My Quasi-Retirement from The Whiskey Tree

I haven't really written anything on this page for quite some time now, after a rather ferocious start to this year. The reason hasn't been laziness or writers' block, or boredom. While my personal life has been a little hectic to say the least, and although 2011 has easily been the most challenging year of my life, it was another opportunity that kind of weened me off of my somewhat regular postings here.

Back in the Spring, I was approached by an old, dear friend - and brilliant mind - about being a part of something that I grew to believe can be something very special: At Hand Magazine. The mission statement of At Hand is simple but poignant: 

AT HAND magazine is a catalyst for increased political action. It was created to combat civic and social indifference in America. This publication picks up where the rhetoric leaves off. You must be heard!

 Simply put: I couldn't resist.

Because I believe in this publication's foundations, because I share in the vision my fellow contributors, I owe it to them, to the magazine, and to myself to devote any writings of political import to At Hand exclusively for the time being.

I don't consider myself to be that talented a writer where I can declare that my work only be carried by one institution or on a specific medium or platform. Quite the contrary. I'm only pleased with about 10% of my writing, and I owe it to Team At Hand to make sure that the 10% I approve of is the 10% they get.

And while this hardly Politico or even Fat Chicks in Party Hats, the page has gotten a few dozen FB likes, a couple thousand hits and some appreciated feedback. You took the time to check me out, the least I can do is remind you that I did and explain why I disappeared.

I'm keeping The Whiskey Tree live for the foreseeable future because aside from sociopolitical happenings, I do enjoy mindless rants about sports, beer, music, television and other aspects of this Great Experiment we call America. I can't promise there will be any regularity, but hey, you never know.

In the mean time, it would mean a lot to me if you would take the time to check out At Hand - our next issue is set to print later this month. And please, Like Us and Follow Us.

Thanks for everything,
Ed

Relax. Barack's Got This.

We interrupt this disgustingly useless news cycle about Fairytale Weddings, Child Molestation Enabling Saints and Presidential Campaigns by Bankrupted Reality Television Hosts to bring you some news that actually matters: Osama bin Laden is dead. And no, he wasn't found in Iraq.

I'm not one to get wrapped up in the flag or get all wet at the sound of Toby Keith. I've also never bought into any of America's  recent boogeymen, be it Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, Mullah Omar or Trans Fats. All they do is serve to cheapen the dialogue and debate. Osama bin Laden's death does not restore all that is right in the world, and if you knew on September 12th that he'd live another 9.5 years later, you'd probably be pretty damn pissed.

What the operation has proved however - and this clearly isn't the first time - is that the grown ups are in charge now.

During the Presidential campaigns - both Primary and General - Barack Obama was resolute in stating that should unmistakable intelligence arise that Bin Laden was in Pakistan, he'd go right in and take him out. First he was killed by Hillary Clinton, John Edwards (remember him?) and Chris Dodd. Then he was killed by John McCain - who also said he'd walk through the gates of hell to get him.   

Not a peep of criticism for the action from any of them today.

We suffered through 8 years of George Bush's cowboy talk. We were going to get Osama "Dead or Alive". We were going to "smoke'em out of their holes". Allegedly we had him trapped in the mountains of Afghanistan, but then we decided "Fuck it, let's go get Saddam". 

We watched President Bush  mock the inability to find those WMD during a photo slideshow at the White House Correspondents dinner. We watched President Bush tell Mike Brown he was doing "A heckuva job" as New Orleans drowned. We watched him walk hand-in-hand with Saudi Royalty as gas prices rose. We watched Dick Cheney out CIA agents who disagreed with his assertions about the WMD, then watched President Bush pardon the man found guilty of the leak.

We watched a draft dodger paint a war hero as a coward. We watched rednecks burn Dixie Chick records. We saw the Senate have an emergency session to intervene in the case of a woman suffering through a 2 decade coma. Bush's press secretary said we need to "watch what we say". We had the "Terror Threat Level" raised right after the 2004 Democratic National Convention. We had to deal with Rudy Giuliani. Oh, and despite all of this, we saw the global economy crumble. 

I have many disagreements with President Obama. Primarily because he's not anything like the monster that his detractors claim. He's not socialist enough. He tries too hard to work with his opponents. He's too pro-business.

Sometimes I think liberals like myself try to make Obama into something he's not. He never campaigned on Single Payer health care. He promised to escalate the action in Afghanistan. He made a pledge to work together in a bipartisan factor. Is it his fault for not being Che Guevara? Or our fault for falsely expecting him to be?

Most refreshingly, Obama doesn't resort lowbrow tactics to get the job done. I heard more times than I can count that I was "hurting the troops" when I criticized the President, but you don't hear that emanating from the left these days. Nobody's telling the Teabaggers to "Love it Or Leave It". 

Dan Rather lost his job for reporting on the shadiness involving Bush's records from his days in the Texas Air National Guard - a unit reserved for the sons of Texas' richest to avoid service in Vietnam. Yet every news organization under the sun openly reports on Obama's fucking birth certificate.

The goal posts are continually moved back for this guy. Some of it is from the left. But most of it is from the main stream. If George Bush saved the American Auto Industry from extinction, prevented a Recession from a Depression, enacted  Bob Dole's healthcare reform and by the way, captured the most wanted man in history, we wouldn't be asking for his Birth Certificate. We'd be trying to repeal the 22nd Amendment to make him president for life.

I told a friend earlier today that I don't want to get into the dangerous territory of using Bush as a point of comparison. That's setting a bar too low to be effective. But for all the times I bitch about what Obama isn't politically, I need to take time to appreciate something else that he's not: A petty childish pissant.

George Bush was great at talking the talk. Barack Obama's more than content to simply walk the walk. Just ask Bin Laden.

90 For 90s: #70 - #61

Got some heavy hitters lined up for this volume. And for those new to the Rave: 

Intro and B-Side

#90 - 81

#80 - 71

#70. HEY JEALOUSY, Gin Blossoms. There's two types of people in this world: Those who admit they love "Hey Jealousy", and those who lie about it. Though these guys must have watched a lot more "Dukes of Hazzard" than "COPS" if they their idea of fun is being chased around by the fuzz.

#69. UNDONE (THE SWEATER SONG), Weezer. All these years later and I still can't give a straight answer to the simple question: Do you like Weezer? For nostalgic purposes, they're awesome. And I'll put "Blue Album" up there among the best of the 90s. But there's still something about them that rubs me the wrong way and I can't put my finger on it.

#68. WOULD, Alice In Chains. Still can't believe 2 guys from this recording are dead. I like too many dead musicians. Can't help but be reminded of "Singles" when I hear this though - which in my opinion just might be the defining movie of the 90s. Touch Me, I'm Dick.

#67. HYPNOTIZE, The Notorious B.I.G.. I told you. This list is embarrassingly white. But I'm not apologizing, cause I've been smooth since days of underoos.

#66. LIGHTENING CRASHES, Live. If you're old enough to remember, this song became a defacto memorial hymn for the Oklahoma City Bombing back in the Spring of '95. At that point, it was the worst terrorist attack on American Soil. Carried out by angry white veterans who hate that government existed. Today, we call those people the Tea Party, and we let them control our government. Them 1 - Civilized Society 0. Ironically, it did not unleash a wave of anti-white, Christian rural hysteria. Oh, and nobody seemed to mind that the perpetrators were tried, convicted and sentenced (to death) in the US Federal Court System.

#65. SHINE, Collective Soul. Fitting that it slots in here, because I always confuse Collective Soul with Live. That's not a compliment to either.

