I love Election Night. Some more than others. This year, I've been home all day - possibly with the flu - dozing in and out of cable news coverage. With a stomach full of chicken soup (for the Democrats, who didn't have the testicular fortitude to run on their own accomplishments) and a head full of mucus (for the Republicans, cause, well, fuck them), I'm hopped up and ready to go. Let the games begin....
6:20 - This tweet from @HotlineJosh: Exit polls show Rubio +21 in #FLSEN pretty much sums up what type of night it's going to be. I know Rubio's going to take this down, the lovely Tea Party anti-immigrant Cuban that he is, but +21 is a bad, bad sign.
6:22 - Memo to Lester Holt: Lisa Loeb would like her glasses back
6:40 - Chris Von Hollen (D-Ma) with his best "Baghdad Bob" impersonation by basically saying the pundits are wrong and there is no GOP Wave. Meanwhile, Mike Pence (R-IN), who's race has already been called is claiming that the people will be rewarded for their vote by having their favorite corporations and billionaires have their taxes cut. Maybe it will help the Texas Rangers keep Cliff Lee?
6:48 - I'm very disappointed. I spent 5 minutes looking for FOX News on my television, and when I finally find it, it's a clip of Obama speaking with a massive "UNIVISION" logo emphasizing that this President speaks to Latinos. I was seriously expecting to see Britt Hume doing lines off of Ann Coulter's ass and Sean Hannity pouring champagne over a Ronald Reagan Collector's Plate. For what it's worth: Nobody on their "B" team expects Obama to be be as graceful and dignified as Bush was in 2006.
6:54 - YES! The Bush Memoir leaks have begun!!!!! This suddenly brought me joy: "President George W. Bush considered dumping Vice President Dick Cheney from his 2004 reelection ticket to dispel the myths about Mr. Cheney’s power in the White House and “demonstrate that I was in charge,” the former president says in a new memoir." Now that's the petulant, spoiled little bitch I remember!
7:00 - OUR FIRST RESULTS. Rand Paul in Kentucky. Important to know this seat is not switching parties. Well, unless you wanna claim it's the crusty old angry party of Jim Bunning to the young, enthusiastic, stupid and racist party of Rand Paul. I'm actually looking forward to his career. Dan Coats in Indiana, that's technically a switch with Evan Bayh (D) retiring. Well, it's a switch if you ever really believed Bayh when he said he was a Democrat. Jim DeMint in South Carolina, easily reelected. His growing more entertainingly dangerous by the hour. Patrick Leahy in Vermont, old reliable. Even if he looks like a shady secret society master of the universe. Georgia, between Incumbent Republican Johnny Isakson and a black guy even I've never heard of is "too early to call".
The Republicans, who need to pick up 10 seats, have picked up 1.
7:08 Rachel Maddow just threw Evan Bayh under the bus. Love it. "The Democrats will miss Evan Bayh's senate seat. They won't miss Evan Bayh". Meanwhile, Howard Fineman's basically reporting Rand Paul spent lots of time in Mitch McConnell's bicycle shop.
7:13 Seeing all these fancy high-tech polling/counting graphics and gimmicks makes me long for Tim Russert and his erasable white board. Then again, everything makes me miss Tim Russert.
7:19 45% of Indiana voters support the Tea Party. I move that if any state breaks 50% on that issue, they have to secede. In other news, WHDH is reporting that Barney Frank's camp is "worried". That'd be a major score for the GOP along with MSNBC, cause you know that 11PM timeslot is being held for "Let's Be Frank".
7:44 Rob Portman, former Bush budget guy wins Ohio's Senate seat. Bush's budget guy. Kinda like being Ghandi's chef, no?
7:50
First African-American Republican elected to next Congress -- AP calls #SC01 for Tim Scott (R). So, um, does Tim have any nieces or nephews?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The Scale of Pretension
A rather enjoyable hillbilly once sang "I ain't big on social graces". I tend to live by that. I can't stand certain societal practices, especially anything that can be traced back to the Victorian era. I don't know if that's where the idea of a three-forked table setting where I'm supposed to start on the outside and work myself in originated or not, but nonsense like that just fills up what I assume is a finite capacity for knowledge. Remember your table-setting etiquette, forget how to change a tire. Or something like that.
