Eminem

Beer Review #0003: Dogfish Head Palo Santo Marron

Brewer: Dogfish Head (Milton, DE)

Type: Brown Ale

ABV: 12.0% 

Four Pack: $10.99

Michael Buffer should announce this beer before you drink it. It packs that kind of punch - which isn't surprising given it's high ABV. I haven't quite found the line of demarcation between a strong beer that I can remain somewhat coherent while drinking, and the level at which I'm better off locking myself in the garage with my beer, iPod and a bucket.

I know it's below 12%.

My biggest issue with many high-content brews over time has usually been the distinct, pure-alcohol flavor or after taste. I don't mind a beer that's going to kick my ass a bit, as long as at the end of the day, it still tastes like a beer. Too many (especially the barlewyine styles) taste more like whiskey cut with cough medicine.

The first sip of DFH's Palo Santo definitely had that pure-alcohol bitterness, but to it's credit it subsided very quickly, and once your palate adjusts, it gets smoother and smoother. Picture yourself diving into a freezing pool on a 99 degree day. The initial sting can be brutal  but once you get acclimated, you're refreshed and energized.

As for how the beer actually tastes, it's nothing like other Brown Ales that you may have had. It's no Newcastle, it's no Brooklyn Brown, and it certainly ain't a Sierra Nevada Harvest. The most unique quality I found was, for lack of a better word, an oak-like faintness, much like you may find in a red wine.

Did I mention it was high in alcohol?

After about 3 of them, my wife was convinced it was mushroom tea in my pint glass. Enough said there.

My final report card (numbered stats on a scale of 1-10): 

Bang For The Buck: 6. It's expensive, no doubt. Hard time calling it a bargain. However, the experience is well worth it. Especially if you compare it to the street value of a hallucinogen.

Taste: 8. The bitterness fades as the flavors come out.

Drinkability: 7. Very smooth for a 12%'er but it's not the smoothest of drinks.

1 Makes You Feel: Like you drank a bottle of red wine. 

3 Make You Feel: That you shouldn't be engaging in any conversations. 

4 Make You Feel: There is no pain you are receding, A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.  You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.

Ideal Musical Companion: The Wall.

Ideal Cheeseburger: Riiiiight, you're not eating

If this beer was an athlete, it'd be: Muhammad Ali. Dances like a butterfly, stings like a bee, and at the end of the night, nobody will understand a word you're saying.

Grateful (He's) Dead

Sure, the entire global economic and cultural security happens to be at stake in the Middle East at the moment, but that hasn't quite stopped the mainstream media from gushing over this weekend's "100th Birthday" of Ronald Wilson Reagan. When he passed away in the middle of the 2004 Presidential Election, no major media outlet passed up the opportunity to canonize St. Ronnie and thank him endlessly for fluffy insignificant accolades about "restoring America's Confidence" and "Tearing Down the Wall". Let's set aside the fact that both bestowals are not only grossly exaggerated but factually misguided. Despite horrific evidence around us to the contrary, the general reputation and perception of the man was whitewashed to nearly unfathomable degrees then - and with that evidence strengthened one-hundred-fold in the past 7 years - it's being done so once again. 

I don't have the time, patience or desire (at the moment) to craft the necessary thousand-page indictment of what Ronald Reagan did to the country, let alone the planet. Fortunately, the abridged version is just as compelling. To speak bluntly: Just about every crisis we've dealt with in the last 10 years is Reagan's chickens coming home to roost. 

From a fiscal point of view, the basic premise of Reaganomics was lower taxes and looser financial regulations. Theoretically government spending reduction was supposed to be a key pillar of the plan but the Military Industrial Complex begs to differ. You know what? It all sounds dandy and responsible in theory, but in sheer practicality, the rich have never been richer, and the rest of us haven't budged. Working class dollars don't go nearly as far as they used to, while the upper tax brackets - who've never paid as little in taxes as they do now - have never been so prosperous. 

This doesn't even take into account his firing the first salvo in the ongoing war against union workers that continues to this day. 

A return to pre-Reagan tax codes would do wonders to our budget deficit, but you'll never hear a teabagger say that. Hell no, they'd rather just make grandma eat 9 Lives. 

And how did that banking de-regulation work out? 