#64. 3 AM, Matchbox 20. And the unintentional comedy scale explodes as you find out this song was written by Rob Thomas for his mother. Reminds me of an interview for the release of the Matchbox 20 album "Exile on Main Stream" where poor Rob complained about how he was marketed wrong. Riiiiight. Because deep down, you know this pretty boy is the second coming of Jim Morrison.

#63. BLAZE OF GLORY, Jon Bon Jovi.I remember how panicked I got when I saw JBJ was releasing a solo album. Was the Band Done? Thankfully no. They were just understanding of Jon's inexplicable cowboy fetish that they didn't object to his leave of absence to role play as John Wayne in aqua net for a while.

#62. HAND ON THE PUMP, Cypress Hill. Man I thought I was so gangsta when I asked my mommy to put this in my stocking for Christmas 1992. I love the reasoning behind the tune though. You can't understand how easy it is for me to kill someone, so I shall explain it in song.

#62. LOSER, Beck. Ever hear that saying "So underrated it's overrated"? Pretty sure that was invented solely for Beck. But this is an iconic mid-90s track, there's no doubt about it. The premise alone: I'm so f*cking uncool that I'm the coolest bad ass you know.

The King's Speech

Horrible, shocking and disgusting news out of Staten Island: 

NEW YORK - A 13-year-old girl has been arrested on hate crime charges and is accused of helping bully and attack a Muslim girl at their New York City school.

The girl is being charged as a juvenile, along with a 12-year-old boy who was arrested last week. She is charged with third-degree assault as a hate crime and attempted robbery. She is due in Family Court Tuesday.

Authorities say the two bullied and tormented a 13-year-old Muslim girl at the Staten Island school, calling her a "terrorist" and trying to steal from her.

(full story) 

You can call it coincidence if you so chose, but this comes less than a month after NY Congressman Peter King held his McCarthyesque hearings on "Islam and Terrorism" on Capitol Hill. And maybe it is a coincidence. Just like Congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford's attempted assassination was in no way, shape, or form linked to the "Lock 'N Load" language and imagery of the Tea Party.

The Dixie Chicks speak for tens of millions of Americans and say they're embarrassed by George Bush, and what ensues is a big old fashioned German-style CD burning party. Because you know, saying that some bumbling idiot who's broken the world is an "embrassment" is somehow dangerous rhetoric. 

But when the extreme right pops off about Muslims or throws a marksman's target over a Congresswoman's home district on a map, and then violence ensues, we need to watch what we say about where we point our fingers. Don't blame a collective of nutjobs for the action of one lone nutjob. 

I'm not saying speech should be curtailed. I was appalled when that little ass-tick Ari Fleischer said some Americans need to watch what they say during wartime. Free speech knows no few boundaries as far as I'm concerned.

What I am saying though, is educate your friends, relatives and neighbors on who these people are. They ARE hateful. They ARE spiteful. They ARE batshit crazy. They ARE dangerous. Not in speech, but in practice.

Snookered

I rarely use the old "I'm a taxpayer and I'm appalled that you're spending my money on ______" argument. I'm basically resigned to the fact that my money's going to fund bullshit for the most part. Foolish wars, frat boys and other losers molesting Iraqi inmates to get their rocks off, corn subsidies, state dinners for medieval relic European royals - all of it funded by you and me in some way, shape or form.

But sometimes you just have to draw the line, and I'm drawing it right now in my wonderful state of New Jersey, after it's come to light that Rutgers University - THE State University of New Jersey - paid the Jersey Shore's "Snooki" $32,000 to "speak" to "students" recently. 

In the most prosperous of times, there would be no place for this talentless, pathetic devolved fluorescent penguin to be collecting speaking fees from an institution of higher learning. In 2011 when education is under a direct, targeted assault by the governor, every single penny is being squeezed out of the middle class, and it's been harder than ever for them since the end of WWII to send their children to college, the fact that this is how Rutgers University would chose to spend $32,000 falls somewhere between insulting and criminally negligent.

Nobel and Pulitzer Prize Winner Toni Morrison is scheduled to earn $30,000 for her upcoming commencement address. Who's coming up with this scale of compensation? The board at JP Morgan Chase? 

Higher Education in New Jersey has been taking a beating from Trenton for two decades now. A global recession just makes it easier for the Republicans to sell the cuts. But this is the world we live in, where teachers and firefighters caused a worldwide financial meltdown and the Wall Street execs are partying so hard Gordon Gecko's blushing. To paraphrase Don Rumsfeld - You get the budget you have, not the budget you want. Fact of the matter is, Rutger's state aid was slashed roughly 15% for fiscal year 2010-11 and it's proposed to remain at that level this year. Tuition up 5%. Housing more than that. Meal plans more than that.

Within these fiscal confines, there is absolutely no possible justification for that trampy Oompa-Loompa to be commanding that much money from a State University. The actual money itself came from some "event fund" that draws some loot off of every tuition bill paid by every student. Discretionary or not, it's still a check being signed by the State University of New Jersey.

The school fought back against the criticism by saying something to the effect of "It's who the students want to see". Well frankly, that's the students' problem and it's your job as a university to possibly enlighten them to aspects of culture beyond such filth.

I'm sure a similar plurality of students "want to see" nickel beer night at the cafeteria and maybe a medical marijuana dispensary at the infirmary. And frankly, a night of both would easily cost less than $32,000.

The 2nd and 3rd highest paid adjunct professors at RU combined don't make $32,000 per year. If say, an adjunct professor is teaching 2 classes per semester, and there's 2 semesters in a year, that's 8 college courses that could have been taught instead of paying Snooki to teach students that "When you're tan, you feel better about yourself".

On a larger scale, sure, we're all to blame here for making celebrities out of these douchebags, dingleberries and dickheads. I get that. I take no responsibility for myself but do for my state. It's eerily reminiscent when I traveled abroad in 2003 and felt compelled to apologize for George Bush, even though I never once entertained the idea of voting for him, nor did I support any of his endeavors beyond the "No Call List". So yeah, by extension, it's got to be pretty hard for a lot of people to tune in every Whateverday Night to MTV and watch the trainwreck, then get upset that young people want to see society's afterbirth speak live at their school. 

But that doesn't make it right or acceptable. Even if I'd love to hear her insight on what it means to leave Rutgers Cum Laude.

Standing at the Altar of Greatness: Yankee Legends

My friends, Happy Opening Day! So begins another big season in the Bronx, despite what many experts may be saying. And even non-experts - my head keeps telling me it's going to be a Boston-Philly World Series. But make no mistake - my heart says as loud and as clear as possible: Mission 28 Will Be Accomplished.

Beyond the annual expectations of a Halloween Champagne Shower, we've got something else to look forward to in the coming six months: Three Thousand, followed by Six Hundred. Somewhere between Memorial Day and Father's Day, the Captain, Shortstop, Number 2, will become the first man ever to record 3,000 hits in pinstripes. Not Lou Gehrig. Not Joe D. Derek Jeter.

And if all goes well, somewhere in mid to late September, The Greatest Reliever in history should nail down Save #600. If he tags on 1 more, he'll tie the record for the most saves by anyone in history. The most deserving record by an individual in history. Total number of saves needed by the Sandman to achieve that? As luck would have it, Forty Two.

Neither is a guarantee, what with the advanced age of these legends. But both plateaus are eminently achievable. And it's not only a great day on the horizon for the future hall of famers themselves, but it's a great day for us. The other day, ESPNNY ranked the 50 Greatest Yankees of all time. Obviously it was an honor to have seen all or parts of the careers of Mike Mussina (50), Coney (45), Rickey Henderson (40), The Warrior (30), Big Dave (28), Jorgie (21), Bernie (19), Gator (17), Andy (16), reluctantly ARod (13) and especially Donnie Baseball (11).