I'm also not big on "Bless You". I think well-wishes and blessings should be reserved for severe illnesses and hardships, not allergies. And can we all agree buttoning the top button on dress shirts is not needed? It's awkward and uncomfortable, and it if everybody refused to do it, then it wouldn't look "sloppy". Don't believe me? Look at how every man under the age of 30 all of a sudden decided not to comb their hair anymore. It's no longer trashy looking, but rather the norm.
I don't mean to be rude and I certainly appreciate the value of being polite. If your invited to somebody's house, you bring them food or drink. Excuse yourself when you burp. Or fart. I've never really seen an old lady struggle to cross the road, but if I did, I'd like to believe I'd help her. Though I ask, what makes crossing the street at a red light any more difficult than navigating a sidewalk with other pedestrians, pets, or bicyclists? Don't bore people. You want to hear about my fantasy football team as much as I want to hear about your kid's art project.
Then there's Pretentiousness. It's something that we're all guilty of. Sometimes we can't help it. Nobody's really immune to being being pretentious. Certainly not me. But if I can channel my inner Emily Post, maybe I can make a contribution to society by laying the groundwork for a Universal Scale of Pretension. (Which yeah, the irony of such a statement is not lost on me, thanks for asking).
For what it's worth, the context is not necessarily that one enjoys these items, activities or beliefs, it's that when one openly and/or frequently discusses them that they warrant consideration on the list.
1.0 The Flight of the Conchords. Ever get into a conversation with someone who watches this show? Then you tell them that you gave it a chance but it didn't really do it for you? They look at you as if you'd be better of spending your time playing the banjo on a dilapidated porch in Appalachia. Newsflash: This Show Sucks. Freaks and Geeks may also be substituted.
2.0 Cause Ribbons. I can appreciate - to a degree - somebody who literally dons a legitimate ribbon. Your still probably an asshole, but I admire the effort of actually pinning the ribbon to your lapel, dress, shirt, whatever. Magnetic ones? Stickers, hats and clothing that has the image of a ribbon? Spare us all, please? "I love Children/Soldiers/Insert-Disease-Here Awareness so much that to help support/eradicate it I'm going to wear this shirt or spend $5 on a made-in-china magnet for my made-in-China car." Would that $5 not be better spent being donated to a charity for said designated issue? I thought so.
3.0 Ani DiFranco. I'm not too proud to admit I enjoy some of Ani DiFranco's work. Be you didn't know that. Know why you didn't know that? Cause I'm the one person who enjoys it that doesn't shove it down your throat and end every musical conversation with "Oh without a doubt, Ani DiFranco".
4.0 Aging Sex Symbols. Can we start treating people who talk about how sexy they find Sean Connery or Raquel Welch as what they really are: Borderline Necrophiliacs? Sure, Connery may exude a certain grace or dignity about him and all, but you know how you can cure these feelings? Get your physician drunk and ask him what an 80 year old man looks like naked.
5.0 Being Agnostic. Here's the ultimate irony about people who are agnostic: They're basically telling you they don't prescribe to any religious dogma while confirming in their statement that they in fact do. Agnosticism has gone from a theory to basically Buddhism without the rock gardens. What's wrong with the following answer: "I believe in God, I'm just not religious."
6.0 The Independent Film Channel. As soon as someone begins a sentence with "I saw this movie on IFC last night..." I immediately start thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner for the rest of the month. I'm a film buff to a degree. I like to think I have a pretty good idea of what's a good movie, what's useless junk, and what's a guilty pleasure. But I can't psych myself up for 3 hours of black and white footage of a man in a ladies' nightgown drinking table wine and smoking cigarettes while pacing across a room. In Estonian, with German subtitles.
7.0 Your Blog. What? You think the rest of the world cares what you consider to be Pretentious?
8.0 Serving Only Hummus. It might be 2010, we all might be trying to eat a little healthier, but for crying out loud, some of us still prefer some onion dip or spreadable cheese product! I'm not saying hummus doesn't have a place on your snack table when you're entertaining guests. I know many people all of a sudden enjoy it. But some, if not most of us, still have a 2009 mentality. We like cheese with our crackers. Dips with our chips. Salsa. Spare me the chickpeas. I'll watch what I eat on my own time, it's not your job to worry about my cholesterol.