Socially, Ronald Reagan makes Rick Santorum look like Harvey Milk. His blatant disregard (or if you prefer, criminal negligence) for the gay community and inner city "welfare queens" as he called them allowed both the AIDS and crack-cocaine epidemics spread like bedbugs in a brothel. 1985 wasn't 1685. We had the capabilities and resources at our disposal to educate and combat these societal plagues, but ol' Ronny thought it was much more important to send his wife out there to lecture white kids on smoking pot instead.

Oh, yeah, the Cold War. While we were engaged in a global game of Monopoly with the "Evil Empire", the Soviets found themselves knee-deep in their own Vietnam, in a lovely little paradise known as Afghanistan. I think you heard of it. The Reagan Administration Policy? Arm Afghan militants to the teeth, educate them in guerrilla warfare, and then abandon them when all was said and done so they could continue living in the Stone Age with a massive power vacuum. That vacuum? Filled by the Taliban. Those guerrillas? The eventual Al Qaeda. One Republican's Guerrilla is another Republican's Terrorist I guess. 

But hey, would you expect any less from the men who sold Weapons of Mass Destruction to Saddam Hussein?

I'd also be remiss to point out that his Executive Order slashing foreign aid to third world countries that provide or push any form of birth control has not only increased the already horrific poverty they live in, but allowed diseases such as AIDS to completely ravage indigenous regions across the southern hemisphere.

So forgive me if I refuse to get caught up in the hoopla of the Gipper's Birthday, or conveniently sweep the overwhelming evidence of his fuckupedness under the rug. I know no President is perfect. FDR interred Japanese in concentration camps. Nixon was a crook. But we don't have internment camps anymore and Watergate was actually one of the better incidents in recent Presidential history, leading not only to Nixon's resignation, but tighter oversight of elected officials and campaign finance. (Well, it did until Reagan appointees like Antonin Scalia and Reagan staffers like John Roberts said "No".) To this day, we're still swimming with our heads barely above water in Reagan's cesspool. 

Gloss over these atrocities all you want in the name of decency and respect. But don't piss on my face and tell me it's raining. 

Top 25 Power Ballads: #5 - #1.

So arrives the end.  We've flown to the angels. We've lived in sin. We didn't forget you, and the children have cried. As The Flame burns out, I thank you for your Patience, because Without You, I wouldn't know What It Takes to find Something To Believe In. I hope this little list has entertained you with More Than Words, and that it got you just High Enough.

Before the Top 5 is revealed, allow me to raise a can of Aqua-Net to those bands who made multiple appearances on the list. Four of whom find themselves with one more song to go...

Bon Jovi: 3 Songs. There should be no surprise here.

Posion: 3 Songs. As mentioned, one of the most underrated bands ever.

Motley Crue: 2 Songs Heavy hitters with an uncanny ability to show their softer side

Warrant: 2 Songs. 3 Hit Wonders, but Cherry Pie didn't qualify.

Previous entries on this rundown....

#25 - #21

#20 - #16

#15 - #11

#10 - #6 

#5: HEAVEN, Warrant (1989) Holy 7th Grade Batman! Imagine raising a daughter, from birth to her wedding day. Imagine what that must feel like. Watching Jani Lane go from "Heaven" to "Celebrity Fit Club" is probably the 180 degree opposite.

#4: HOME SWEET HOME, Motley Crue (1985) The oldest track on the countdown, it's a pioneering tune. If the Crue can slow it down and break out the lighters, anybody can. I'll let you in on a little secret - this song started at #8 when I drew up my original list. I made a corresponding playlist on my iPod so I could re-familiarize myself with the pure emotion of some of these songs. After a couple of jacked up and highly caffeinated mornings, I had no choice but to have it leapfrog "Dead or Alive", "Patience" and "Fly High Michelle". And then this morning, I listened to the Top 5 on my way in and said "Shit, this is better than Heaven". Literally and Figuratively. If I wasn't so anxious to move on to the next Whiskey Tree music countdown, I'd wait a week and this might end up #1. It's that F*cking Good. And no, I don't know why sometimes I type Fuck and sometimes I type F*ck. And yes, if I've met you in person at least once, you're more than welcome to bring beer and listen to that playlist.

#3: I REMEMBER YOU, Skid Row(1989) Sebastian Bach was one hot chick back in 1990. This kicks off The Big Three. 3 Great songs about lost love to close it all out. Though I'm not quite sure why the scorned lover exactly had to be homeless in this video. Oh, that's right. Ronald Reagan made a lot of people homeless. And how about Rachel Nolan's nose-to-ear chain? Don't lie, you wanted one. I did. Also, I get the obvious symbolism, but just once can we get a love song where the romance takes place in January?