But it's easier to be considered among the Top 10 Presidents of All Time than it is to be ranked as a Top 10 New York Yankee. And that's where we find our Captain (7) and The Closer (5). Of all the players in the Top 10 - none have played as long together as these guys. Sure, you had Murders' Row with Gherig (2) and Ruth (1). Yogi (6) bridged the gap from Joe D (3) to The Mick (4). For most of the Eisenhower Administration, the storied locker room included not only Yogi and Mickey, but The Chairman of the Board (8).

But we're talking intervals of 5 to 8 years of some of these legends sharing the same real estate. Derek Sanderson Jeter and Mariano Rivera have been among the best, if not the best, at their position every season since 1996. As much as it pains me to admit it, as I'd love nothing more than to be 170 lbs and drinking post-Game Six pink champagne till the sun comes up and ready to do it again the next day, that was a long freaking time ago.

It seems like forever since #51 graced center field in the old stadium. Andy's recently moved on. Jorge's in what's most likely his last season in pinstripes. The opening day catcher from that 96 team is going into his fourth season as skipper. But Jeter and Rivera have been the constant over what's arguably - considering expansion of teams and post season rounds - the longest extended period of dominance in the storied history of the New York Yankees.

We've been old enough to appreciate it, and fortunate enough to witness it. What makes it even more special - and yes, this is only the 1,348th time I've probably told you - is where we came from. Baseball as an institution is never better than when you're 10 years old. And when we were 10, the Yanks were brutal. But it's paid dividends one-hundredfold, and has made all of that bubbly taste even sweeter. It's become who we are:

• We are billboards for Brut, Getty, Marlboro and Manufacturer's Hanover Trust
• We are Phil Rizzuto, for six innings before bolting to beat traffic, wishing his paper boy a happy birthday
• We are Roger Maris, hair falling out from chemo - not pressure - embracing The Mick on his last Old Timer's Day
• We are Lay's Jacket Day for all fans 14 and under
• We are Jim Abbot's No Hitter.
• We are the soothing sound of Eddie Layton's fingers gracing the Hammond Organ
• We are #1 1/2 - Robert Merrill, singing the national anthem.
• We are FREDDY SEZ
• We are sitting in a stadium on a May school night with less than 15,000 in attendance against the Blue Jays
• We are the "next Babe Ruth" - Bye Bye Balboni
• We are Donnie Baseball
• We are the Core Four
• We are The Voice Of God, kindly asking us to please direct our attention to the area behind home plate
• We are Wade Boggs - not on a horse, but feebly grounding out to seal Raghetti's 4th of July No Hitter
• We are Paul O'Neill's "Teenage Wasteland" 
• We are Sterling & Kay, and know NYY radio hasn't been the same since they split. 
• We are NOT Kevin Brown, Roger Clemens, Jason Giambi, or Carl Pavano
• We are Danny Tartabull and Andy Hawkins though
• We are Dale Berra and Bobby Meacham both being tagged out at home. At the same time. 
• We are reluctantly accepting of "Cotton Eyed Joe"
• We are not a 40 foot HD Jumbotron, but rather a glorious black scoreboard donning amber light bulbs
• We are forever grateful to Gene Michael and Buck Showalter (And Boggs, O'Neill and Jimmy Key) for the turnaround
• We are Joe Torre - but we're also Stump Merrill
• We are Luis Sojo asking "Coney, Why don't you have a dance?" 
• We are George Michael Steinbrenner III
• We are deserving yet appreciative of the sheer greatness we've seen the last 15 years.

We are the fans, who will tell our children - and their children - that we witnessed the careers of two All Time Legends, from the first time they put on numbers two and forty-two, until the time those same numbers were unveiled in Monument Park.

Play Ball

90 For 90s: #80 - #71

I'm feeling another wave of 90's nostalgia coming on. Not quite sure why, but maybe it's because NATO's attacking a dictator by air and Newt Gingrich isn't pleased. Or maybe it's because I just discovered Portlandia on IFC. Or maybe it's because Elizabeth Taylor has died, and I was pretty sure that happened in 1996. Regardless of the reason, it's time to dust off the flannel and resume the countdown.

OK, that's a lie. I wore my flannel yesterday.

#80. TAKE A PICTURE, Filter. I'm going to let Wikipedia do the talking here: "Filter's frontman, and founding member Richard Patrick has said that the song is about him getting drunk on an airplane, taking off all of his clothes, and fighting with the flight attendants who tried to stop him" We've come so far since Bob Dylan sung about James Meredith's attempt to enter the University of Mississippi in 1962, haven't we?

#79. 40 Oz. TO FREEDOM, Sublime. Apparently there's no Sublime music videos on YouTube so I'll be relying on bootlegged user submissions for their multiple appearances on the list. I love every single premise of this tune, but none more than the notion that a woman looks so fine with her hair permed. How come nobody gets perms anymore?

#78. KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH HIS SONG, The Fugees. Lauryn Hill would've preferred her babies starve than I buy this song. I'm sorry, I truly am and I sure didn't mean to endorse infanticide. But I studied abroad for a semester in London in '97 and the jukebox rarely went 5 tracks without this being played. Weird that it wasn't played as much as Glenn Campbell's "Rhinestone Cowboy" though.

#77. APRIL 26, 1992, Sublime. Told you there was more Sublime to come. Anyway, I get myself in trouble when I speak too passionately about this track, so I'm just going to say I wish the folks in NYC had the gumption of those in LA after the Diallo Assassins were acquitted.

#76. SILENT IN THE MORNING, Phish. Ah, so begins my on-again-off-again love affair with Phish. Like a passionate partner, I've both loved and loathed them. A battle that rages on today. Some days, I consider it great music and a killer scene. Other days, it's simpleton lyrics, repetitive sounds and crazed cult of trust fund babies desperate in need of some Axe.

#75. DISARM, Smashing Pumpkins. Reluctant addition, not because I dislike the song. Quite the contrary. No, it has more to do with the fact that Billy Corgan is the most arrogant, self-aggrandizing POS to hit the music scene in my lifetime. OK, maybe Celine can challenge that, but she's not on this list.

#74. EVEN FLOW, Pearl Jam. So begins the first of the maximum six Pearl Jam entries. Actually I'm lying. For being the Band of the Decade, they're allowed 7. Truth be told though, I miscounted. I suck at math.

#73. SCAR TISSUE, Red Hot Chili Peppers. I love RHCP and still feel like I don't do them enough justice or give them enough credit. Talk about an absolutely remarkable career. I wasn't feeling anything off "Californication" in 1999 (I wasn't feeling much of anything in 1999 except Milwaukee's Best and a few other choice substances) but man has it aged well.

#72. DON'T LOOK BACK IN ANGER, Oasis. Yup. There's Oasis again. I guess I kind of have to admit to really enjoying their one legitimate album. Thank you, Pine Hall and the band of misfits who settled in during the fall of 1995.

#71. RUFF RYDER'S ALBUM, DMX. Yeah, for the most part, the rap on this list is going to consist of embarrassingly bad generic tunes enjoyed by white people. For the first part of the decade I was making the transition from hair bands to grunge. For the latter part, as my tastes were expanding, I was more interested in Dylan, the Dead and Pink Floyd than anything else. God's honest truth, until I bought this a few years ago, I thought TuPac sang it. And he was allegedly dead for 2 years before it's release.