9.0 Having More than 1 CD Tower on display. Having one CD Tower says "I like to have my limited music collection easily accessible and near my home entertainment system. I have no need for an mp3 player when I only own 1G of music". Perfectly fine and normal. Having 2 or more says "Look at me! Look at how much music I have! Sure I could condense all of this into binders and books and tuck them away but then you wouldn't be able to see it!" On the same note, if you're under 40, you shouldn't even have a CD collection displayed anywhere except in a box in your closet in case your computer crashes.
10.0 White People using Chopsticks. In no way, shape, or form are chopsticks more utilitarian or easier than the standard fork, knife and spoon. None at all. People love to show it off as if they've won some culinary decathlon. In reality, it's the dining equivalent of being able to make fart noises with your armpits. You look like an ass and it's a useless skill.
I'm also not big on "Bless You". I think well-wishes and blessings should be reserved for severe illnesses and hardships, not allergies. And can we all agree buttoning the top button on dress shirts is not needed? It's awkward and uncomfortable, and it if everybody refused to do it, then it wouldn't look "sloppy". Don't believe me? Look at how every man under the age of 30 all of a sudden decided not to comb their hair anymore. It's no longer trashy looking, but rather the norm.
I don't mean to be rude and I certainly appreciate the value of being polite. If your invited to somebody's house, you bring them food or drink. Excuse yourself when you burp. Or fart. I've never really seen an old lady struggle to cross the road, but if I did, I'd like to believe I'd help her. Though I ask, what makes crossing the street at a red light any more difficult than navigating a sidewalk with other pedestrians, pets, or bicyclists? Don't bore people. You want to hear about my fantasy football team as much as I want to hear about your kid's art project.
Then there's Pretentiousness. It's something that we're all guilty of. Sometimes we can't help it. Nobody's really immune to being being pretentious. Certainly not me. But if I can channel my inner Emily Post, maybe I can make a contribution to society by laying the groundwork for a Universal Scale of Pretension. (Which yeah, the irony of such a statement is not lost on me, thanks for asking).
For what it's worth, the context is not necessarily that one enjoys these items, activities or beliefs, it's that when one openly and/or frequently discusses them that they warrant consideration on the list.
1.0 The Flight of the Conchords. Ever get into a conversation with someone who watches this show? Then you tell them that you gave it a chance but it didn't really do it for you? They look at you as if you'd be better of spending your time playing the banjo on a dilapidated porch in Appalachia. Newsflash: This Show Sucks. Freaks and Geeks may also be substituted.
2.0 Cause Ribbons. I can appreciate - to a degree - somebody who literally dons a legitimate ribbon. Your still probably an asshole, but I admire the effort of actually pinning the ribbon to your lapel, dress, shirt, whatever. Magnetic ones? Stickers, hats and clothing that has the image of a ribbon? Spare us all, please? "I love Children/Soldiers/Insert-Disease-Here Awareness so much that to help support/eradicate it I'm going to wear this shirt or spend $5 on a made-in-china magnet for my made-in-China car." Would that $5 not be better spent being donated to a charity for said designated issue? I thought so.
3.0 Ani DiFranco. I'm not too proud to admit I enjoy some of Ani DiFranco's work. Be you didn't know that. Know why you didn't know that? Cause I'm the one person who enjoys it that doesn't shove it down your throat and end every musical conversation with "Oh without a doubt, Ani DiFranco".
4.0 Aging Sex Symbols. Can we start treating people who talk about how sexy they find Sean Connery or Raquel Welch as what they really are: Borderline Necrophiliacs? Sure, Connery may exude a certain grace or dignity about him and all, but you know how you can cure these feelings? Get your physician drunk and ask him what an 80 year old man looks like naked.
5.0 Being Agnostic. Here's the ultimate irony about people who are agnostic: They're basically telling you they don't prescribe to any religious dogma while confirming in their statement that they in fact do. Agnosticism has gone from a theory to basically Buddhism without the rock gardens. What's wrong with the following answer: "I believe in God, I'm just not religious."
6.0 The Independent Film Channel. As soon as someone begins a sentence with "I saw this movie on IFC last night..." I immediately start thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner for the rest of the month. I'm a film buff to a degree. I like to think I have a pretty good idea of what's a good movie, what's useless junk, and what's a guilty pleasure. But I can't psych myself up for 3 hours of black and white footage of a man in a ladies' nightgown drinking table wine and smoking cigarettes while pacing across a room. In Estonian, with German subtitles.