#2: EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN, Poison(1988) Greatest Breakup Song, Ever. Has anybody ever captured the Human Condition better than Poison? In history? I often point to their line in "I Won't Forget You" - "Its better to have lost at love then to never have loved at all" as my ultimate piece of evidence on the matter, but we can't dismiss the gem within Thorn: "And now I hear you found somebody new, and that I never meant that much to you, To hear that tears me up inside, And to see you cuts me like a knife". The only post-breakup line that competes involves Alanis Morrisette blowing Uncle Joey in a movie theater.

#1: NEVER SAY GOODBYE, Bon Jovi(1986) If you're ever on "Jeopardy!" and the $2000 question in the "Ed's Life" Category is "Ed danced with his wife to this song at his 8th Grade Graduation Dinner, Senior Prom, and Wedding". This is your answer. Really, how can #1 be anything other than this. We'll even neglect the fact that my wife can't stand it.

Odd that an 8th Grade Graduation Dinner at a Catholic School would feature a song that glorifies skipping school to drink beer, and losing more than keys in a backseat. You'd have thought they'd at least try and change the lyric to "And you lost more than that in my Sacristy"

I worked the juniors on the Prom Committee in 1995 like a K-Street lobbyist to make sure that NSG got the top billing - and hence the inscription on the garter belt gifts - at the Prom. And I'd do it all over again. Ironically, at the "Prom That Night", we didn't have a fight. Might have been the only night in 1995 that was the case. We're a model in perseverance.

Come wedding time, there were enough memories in the bank to force this to not only be played, but inserted onto the CD we gave out as favors (That's 2 trinkets for those of you keeping score at home).

Lyric by lyric, this song should give you chills. Even if there's no such thing as a smokey room anymore. I won't lie. Some of these songs have gotten a bit, um, cheesier, as time's gone on. But the complete opposite's the case right here. As I get a little older and move deeper into my thirties, the whole concept of "Never Say Goodbye" resonates stronger and stronger with each turn of the calendar. Life ain't scripted and it usually won't play out the way you may have envisioned it 5, 10, 15, or 25 years earlier.

That's not necessarily a bad thing. What's important is that you shouldn't turn your back on the people, places and events that brought you to where you are today (Unless you're an addict, pretty sure those are exactly the things you're supposed to turn your back on). It's not healthy to live in the past, but it's just as detrimental to deny it. And with the wonders of technology and social networking, it's easier today than it's ever been to embrace. You aren't who you are today without those people who made you who you were yesterday. Let them know that some time.

Holding on, We gotta Try.

Timberland List Thursday: 2/3/10

The T-List is rip-roarin' and ready to go after a weather-induced absence last week that left me unable to think about anything other than snow. And wine.

#10. Ben Roethlisberger. This being Super Bowl weekend and all, it's a pretty good time to remind the public that you're a rapist.

#9. The Borgata Hotel, Atlantic City, NJ. They bill themselves as AC's only Vegas-style casino, and the Borgata is actually an impressive structure. Good casino. Good eats. Good hotel. Except for one liberty-depriving policy: A six pack limit on beer in the hotel room. I'm not making this up. Four of my friends arrived with a 12 pack and were told they could each bring one six pack, in a six pack container. Being the resourceful rock stars that we are, we were able to smuggle a couple of cases up in our luggage and all, but that's not the issue. The issue is not only this horribly puntative policy for folks just looking to have a good time, but the sheer stupidity of it from a business standpoint. If I drink 3 beers, I'm going to gamble conservatively at your tables. If I drink an unlimited quantity, I'mstill up playing your tables and slots at 7 in the morning

#8.  MTV. As if Jersey Shore isn't enough to make an upright human being cringe, now I have to hear about all this hoopla regarding some teenage soft-core porn called "Skins"? Whatever happened to "Dial MTV" or "Headbangers Ball" or "Yo! MTV Raps"? Or music videos in general for that matter. Also, I'm tired of otherwise educated people saying "I know it's horrible but I can't help enjoying it". You know who else says that? Meth Addicts.

#7. The NFL. No, this has nothing to do with the Labor Situation...yet. This entry on the List is solely for giving the Black Eyed Peas a platform this weekend.