An Irish Toast To All

It's funny how we chose to acknowledge cultural identity in America. The louder, albeit smaller, faction of the country wants you to adhere to this knowledge that we assimilate into some sort of a red-white-and-blue-robot, where you're ancestral traditions are to be disregarded and you're to be processed into a "real" (read: white) American who loves Pop Warner Football, Deep Fried Twinkies, Ford Explorers, Lee Greenwood and Smith & Wesson. Oh, and you better freakin speak English.

On the other hand, there's a train of thought that yes, regardless of how or why we came here, we are all Americans, proud Americans at that, but we're mindful of our own unique cultural identities and see no reason why they need to be whitewashed and wrapped up in a pair of cheap Wrangler jeans.

I'm not quite sure where this began, and I'm pretty sure it's not going to end during my lifetime. But for what it's worth - put me in the latter camp.

I'm a proud American of Irish descent. It's always tricky when I go down that path. For rather obvious reasons, it's considered a little different for those of us who trace our roots to Europe. Those "Real Americans" respect it because, well, Europeans are white and have been there for some time. Those of non-white ancestry, while respecting the point of view, must think how easy it must be, considering the horrible, xenophobic, racist disregard in which their backgrounds are often treated. I'm not saying this is true across the board, I'm just basically saying that's how I'd look at it if I was walking in another set of shoes. 

I mean, I'm not aware of the simple truth here: I was born a white male American. Any obstacles I've had to face have been primarily the result of my own laziness, stubbornness or apathy. While the Irish who emigrated to America a century ago or before had to deal with their fair share of bigotry and social roadblocks, that simply hasn't been the case since immigration patterns shifted after World War II. 

All in all, I'm rather fortunate. I don't say that to gloat, I say that with all sincerity. I am the child of an Irish immigrant. My Grandfather took his family from Dublin to North Jersey not long after the nation's first Irish President was assassinated. I have relatives overseas that, thanks to the miracle of social networking, I communicate with on a near-daily basis.

I argue vehemently that the Irish Potato Famine is among the most horrific genocides in human history. I will put Guinness up against any other beverage on earth. I sing "Fields of Athenry" in my sleep. I married a fair skinned beautiful woman with familial roots in Cork. There are no Stars and Stripes outside my house but I have four  Irish flags adorning my property. I rank Oliver Cromwell up there with Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot and the rest of them. And heck, I never even held Chappaquiddick against poor Ted.  

Yet I've been afforded the luxuries of never having my "Americaness" questioned, save for political debates when I dare question the wisdom of a bullshit war or the deprivation of basic health care coverage. Because to some, there's nothing more American than bombing brown people and shitting on the poor. But that's not today's point.

On this day when everyone proclaims to be Irish and uses it as a platform to get blind drunk and exploit the last remaining socially acceptable stereotype, my wish is that every American who chooses to acknowledge their lineage, customs and culture is afforded the same respect, acknowledgment and acceptance as the Irish.

We ARE one people. We ARE one nation. But nobody gets to dictate what our cultural norms are. The fabric of our DNA is not uniformity into a one-size-fits-all McCulture you can buy at Wal-Mart. Quite the contrary: What makes America great is that we are a diverse potpourri of peoples from across the globe. We are truly a remarkable experiment that I still believe will prove to be successful once we get out of our own way and realize that the foundation, expansion, industrialization, and future of this land was, and continues to be built by all, not one. 

Thank you for celebrating my heritage today. Please be as kind and welcome to my friends, neighbors and fellow countrymen of every other descent.

Nuts in the Can

Some politicians will love to tell you how if you want to connect with "Real" Americans, you should go to the Diner or some local neighborhood dive bar (you know, where white people hang out). Me? I like bathrooms. Albeit this isn't scientific, and it cuts out 50% of the population (because when I accidentally end up in a Ladies Room I keep to myself, avoid eye contact and get the hell out ASAP), but then again, politically reasoning with women under fifty is rarely a problem.  

Last Friday night I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of a very close friend of 16 years, and his beautiful bride. It was really like anything I had ever seen. The wedding hall itself was top of the line. The food was out of this world. To call the drink selection "Top-Shelf" would be doing it is a disservice. I mean, Johnny Walker Blue at a wedding? Unheard of.

What's not unheard of though, is my penchant for talking politics from time to time. An overwhelming majority of the time, I'm the asshole that seeks out the fight. But I have to be honest, that hasn't been happening too often over the last few years. In fact, after Hurricane Katrina, I could probably count the number of legitimate, person-to-person, Left vs. Right debates I've had on one hand. Partially because of my concerted efforts to avoid spending time talking to Bush loving troglodytes, but more so because of the simple truths that we hold self-evident: Unless you were living under a rock for the last five years, you've seen the manifestation of Republicanism in all it's many forms. Be it the economy, the wars, or just sheer competence. If you don't want to sound like an idiot, you're not going to defend any of this.

But then again, there's the fact that we now have a black President. That still doesn't sit well with some people. Which brings me back to this fabulous wedding that took place in one of New Jersey's bluest counties. 

Long after I had my Don Draper going on, but before I completely devolved into Charlie Sheen, the Makers Mark Manhattans began to do a number on the bladder so it was off to the cavernous and elegant bathroom (which had a sitting area that I'm still not sure what purpose it served). As I was minding my own business (as always in such a situation) hunched up against the urinal, over my back I hear a lisping jackass berating the bathroom attendant. 

Paraphrasing the simpleton, "Really, Obama? Hasn't he taxed you enough? Cause he sure has taxed me enough with his socialism". 

As I was washing my hands I kindly asked the jackass how exactly Obama was a socialist. His answer, straight from the Glen Beck school of rationale: "He wants the government to control everything". 

I noted that Obama, while, not in the Senate at the time, stated he disagreed with the PATRIOT Act specifically for that reason. His response, to no surprise, "Health Care".

So I took my deep breath and pointed out that the Health Care Reform bill was the biggest handjob ever given to private industry, opening existing insurance companies to a whole new demographic of customers, and my personal objection was that it in no way shape or form was it Socialist enough.

To which he defaulted to "What about the taxes". I pointed out that taxes for all people - except those below the poverty line ironically - are at the lowest point in history since the dawn of the Income Tax. He added that Obama wanted to raise them. 

The guppy took the bait. 

When I asked what levels he wanted to raise them to, he said "All the way back to Bill Clinton's levels". I didn't even bother to go into how prosperous the country was under Clinton, I just decided to go right for the money shot and opined "So you'd prefer he went back to Reagan for individual taxes". He agreed completely. That's when I pointed out that Bill Clinton actually lowered individual income tax from Reagan levels, and we had a booming middle class, unlike any we had seen in the previous 35 years at the time. 

Dumbfounded, he simply told me I was lying. 

And that my friends, is how a drunken bathroom conversation can serve as a microcosm of society. It exemplifies the difficulties that reasonable people have in conversing with uneducated, bigoted zealots who rely solely on the Faux News demagogues and how their propaganda continues to ensure electoral victories for these modern day Reaganites, who couldn't give a flying you-know-what about middle class struggles, yet rely almost exclusively on those middle class struggles to keep them in, or return them to office.  

I wish I had a solution to offer, and I'm all ears if you've got one. But time and time again, I find myself in these uphill struggles to argue reason against ideology.

I miss the days of being called unpatriotic cause I didn't support Bush's bullshit war. At least then, those dolts could hang their hat on someday finding WMD. 

Now, they got nothing. But these birds you can not change.