7.0 Your Blog. What? You think the rest of the world cares what you consider to be Pretentious?
8.0 Serving Only Hummus. It might be 2010, we all might be trying to eat a little healthier, but for crying out loud, some of us still prefer some onion dip or spreadable cheese product! I'm not saying hummus doesn't have a place on your snack table when you're entertaining guests. I know many people all of a sudden enjoy it. But some, if not most of us, still have a 2009 mentality. We like cheese with our crackers. Dips with our chips. Salsa. Spare me the chickpeas. I'll watch what I eat on my own time, it's not your job to worry about my cholesterol.
9.0 Having More than 1 CD Tower on display. Having one CD Tower says "I like to have my limited music collection easily accessible and near my home entertainment system. I have no need for an mp3 player when I only own 1G of music". Perfectly fine and normal. Having 2 or more says "Look at me! Look at how much music I have! Sure I could condense all of this into binders and books and tuck them away but then you wouldn't be able to see it!" On the same note, if you're under 40, you shouldn't even have a CD collection displayed anywhere except in a box in your closet in case your computer crashes.
10.0 White People using Chopsticks. In no way, shape, or form are chopsticks more utilitarian or easier than the standard fork, knife and spoon. None at all. People love to show it off as if they've won some culinary decathlon. In reality, it's the dining equivalent of being able to make fart noises with your armpits. You look like an ass and it's a useless skill.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Rage For The Machine
I'm one of those fortunate 3 million Cablevision subscribers who's had the honor and privilege of getting caught in the middle of a pissing contest between two little pricks, Rupert Murdoch of News Corp. and Charles Dolan of Cablevision. Going on a week now, I've lost the freedom to watch 2 NFL Games (one of which was the Giants) and all five games of the National League Championship Series, not to mention a ton of useless juvenile programs like Glee and the possibility of seeing local news anchor Ernie Anastos telling folks to enjoy bestiality. Not that I ever watch Glee or any brand - be it local or national - of Fox News. But damnit I pay for the right to do so if I so chose. Almost $200 a month.
Truth be told, I'm pretty friggin livid at the whole situation. I know the "easy" answer is "Well you can go get DirecTv" and be all set. And that's true. However, not only is that rewarding Fox (whom I actually tend to blame a little more in this situation), but it's also forcing unnecessary inconveniences down my throat, be it locking into a long term contract with a company with a reputation for miserable customer service, or drilling holes in my roof, or placing an unsightly satellite dish on the log cabin that I live in, or taking time off from work to schedule service, installation and all that fun stuff that falls within a customer friendly 12 hour window. Just because a couple of billionaires are fighting over each others' millions, I have to be put out? F that.
All in all this just another version of the regular guy taking it on the chin from corporations, a glorious American tradition. I realize that puts me in the corner of about 75% of Americans who are fed up and have had it up to here with the fat cats, corporatists, and other powers that shit on our lives and leave us holding the pooper scooper. America right now is a nation of angry bastards. And not for nothing, we've got every right to be.
But here's the problem: By and large they're backing the same goddamn assholes who are making their lives miserable. It's no secret that in the coming weeks, our government is facing a radical takeover. Fueled by "Tea Parties", the Republican party's on the verge of taking over the House, and at the very least, cutting deeply into the Democrats' once solid majority in the Senate. I shed no tear for the unfortunately large sample of D's that have compromised their principles or sold out to the lobbies and special interests that have in turn soiled their brand and derailed an agenda that was more successful than any other electoral campaign in a generation just 2 short years ago.
Nor does my heart break for President Obama, who spent about 75% of his time in office trying to work with people who don't like him, think he's a Muslim and don't believe he was born in the United States. Could you imagine if George W Bush devoted such time and effort to the working class? Or science? Sorry Barry, tens of millions of young people and first time voters came out in 2008 because they wanted change. Not Bush Light.
The Democratic Culpability however is small potatoes compared to the pending surge of lunatics poised to be sworn in next January. The whole notion of these Tea Parties is both inherently flawed in their representation, and contradictory in what they stand for:
I could go on and on about the inaccuracies in their foundations and beliefs, or talk about how they're basically a sheetless Klan, but that's not the point and what's been done, or is about to be done can't be changed. What we need to think about is why working class Americans appear to have the same psychology of battered spouses. Kick the shit out of us, we like it and we want more. That's the basic message of the Tea Party.