#6. Democratic National Committee. Hosting the 2012 Convention in Charlotte? A Banking hub with non-union hotels and a Board of Ed that used the Martin Luther King Holiday as a make-up for lost snow days? Plus, you're not carrying North Carolina again. Under any circumstances. Time to stop rewarding ignorance.

#5. Pastor John Hagee. Brace yourself, as I'm about to defend Rand Paul. The Tea Party poster child announced his support for a measure that would dramatically slash foreign aid across the board. By roughly one third. Hagee, who had no problem with what that might mean for the starving children of sub-Saharan Africa, responded by saying "Cutting funding to Israel" does not align with Tea Party Principles. Excuse me, I must have missed that memo about taking from the American Poor and giving it to Benjamin Netanyahu. I thought you fucktards only wanted to redistribute the wealth to the American rich?

#4. Groundhog Day. ENOUGH. Stupid. Fucking. Holiday. For. Stupid. Fucking. People. Granted, unlike the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Jesus and the Tooth Fairy, the groundhog itself is physical and tangible. But the entire notion is about as dumb as dogshit.

#3. Hosni Mubarak. Closing Time. You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

#2. Chris Christie. New Jersey's very own Jabba The Cut, who's spent the last year pissing on teachers, laborers, firefighters, police, the elderly, the poor and just about everyone else who didn't clear $250G in salary last year just gave a $261 Million hand-job to private Atlantic City developers. 

#1. The Winter. I surrender. 

Top 25 Power Ballads: #10 - #6

It's the stretch run, the Top 10. Put the women and children to sleep, we're bringing out the Big Guns this week.

Previous entries on this rundown....

#25 - #21

#20 - #16

#15 - #11

#10: SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN, Poison (1990) Don't be fooled - behind all that lipstick, makeup and hairspray is a powerful progressive message. How we treat our homeless, our veterans, our poor and our lonely best friends of Bret Michaels. At the very least it answers the question "Is there a Lord Above?". Negatory.

#9: MORE THAN WORDS, Extreme (1991) The Last Great Power Ballad ever released. Not long after this it was time to don the flannels, cut the hair and get serious. It was nice of Nuno Bettencourt and Gary Cherone to give a cameo to the useless members of the band waiving their lighters in the video. Speaking of which, with the general decline of smoking in general, that's the most unfortunate side effect - no more swaying lighters demanding an encore, or for effect during a great power ballad such as this. Yes, I know there's an ap for that now. But it's not the same.

#8: WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE, Bon Jovi (1986) As disturbing as it is, JBJ's Cowboy Fetish has produced some great music. You've got this classic. You've got "Ride Cowboy Ride", and you've got the entire Young Guns II Soundtrack. Sure, it's hard to shake the image of a 14 year old Jon prancing around his Sayerville bedroom in assless chaps and a Red Rider but at the expense of never hearing "sometimes you tell the day by the bottle that you drink"? Well worth the imagery. What I find a little pretentious however, is that when this song was written, Bon Jovi was hardly the global success that they are today. So really, the only way Jon saw "a million faces" when he wrote this was if he was collecting Turnpike Tolls that summer.

#7: FLY HIGH MICHELLE, Enuff Z'Nuff (1989) Told you I wasn't done honoring the lost art of hair bands memorializing overdosees in song. Drugs? Check. Lipstick? Check. Hair? Check. Girls? Yup. And really, can you go wrong writing about a Michelle? I can think of 3 Michelle classics off the top of my head. Enuff Z'Nuff never really took off and that's a shame, because this album and their 1990 follow up "Strength" were quality cuts. Maybe it's because they went for the "Poison on Acid" look.

#6: PATIENCE, Guns N'Roses (1989) This was hard for me to include in my countdown. I cringe to put GNR in the classification of "Hair Bands". The era lines up. The look kind of does, though there was very little glamor in their motif. But their track record and their sound is hardly comparable to Bon Jovi, Poison, or even the Crue. But Patience can loosely, very, very loosely, be categorized as a Power Ballad. And a great one at that. Is there a better vocal solo than Axl's wailing at the end of this? Is there a more iconic (and symbolic) sequence from a music video than Slash's snake? Do you not think about this tune every time you're partying in a hotel room?

It's a topic for another time, especially with the million different classifications one could pick, but I'm a firm believer that Guns N Roses was the Last Great Rock'n Roll Band.

See ya'll for the Top Five later this week.