Boners and Hand Jobs

Jobs make a great campaign issue. For simple people trying to reach even simpler people, it's quite easy to get on the campaign trail or cable news and say "Mr. President, Where Are The Jobs?" For starters, it's what Republicans like best: A shortcut to thinking. Secondly, it fits with their attention span: "You're With Us, or Your With the Terrorists", "These Colors Don't Run", "Love It or Leave It", and if you really want to stretch the conservative syllabic limits: "Why Do I Have To Press 1 If I Want To Speak English?". But much like the rest of the red carribou meat they feed to their base, once you take the plunge and vote against your own interests, you find out that really, it's just another load of mooseshit. 

Up until, and through, election night, the message emanating from the right was "Jobs, Jobs, Jobs".  But it quickly became all about abortion, unions and spending once the gavel was passed. It's one thing to ignore the issue outright, but in their first major attempt at legislating, Speaker Boner and his merry band of lunatics not only ignored the alleged most important issue facing the nation, but actually introduced a budget's incomprehensibly counter-intuitive to job creation:

Moody’s chief economist, Mark Zandi, projected that the House proposal would cut real GDP growth by 0.5 percent in 2011 and 0.2 percent in 2012. That, in turn, would lead to 400,000 fewer jobs being created than expected by the end of this year and a total of 700,000 fewer jobs by the end of 2012.

Boehner's response? So Be It.

Their issue was never about creating jobs. It was about creating as favorable an opportunity as possible for a challenger to run against an incumbent President Obama in 2012. Heck, they don't even disguise their seedy intentions: 

"The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president." -- Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

Yet somehow, for reasons a logical human being struggles to understand, this is the party that's routinely associated with "Patriotism". If it wasn't so heart breaking, it'd be laughable. The biggest nightmare for the GOP is a 2012 electoral cycle with unemployment trending downward, a majority of Americans liking the idea that they are no longer slaves to the health insurance industry, and fewer troops in harm's way in the Middle East. And they're not about to let that happen.

Face it, the only "Job" the Republicans have ever been concerned with was the one Monica gave Bill. Their base, their bread and butter, hasn't been impacted by the recession in the slightest. Stocks are up and banks are profitable. The only "adverse" impact their donors have felt was  Congress' attempts to regulate them from pulling off the same schemes that led to the global financial meltdown in the first place.

John Boehner does not care if you have a job. In fact, John Boehner prefers that you don't have a job - and to boot - you can't collect unemployment benefits, because John Boehner thinks that under those circumstances, you're much more likely to blame the black guy with the funny name than you are the people who created this mess in the first place.

90 For 90s: #90 - #81

Nothing lightens the mood on a dreary, rainy, overall shitty Friday where I have to run home early to wait for Cablevision to come explain why their service is so useless and overpriced like some 90's music. Taking me a little longer than I'd like to churn these out, but if you missed it, here's the introduction, and the "next" 90 that just missed the cut.

#90: WONDERWALL, Oasis. This song now reminds me more of Charlie Pace singing it for change on a London corner more than it does my first semester of college, when I thought these clowns were the next big British thing.

#89: SET A DRIFT ON MEMORY BLISS, PM Dawn. Making the list in no small part to the sampling of the Spandau Ballet.

#88: MAMBO #5, Lou Bega. If "American Idiot" was the defining song of the Bush Era, this would kinda have to be the same for the Clinton years, no?

#87: HOW'S IT GONNA BE?, Third Eye Blind. Slightly whiny with just enough subtle hints of heroin. A true 90's standard-bearer. Bonus points for being used in "American Pie" - the ultimate comedy of the decade.

#86: SEXUAL (LI DA DI), Amber. I have absolutely no idea why I love this song. None at all. I despise club music. But there's something seductive about it that taps in to my psyche and reminds me of all the times I never spent all night in a Hoboken club, on E and grinding cheap 90s girls, who weren't as good as cheap 80s girls but kick the snot out of cheap 21st Century girls.

#85: FLAGPOLE SITTA, Harvey Danger. Further proof that by simply being used in "American Pie" can make me elevate a ahitty one-hit wonder to near-elite status. Goddamn that movie was awesome.

#84: HEART SHAPED BOX, Nirvana. Should this be higher? Eh, probably. Blasphemous as it may be, and after 16+ years of listening to them, I still find about 1/2 of Nirvana's collection to be indistinguishable from the rest. Not to say it's not great or classic, and the other 1/2 is sheer genius. I'm just sayin'.

#83: FAR BEHIND, Candlebox. Initially thought this had top 25 potential. Then I really broke it down. No, it doesn't.

#82: FUEL, Ani DiFranco. I'll let you in on a little secret - from time to time, I love me some lesbian rock. Not often, and there aren't too many artists in the genre I enjoy, but let's just say I was pretty bummed to find that "Closer to Fine" by the Indigo Girls was cut in 1989.

#81: ZOMBIE, The Cranberries. Why was there such a lack of politically astute music in the 1990s? Oh, that's right. We had leadership that wasn't hellbent on breaking the world.

Foxy Lady

From this morning's NY Times -yet another lurid tale of the palace intrigue that is the Republican Party and it's extended family.

After the publishing powerhouse Judith Regan was fired by HarperCollins in 2006, she claimed that a senior executive at its parent company, News Corporation, had encouraged her to lie two years earlier to federal investigators who were vetting Bernard B. Kerik for the job of homeland security secretary.
s. Regan had once been involved in an affair with Mr. Kerik, the former New York City police commissioner whose mentor and supporter, former Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, was in the nascent stages of a presidential campaign. The News Corporation executive, whom she did not name, wanted to protect Mr. Giuliani and conceal the affair, she said.
Now, court documents filed in a lawsuit make clear whom Ms. Regan was accusing of urging her to lie: Roger E. Ailes, the powerful chairman of Fox News and a longtime friend of Mr. Giuliani. What is more, the documents say that Ms. Regan taped the telephone call from Mr. Ailes in which Mr. Ailes discussed her relationship with Mr. Kerik

Now, if I were a conservative, I'd turn right around and say "So what, Keith Olbermann donated to Democratic candidates and MSNBC hated Bush and you hate America. Ronald Reagan is awesome." All fine and dandy, but that's beyond the point. There is an obvious and indisputable difference between MSNBC and FOX: 

• MSNBC has liberal leaning personalities in prime time on opinion based shows. It does not shy away from taking Democrats to task, and it's daytime news broadcasts are apolitical, and they rarely, if ever, give any credence to any left-leaning conspiracy theories. 
• FOX News is a genuine mouthpiece for the Republican Party, run by former GOP Executives and donors, and they routinely give credence to society's lowest common denominator with features on tripe like Acorn and birth certificates. 

All of this is fine by me. FOX has the right to broadcast GOP Talking Points and Teabagger Propoganda just as much as the Discovery Channel has the right to broadcast a reenactment of a raptor fighting a triceratops, or MTV has the right to deify douchebags. It's a free country.

Just don't tell me it's "news".

Obama Coming Home?

From the National Journal....

President Obama has decided that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional and has asked his Justice Department to stop defending it in court, the administration announced today.

"The President believes that DOMA is unconstitutional. They are no longer going to be defending the cases in the 1^st and 2^nd circuits," a person briefed on the decision said.
The administration will formally notify Congress later today. The act sought to restrict single-sex unions.

 I have to admit I'm a little shocked. I fully expected Obama to eventually make moves in favor of marriage equality but I expected it to be well after his re-election, and even then, likely after the 2014 midterms. This is an interesting development. Is he picking a fight in the culture wars? Is he trying to make the GOP/Teabaggers run from the economy and to same-sex marriage - in turn exposing them for what they really are?