They want a return to the same rules and regulations that allowed corporate America, foreign interests, defense contractors and Big Religion to run rampant over America since 1981. This recession must not have been deep enough. The disparity of wealth must not be wide enough. Wall Street must not be rogue enough. Let's give our corporations even more power over us.
And I'll still have no reasonable recourse against Fox and Cablevision.
Truth be told, I'm pretty friggin livid at the whole situation. I know the "easy" answer is "Well you can go get DirecTv" and be all set. And that's true. However, not only is that rewarding Fox (whom I actually tend to blame a little more in this situation), but it's also forcing unnecessary inconveniences down my throat, be it locking into a long term contract with a company with a reputation for miserable customer service, or drilling holes in my roof, or placing an unsightly satellite dish on the log cabin that I live in, or taking time off from work to schedule service, installation and all that fun stuff that falls within a customer friendly 12 hour window. Just because a couple of billionaires are fighting over each others' millions, I have to be put out? F that.
All in all this just another version of the regular guy taking it on the chin from corporations, a glorious American tradition. I realize that puts me in the corner of about 75% of Americans who are fed up and have had it up to here with the fat cats, corporatists, and other powers that shit on our lives and leave us holding the pooper scooper. America right now is a nation of angry bastards. And not for nothing, we've got every right to be.
But here's the problem: By and large they're backing the same goddamn assholes who are making their lives miserable. It's no secret that in the coming weeks, our government is facing a radical takeover. Fueled by "Tea Parties", the Republican party's on the verge of taking over the House, and at the very least, cutting deeply into the Democrats' once solid majority in the Senate. I shed no tear for the unfortunately large sample of D's that have compromised their principles or sold out to the lobbies and special interests that have in turn soiled their brand and derailed an agenda that was more successful than any other electoral campaign in a generation just 2 short years ago.
Nor does my heart break for President Obama, who spent about 75% of his time in office trying to work with people who don't like him, think he's a Muslim and don't believe he was born in the United States. Could you imagine if George W Bush devoted such time and effort to the working class? Or science? Sorry Barry, tens of millions of young people and first time voters came out in 2008 because they wanted change. Not Bush Light.
The Democratic Culpability however is small potatoes compared to the pending surge of lunatics poised to be sworn in next January. The whole notion of these Tea Parties is both inherently flawed in their representation, and contradictory in what they stand for:
- Disguised as a people's uprising, what's consistently missed in their mainstream media portrayal is that they were organized and funded by the same corporate lobbyists that they pretend to so firmly against.
- Despite claims that their foundation lies in deficit reduction, per a NYT/CBS poll, 57% hold George W Bush in a favorable light, the complete opposite of how us civilians feel about him. And we all know how Dubya felt about deficits.
- They appear to hate big government but they insist that the President better keep his government hands off their medicare.
- The Teabaggers love them some liberty. As long as you're straight.
- Worst of all, most of these stooges think that Obama raised their taxes!
COWB: What does Obama stand for?
ME: A welcome change domestically and abroad for starters. Economically he says..
COWB: (Cutting me off) What does Change Mean?
ME: In what regard do you want to know? Economics? Health Care? Iraq? Afghanistan? Education?
COWB: He's no good
ME: Excuse Me? As opposed to the asshole in office now?
COWB: He'll raise your taxes
ME: Yes, if I'm fortunate to somehow make 250G next year, he will. But I don't think that's happening.
COWB: No, that's a lie. He'll raise all of our taxes
ME: Thats a lie? How many troops did Bush kill with his lies about Weapons of Mass Destruction?
COWB: Your wrong
ME: Fuck you.
I could go on and on about the inaccuracies in their foundations and beliefs, or talk about how they're basically a sheetless Klan, but that's not the point and what's been done, or is about to be done can't be changed. What we need to think about is why working class Americans appear to have the same psychology of battered spouses. Kick the shit out of us, we like it and we want more. That's the basic message of the Tea Party.
They want a return to the same rules and regulations that allowed corporate America, foreign interests, defense contractors and Big Religion to run rampant over America since 1981. This recession must not have been deep enough. The disparity of wealth must not be wide enough. Wall Street must not be rogue enough. Let's give our corporations even more power over us.