It's nice for a change to be pleasantly surprised by the administration's actions. While I'll temper any enthusiasm until the full story is told, this is absolutely a step in the right direction for the civil rights issue of our day. Stay tuned. 

Blue State Solidarity

From The Maddow Blog....

This was the scene right below TRMS World HQ at about 9:15 a.m. New Yorkers(? Transplanted Wisconsinites? Packer Backers?) protesting in solidarity with the public employees of Wisconsin. Of course, New York City public employees have problems of their own right now.

The Teabagger Manifesto

If you listen to Speaker Boner, Paul Ryan, Batshit Crazy Michele Bachmann or any of the other Teabaggers in congress, nothing is off the table when it comes to spending and deficit reduction. Not Social Security. Not PBS. Not Medicare. Not even the Pentagon.

But NASCAR sponsorships? Woe! Are you crazy? How can you even suggest such a drastic proposal? Minnesota Representative (and alleged Slut)  Betty McCollumn dared to make that exact recommendation. This is what she got in response:

There's really no need to point out the grammar, syntax, punctuation or hell, even the blatant racism in the fax from this run of the mill NASCAR fan. Though my wife did get a major kick out of how the person we'll refer to as "Redneck X" had no issue dropping the N-Word or calling a freely elected female of Congress a "Slut", but didn't seem comfortable spelling the word "Fuck" properly. 

I don't want to play the dangerous game of painting all teabaggers, conservatives, Pentagon Groupies or Nascar junkies with a broad brush, but does this not seem emblematic of sheer hypocrisy of the teabagger movement? I tend to lean towards this being the ultimate, comprehensive symbol of the Teabagger movement: 

• Complete misuse of the term "Marxism". I would think that the Federal Government (in this case, the Pentagon) withdrawing from funding a private enterprise (NASCAR) would be quite the opposite of Marxism/Socialism/Communism and all of it's perceived manifestations. 
• Overt racism. I don't really think I need to point out the obvious do I? I mean for Christ's sake, what the phuck does the Attorney General have to do with this? Other than being black? 
• So inherently Southern/Confederate/Red State. The FBI is investigating this (OK, by proxy Holder is involved AFTER the fact) and let's just say, I'll be 100% shocked if it's found that this fax originated in Vermont. 
• 100% absence of facts. There is a news clipping, followed by a series of slurs and insults. No mention of anything practical whatsoever. 
• No solution offered. Like every Teabagger demand or ideal, there's no inkling as to how to rectify the problem at hand, be it real (like Social Security) or imagined (Marxist N-Word Thugs and Rectum Sniffing Sluts trying to ruin your ability to watch cars go round and round). 

The same troglodytes who demand that we keep the government out of Medicare are now arguing that we keep our filthy government hands in our private sports associations. 

Without Question,

Troglodytes are enemies of the US Constitution!

Education to all Troglodytes! 

Foreign and Domestic!

Timberland List Thursday: 2/17/10

We're officially one month until St. Patrick's Day, the northeast is looking at some 50-degree days and Pitchers and Catchers have reported - so there's plenty of reason to celebrate. However, a true cynic never rests, and in this day and age, there's no shortage of people, places and priests to be skeptical of, so the List must go on...

#10. Drama Queen Athletes. Yes, Albert Pujols and Carmelo Anthony, I'm looking directly at you. In the Post-Decision world of sport, nobody has any tolerance for your "Where Are You Going?" Charades. I don't care if either of you stay or go, I just don't want hear about it every day.

#9. Colin Powell. Never liked this guy. Not one bit. Always thought he was safe face for conservatives to point to so they could prove they weren't racists. And for some reason unbeknown to me, liberals gave this guy pass after pass. But the Iraq Disaster Whitewash continues, as now Powell suddenly is concerned about the lies that got us into war. Spare me, general. You're the one who took a couple of oaths about defending us from all enemies foreign AND DOMESTIC. Fail.

#8. Michele Bachmann. She's becoming quite the regular on The List. Bachmann hates taxes. Until the First Lady suggests deducting equipment that mothers use to breastfeed their children. Then all of a sudden it's Big Bad Socialist Government telling you how to feed your children. Once again, Twitty's missing the point. I'm convinced that if Sasha Obama said she likes My Little Pony, you'd have 50,000 crusty old white people on the National Mall demanding The Government stops telling their grand-kids what toys to play with.

#7. Donald Trump. Attention Whore. Now he's considering a run for President? There's only about 500 easy punchlines for this but I'll pass. Just go away.

#6. Haley Barbour. Last week's #1 slot on the T-List was Mississippi for their consideration of a license plate honoring the founder of the KKK. This week, Governor Barbour, the ultimate Good Ol' Boy refuses to condemn the action. This should do wonders for Boss Hog's Presidential Nomination aspirations though.

#5. Barbara Streisand. I always get in trouble when I speak candidly about my opinions on Babs' career and perceived relevance, so I'm going to tread carefully here. Let's just say I was surprised that I was watching the Grammys way past my bed time until she performed. I was down for the count within 2 minutes.

#4. Watson The Jeopardy! Computer. Maybe I just missed an Apollo Moment in the history of technology, but I have no desire to watch an X-Box linked to Wikipedia compete on a game show.

#3. Texas. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Read. Like many places (more on that in a bit), Texas faces a perceived budget gap and will exact it's revenge on the backs of educators. Proponents of laying off teachers point to Texas' population growth being the fastest in the state, thanks in no small part to the fact that they're on top of the standings in REPEAT Teen Pregnancies. In the ultimate irony, they also lead the nation in tax payers dollars spent teaching Abstinence-Only education. So if you want to put these nuggets together, you get: Texas tells teens not to fuck, Teens fuck, Teens have kids, kids go to school, school drowns in red ink. Must be the English Teacher's fault.

#2. Justin Beiber. 15 minutes. Up. I normally love Canadians but this dweeb's on the verge of ruining it for everyone.

#1. The Anti-Education Brigade. In Wisconsin, the Governor's attempting to take away the right for teachers to collectively bargain. The latest in a string of states to punish their children in an effort to not pass any debt onto their children. Yup. I don't get the logic either. It all started with New Jersey's very own Jabba The Cut, Chris Christie, and it's snowballed across the nation. Nobody has said education spending in principle has always been perfect or efficient. But the solutions doled out by Republican after Republican has been to go after the teacher making $40,000 per year and ignore inflated administration salaries and redundancy, inefficient facilities, and useless unfunded mandates.

To a conservative, there is no industry or institution that can't be top-heavy enough for their liking. Not the schools. Not the Pentagon. Certainly not the banks. It's only a matter of time before the darling "Privatization" rhetoric heats up. Ronald Reagan would be proud. (And that's never a good thing)

Re-Post: The Christie Educashion Massacre

I originally posted this almost a year ago when Chris Christie began his crusade against working class New Jerseyans and their ability to provide a top notch education for their children. Now that Jabba the Cut's all over the mainstream media and being hailed as a savior and viable 2012 candidate, as far as I'm concerned, it's more important than ever to expose the real goals of the GOP war on Learning....

3/4/2010
Over the past two weeks, there's been quite the brouhaha here in Jersey over Obese Governor Chris Christie's budgetary assault on education. The outrage seems especially heightened on facebook, most likely because those of us against the Governor's cuts know how to use things like computers. Already, school districts across the state are in the process of layoffs, targeting the arts, special needs programs, and just about everything but the disgustingly  disproportionate salaries of the school administrators. Despite the fact that the budget still needs to be passed by the State Legislature, most districts are proactively bracing for the pending Armageddon.