And I'll still have no reasonable recourse against Fox and Cablevision.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Eddie "Sez": Do The Right Thing Yanks
Tough season in Yankeeland. We lost long time Public Address announcer Bob Sheppard- the Voice of God who only happened to introduce every Yankee Great (and not so great) from the Mantle/DiMaggio era through the Jeter days. Immediately following Mr. Sheppard, George M. Steinbrenner III - he who's made all of this possible - passed away as well. For good measure, a few weeks later Ralph Houk, immortalized by the dude who played D-Day in Animal House in 61* also died. After the extravagant memorials and remembrances for Sheppard and the Boss, the Yanks really had no choice but to throw a black armband on the sleeve for Houk. (But where was the love for Oscar Azocar?)
And just this week, while the pinstripes are trying to figure out how to hit Cliff Lee (or hit anything for that matter) as their World Series title defense is about to come to an untimely end if things don't turn around quickly, we learn of the passing of Freddy Schuman, better known across Yankees Universe (and anyone that's ever seen the "Jump Around" video) as "Freddy Sez".
Each death impacted the franchise and fans in it's own way. None was easier to absorb than any other (OK, sorry, I can't keep pretending Houk's was the equivalent of the other men, armband or no armband). But there's something about Freddy's passing that touched me, and many others.
We heard Sheppard. His voice was comforting. It brought us back to our earliest visits to The Stadium, a stadium that doesn't exist anymore.
We appreciated Steinbrenner. Depending on your age, you either marveled at his transformation from tyrant to patriarch, or you've only known him as the latter.
But we knew Freddy. Everybody's got a story about "banging Freddy's pan", meeting Freddy in the upper deck, taking a picture with him, or countless other types of memories. I myself have more than I can count at the moment. Freddy was us. Devoted. Knowledgeable. Determined.
It's no secret that over past decade and a half, the Yankees have grown into a global empire: a corporate beast that prints money and fields a competitive, championship caliber team year in and year out. For the most part, we accept it and we like it. If you're over 30 years old, you remember a much bleaker time - the Stump Merrill Days of Andy Hawkins and Wayne Tolleson and a whole bunch of mismatched parts fighting to win 70 games. You much prefer the Empire.
The trade-off though lies in what we sacrifice. The Old Stadium, where in 1996, you could drive up the day of the game and purchase a Main Outfield seat for $18 has been replaced by an extravagant, magnificent Taj Mahal across the street, where $18 doesn't even get you a parking spot six blocks away. Unless you're doing extremely well for yourself, you're not sitting too close to the action. More than likely, you need a Sherpa to bring you to your seats. A generation of kids from working class families have no shot to watch batting practice and collect autographs, as I did from the likes of Joel Skinner and Mike Pagliarulo. (And David Cone but jeez, looking back I was probably too old to be doing that).
I love the new Stadium. It's fascinating. I think it's an architectural achievement. I think it does a fantastic job blending tradition and modernity. I think it's a welcome escape from the 15 or so new ballparks with generic green walls and seats that tried to replicate Camden Yards and in the process made the retro-park a more aesthetically pleasing version of the 70's dual-use cookie cutter. But it's not my stadium. This stadium, and all that it offers, belongs to the fat cats.
And that's why Freddy was so important in these first two seasons of the new joint. Freddy was ours. Our spiritual leader. Our icon. Our memories. Most of all, he knew no income limitations. As Freddy himself said on his own website, "The first three innings I start in the Upper Deck because the fans are so enthusiastic up there."
For Game 3 of the 2010 American League Championship Series - the first home game since Freddy passed away, the Yankees honored him by displaying his pan & spoon, and observing a moment of silence before the first pitch. True class from an organization that is rarely anything but. However, the franchise should take it one step further. Freddy "Sez" Schuman should be honored with a plaque in Monument Park, as a tribute to not only his devotion and loyalty, but as a tribute to all Yankee fans, whom without our financial support and emotional investment, the Yankees would not exist. George Steinbrenner himself had said so on many occasions.
Make no mistake: It doesn't cheapen the legacy of any of the great men in Monument Park if the Yankees do right by Mr. Schuman and dedicate a plaque to him. Aside from the men who have taken the field in pinstripes, there are dedications to Mr. Sheppard, Steinbrenner, owner Jacob Rupert, and broadcaster Mel Allen.
On top of that, three Popes who have said Mass at all three incarnations of The Stadium are memorialized.
What's one more Spiritual Leader?