I can - most people can - go on and on about why New Jersey's finances are a joke or the countless reasons why property taxes are so high, but that's a subject for a doctoral dissertation (Or, it can be summed up with three words: Shared Bleeping Services). What's being lost in the commotion of the proposed funding slash is that this has absolutely nothing, nada, zilch to do with "the tough economic climate". Aside from the bailed out bankers, nobody's really turned the corner yet and cuts are anticipated and expected in every sector, be it public or private. The story here is the magnitude to which the governor is going to dismantle the state's public education institution and it's employees.


Do teachers and other state employees enjoy better benefits than those of us in the private sector? Without a doubt. But you need to keep in mind: 25 years ago, that wasn't the case. States had to enhance these benefits to entice workers because benefits like this were the status quo for most working Americans. Somewhere along the lines, a certain Alzheimer's suffering President made it his mission to dismantle the American Worker's Unions and trickle up every last penny to the super-rich. The end result was predictable: the average American would now work more for less, in terms of salary and benefits, while the lucky few would prosper beyond their wildest dreams.


State employees did not have their unions broken and maintained what were once "standard" but are now considered "elaborate" benefits. Instead of the American worker demanding benefits as strong as the public sector, the teachers have been boogey-manned into pigs at the trough, living high on of your tax paying hog. And this attempt to bust the union is only part of Christie's agenda.


The other part, more subliminal but intensely dogmatic, is continuing the trend of the Republican Party's "learnicide". Statistics do not lie: The enemy of the Republican Party is an educated voter. Take your own personal life experiences. Who would you consider to be the five smartest people you know? Do you think they voted for George Bush? John McCain? Or if you're life depended on it, would you guess they voted for President Obama, or John Kerry, or Al Gore?


The reliably Republican voters I've come across in my life, more often then not fit one of three molds:
1. Religious Crazies/Jesus Freaks
2. People in a tax bracket I can only dream of reaching
3. Angry, white, working class people, most likely men.


The first two I understand - the Democratic Party is not the place to be if you want to put the Ten Commendments in every school or outlaw the term "Happy Holidays". Nor should it be a home to millionaires looking to become billionaires at any expense.


But it's the last part that always baffled me - for they're the largest part of the Republican Base. You can't get to 271 Electoral Votes or 225 Seats in the House by building a coalition of Born Again Oil Tycoons. No, the GOP has for a generation now, convinced millions of people to continually vote against their best interests. Some of the same people who have lost their jobs, their insurance, seen their savings and benefits become a shell of what they once were, and struggled to put their kids through college show up like clockwork every November and go straight down the Republican line, even though 30 years of Conservative rule has only led to two wars and the worst economic crisis in nearly a century. Even though 30 years of Republicanism has led us from The Lone Superpower to China's prison bitch.


To make a long story short: They don't want you to realize this. There's a reason a Harvard Graduate War Hero like John Kerry can lose to a C-Student Diserter like George Bush: The GOP's made education a stigma.


And now Chris Christie wants to bring that New Jersey. If you were to look at the most educated states in America, you'd notice two remarkable trends (aside from NJ's top 5 ranking that Christie wants to sink):
1. None of the top 15 states, ranked by highest percentage of adults with at least a bachelor's degree, voted Bush-Bush-McCain over the last 3 election cycles.
2. None of the worst 15 states voted Gore-Kerry-Obama.

There's no way to sugarcoat it: The Republican Base is dumb as dogshitt. And they need your children to be stupid if they're ever going to survive another generation. So don't buy the baloney that Christie's selling you about across the board painful cuts. This is geared at the mortal enemies of the GOP: literacy and comprehension.

Timberland List Thursday: 2/10/10

Another Super Bowl Sunday is in the books. It's usually the most bittersweet day on the calendar. We celebrate the culmination of another football season but mourn it's end. The minute the final whistle blows, we're as far away from more football than we can possibly be. To use a Christian analogy, it's like the mourning of Good Friday blended with the jubilation of Easter. Well, it would be, if Jesus was threatening to lock out all Christians if they didn't give him more money. Which I wouldn't put past him.

Anyway, because SBS is one of the defining events of the year, it's no surprise that it's inspired a couple of entries on this List. Surprisingly though, Christina Aguilera didn't make the List. Yeah, she F'ed up. I'm not defending her, quite the opposite, I don't care for her. But I'm not going to feed into this frenzy that she's some Anti-American flag-burning terrorist. Especially not when our President is a Muslim Socialist. 

#10. Ronald Reagan's Groupies. They're hard and wet because Sunday was the Gipper's 100th Birthday. Get over it. The dude pretty much is responsible for every pile of shit on America's plate. 

#9. Slash. Won't play with Axl. Will play with Fergie. Enough said. 

#8. Mark Sanchez. What's the age of consent in New York to lick somebody's feet? You're a 24 year old multi-millionaire quarterback in New York City. You can have any woman from the hottest 21 year old NYU Co-Ed to the most botoxed 45 year old Cougar on the Upper East side. Instead, you start a romantic relationship with a 17 year old highschooler. I'm going to paraphrase my buddy Doc, comparing this to Lawrence Taylor's most recent run in with the law: "LT is the old mutt you want to backhand when he drops a donk on the floor. Sanchez is like the cute puppy who gets a pass. But at the end of the day, shit is still shit."

#7. Starbucks. The never ending battle of Ed vs. Starbucks continues. I don't recognize your sizing scheme where small is tall and you have made up words for medium. Sometimes, the barista will simply oblige and fulfill my order without question. I appreciate that. What I have little tolerance for is when they either try and correct me (You mean Venti?) or repeat the order back to me using their lingo (One Tall Coffee). Don't lecture me on how to order a damn cup of coffee. Also, what's with this "Barista" nonsense? How come we didn't make up a word for the minimum wage employee who prepares a Whopper? And the tip jars. Jesus, the friggin tip jars. I asked you for a black coffee that I have to put my own sugar in, not a Long Island Iced Tea. 

#6. Donald Rumsfeld. The latest co-conspirator is on his make-nice tour, attempting to rewrite history. Along the way he made sure to praise Rush Limbaugh for being one of the only people willing to speak frankly about "Islamists". Note to those who seek pension reform: Maybe we can start by not giving pensions to war criminals? 

#5. Phillip Dennis. Speaking of "Islamists", the founder of the Texas Tea Party says not only does he have major problems with Islam as a religion, but he's not sure if Barack Obama is a Muslim or not. And in the greatest example of Tea Party Intelligence, within the same interview, chastised Obama for attending Jeremiah Wright's CHRISTIAN church.

#4. Jane Seymor. Why is it that every time the calendar calls for me to buy a gift for my wife or my mother, I'm inundated with your commercials for your gumball-machine jewelry inspired by your goddamn finger-painting projects? Also, who the hell are you? Does Kay Jewelers really think men between the ages of 25 and 55 are going to be inspired by "Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman"? Was nobody from "Falcon Crest" available?

#3. The Huffington Post/AOL Merger. First off, I didn't know AOL was still around. Second - can you think of an example where a major media merger went down and media content became MORE progressive? Me neither. 

#2. The Black Eyed Peas. Wow. What an abysmal half-time performance. As enjoyable as my facebook and twitter feeds were during their "show", nobody should ever have to sit through that type of visual and audio diarrhea. The robotic auto-tuning. The dancing snots. The vocal homicide of "Sweet Child O'Mine". The Tron-on-crack costumes. I know the NFL's responding to the backlash from last year's abysmal Who performance and how the world has been scarred by the image of Pete Townshend in skinny jeans with his 75 year old belly flab hanging out and all, but if you're trying to capture mass appeal to a younger audience, you can't do it in a way that's both "safe" AND "good".  

#1. Mississippi. You can keep telling me that my image of the South is off base and it's not 1963 anymore. I'll keep referencing stuff like this: 

JACKSON, Miss. – A fight is brewing in Mississippi over a proposal to issue specialty license plates honoring Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest, who was an early leader of the Ku Klux Klan.
The Mississippi Division of Sons of Confederate Veterans wants to sponsor a series of state-issued license plates to mark the 150th anniversary of the Civil War, which it calls the "War Between the States." The group proposes a different design each year between now and 2015, with Forrest slated for 2014.

90 for 90s: Intro and B-Side

I remember a commercial for some deodorant or body spray (scam) or aftershave a few years back, and the tag-line was "Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory". Obviously I'm not going to dispute any factual scientific studies, but I've never walked into a room and said "Holy shit! This totally smells like my sophomore year of high school!" If you haven't figured it out already, I do have those types of reactions to music.

I have an unhealthy obsession  with the soundtrack of my life. (One of these days i'd like a healthy obsession with something like salad, or exercise.) For every event, or every period in my life, there's an album or a mix of songs that I mentally correspond to it. When I hear "Clint Eastwood" by the Gorillaz, I'm taken back to Labor Day Weekend, 2001 when my friends and I launched a pinstripe invasion on Fenway Park, less than a fortnight before our lives would change forever. When I hear the Black Crowes' "Wiser Time", I'm um, eating a sandwich in my buddy's dorm room while our roommates were out playing Dungeons and Dragons.

I'm 34 now. I hope my life isn't half over, but I know at least a third of it's in the books. Sure, that's a little macabre. But trust me, I wouldn't want to know what a 102 year old me is like. Nor would you. Recently I've been reflecting on where I am, where I'm going and most of all, who the hell I am. That's partially a moot point because if I believe anything, it's that one should constantly be open to change, but I always try to be mindful of the road that got me to the here and now. One thing that's getting clearer and clearer is that no decade has, or will, be more influential on my life than the good ol' 90s. 

I began, and finished high school and college from 1991-1999. In late 1999 I started the job I have today. I had my first date with my wife in 1994, the same year I saw the Rangers win the Stanley Cup for what will likely be the last time ever. I bought Bob Dylan's "Greatest Hits Volume 1" in 1993. I saw my first Dave Matthews concert in September of '99. In the spring of 1996, I sat in Pine Hall and watched a rookie shortstop named Derek Jeter knock one out of Jacobs Field on Opening Day.

As they were unfolding, I have to admit, I was thoroughly unimpressed with the decade of the 1990s. I went from a 12 year old bratty altar boy to a 22 year old agnostic and opinionated loudmouth with a slight but manageable drinking problem, yet it didn't seem like much had really transpired outside of your run of the mill Hall of Fame running back killing his wife and her boyfriend and then being acquitted.

Much like my initial opinions on the iPod though, I look back now through the lens of time and I realize how wrong I was. Sure, on a macro level, the 90s were rather serene, maybe too much so for our own good. But on a micro level, it didn't get any better. And to honor that wonderful decade where young ladies got their tongues pierced thanks to our President, I've put together what I call "90 for the 90s". The Top 90 songs of the decade.

Criteria is simple: Songs released in the 1990s. Only caveat was a limit of SIX songs per artist. Ranked based off their impact, quality and any ability to tie to memory.  But 90 was too hard. So I'd like to present you with the "B-Side". The "Next 90" if you will. Over the coming weeks I'll post the full list, so you can find out how embarrassingly white I really am...

180 . Blood Money - Jon Bon Jovi
179 . Slam - Onyx
178 . Mama Said Knock You Out - L.L Cool J
177 . Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.
176 . 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
175 . Lump - The Presidents Of The United States Of America
174 . Pigs - Cypress Hill
173 . Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
172 . Bed Of Roses - Bon Jovi
171 . Wicked Game - Chris Isaak
170 . Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton
169 . Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
168 . It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday - Boyz II Men
167 . Right Now - Van Halen
166 . The Saga Begins - Weird Al Yankovic
165 . Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
164 . Country House - Blur
163 . Who Needs Sleep? - Barenaked Ladies
162 . Knockin' Boots - Candyman
161 . Woke Up This Morning (Chosen One Mix) - Alabama 3
160 . I Alone - Live
159 . Just A Friend - Biz Markie
158 . Wide Open Spaces - Dixie Chicks
157 . Sex And Candy - Marcy Playground
156 . Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction
155 . Save Tonight - Eagle Eye Cherry
154 . Remedy - The Black Crowes
153 . Good - Better Than Ezra
152 . Self Esteem - The Offspring
151 . Mutt - Blink-182
150 . Breaking The Girl - Red Hot Chili Peppers
149 . Insane In The Brain - Cypress Hill
148 . Twice As Hard - The Black Crowes
147 . To Be With You - Mr. Big
146 . I Touch Myself - Divinyls
145 . Jump Around - House Of Pain
144 . Runaway Train - Soul Asylum
143 . Hook - Blues Traveler
142 . Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
141 . Shimmy Shimmy Ya - Ol' Dirty Bastard
140 . Cover Me - Candlebox
139 . Run-Around - Blues Traveler
138 . When I Come Around - Green Day
137 . Juicy - The Notorious B.I.G.
136 . On A Plain - Nirvana
135 . Today - Smashing Pumpkins
134 . High Hopes - Pink Floyd
133 . Drive [Live] - R.E.M.
132 . Are You Gonna Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz
131 . The Freshmen - The Verve Pipe
130 . What It's Like - Everlast
129 . Pepper - Butthole Surfers
128 . Round Here - Counting Crows
127 . Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm - Crash Test Dummies
126 . The Unforgiven - Metallica
125 . Mind Playin' Tricks - Geto Boys
124 . Bathtub Gin - Phish
123 . Stereotypes - Blur
122 . Apache Rose Peacock - Red Hot Chili Peppers
121 . All Star - Smash Mouth
120 . C.R.E.A.M - Wu-Tang Clan
119 . Wind Of Change - Scorpions
118 . Yesterdays - Guns N' Roses
117 . Into The Great Wide Open - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
116 . Right Here, Right Now - Jesus Jones
115 . Long View - Green Day
114 . Buddy Holly - Weezer
113 . Walking In Memphis (Remastered) - Marc Cohn
112 . Man On The Moon - R.E.M.
111 . Brick - Ben Folds Five
110 . She Talks To Angels - The Black Crowes
109 . Breakfast At Tiffany's - Deep Blue Somthing
108 . Creep - Stone Temple Pilots
107 . All the Small Things - Blink-182
106 . Pets - Porno For Pyros
105 . Gin and Juice - Snoop Dogg 
104 . Mysterious Ways - U2
103 . You Wanted More - Tonic
102 . Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) - Green Day
101 . Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem) - Jay-Z
100 . Breakdown - Guns N' Roses
99 . Nuthin' But A "G" Thang - Dr. Dre
98 . Trying To Get To Heaven - Bob Dylan
97 . Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
96 . Scarelet Begonias - Sublime
95 . Smooth - Santana & Rob Thomas
94 . Stay - Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories
93 . Plush - Stone Temple Pilots
92 . Send Me on My Way - Rusted Root
91 . My Name Is - Eminem