The Legacy of "Freddy Sez" should die with this current generation of fans. If the Yankees can sell a #4 T-Shirt with "S.Carter" on the back to commemorate a recent Jay-Z concert, surely they can find room in their cherished legacy to represent their greatest fan of all time.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Imagine
Don't you ever wonder,
Maybe if things had been slightly different
You could be somebody else
Don't you wonder, maybe...
If you took a left turn instead of taking a right, You could be somebody different
-Dave Matthews Band
Because I can be quite the downer, I just spent the better part of the last hour going through some emails I have filed away from nine years ago. Well, nine years and a day. There was nothing surprising in the folder. The messages basically cover all the necessary stages, from "What the hell is going on?" to "Are you OK?" to "Payback's gonna be a bitch?" to "Are they really canceling football this weekend?"
What did strike me though, was some of the remarks at the time about The President. You all remember who was President on 9/11. The guy reading "My Pet Goat" with pee dribbling down his leg. Anyway, the people with whom I was exchanging mass-emails with that day, roughly 50-60 different folks on 3 or 4 different chains, they didn't vote for Bush. Didn't like him. Thought he stole it. Thought he was an idiot. Didn't trust him. Like me. And tens of millions others.
However, on that day, when Bush was mentioned, it was along the lines of "Well, we have to stand behind President Bush now" or "Bush needs to be strong" or "Pray for the President". Generic platitudes. But positive nonetheless.
Beyond that, I remember the conversations and the official statements. I remember the attitudes. Bush had a 92% approval rating that week (I wear my badge as a Proud Eight Percenter with honor - but not because I automatically distrusted him. No, he lost me with "Dead or Alive"). I remember how the Patriot Act passed the Senate by a 99-1 margin.
Then I started thinking about two separate, but very similar hypothetical situations. What if the Supreme Court had ruled to allow the votes to be counted, and Al Gore was President that day? Or, what if the attack happened in September 2009 instead, under Barack Obama. (Granted, that's a stretch because the events of 9/11 directly led to Obama's rise). But the point is - if the President during the attacks was a Democrat, would The Heartland, The Deep South, and The Republican Party stand so firmly behind the President in a time of such crisis?
Sadly I believe -nay, I know - it wouldn't be the case. After 2 FAILED terrorist attacks last winter, Obama was accused of being soft on terrorism. Even though the towers fell on their watch, and even though they grossly and criminally mishandled the response to the attack, for some reason, these chicken-hawks think that they own the copyright on national security. They think they own it on the economy too, and they're track record is equally as disastrous there. So delusions of grandeur seem to be a necessary character trait for aspiring conservative leaders.
Keep this in mind the next time some asshole like Glenn Beck or Sarah Palin talks about "Restoring" honor or dignity or patriotism - three qualities that they stand in direct opposition to. These people only care about their version of America. They stand behind the President only when it's the guy they voted for. They don't, have never, care about more than the bare minimum amount of Americans: however many it takes to get to 271 Electoral votes and/or House Districts.
It's a well known, indisputable fact that Bush had a globe's worth of goodwill and unheard of levels of domestic support and he squandered it. But they don't care about that, because they don't care about you, or the globe, or the World Trade Center. Just their psychotic agenda, and nothing more. It's sad that 9 years later, on September 10th (or as it's known in the Giuliani household, "Christmas Eve") that this agenda, despite failing so obviously and in such a visible manner, is not only still breathing, but on the brink of a return.
A mildly retarded man once said "fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again"
Not the case.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Tony Dungy: Liberty & Justice For Some
I've never been a big fan of the New York tabloid media critics. Always seemed rather senseless to me growing up. I didn't need Phil Mushnick to tell me that Mike Francesa was arrogant or Ralph Kiner was senile. Every time I catch an interesting headline from them these days and see what they have to say, I usually feel the need to shower afterward. Except this time. I caught a piece where Bob Raissman (who looks like he's trying to sell me tickets to a 1932 circus in the dust bowl) calling out Tony Dungy in response to a little quarrel Dungy's having with a local blowhard. Raissman points out:
Dungy has a history of passing judgment on others and criticizing their life-styles. In 2007, the then-Colts coach came out against same-sex marriage, supporting the Indiana Family Institute, which sought to make gay marriage illegal in the state.
Back then, in an interview with USA Today, Dungy claimed he wasn't "anti-anything." He said: "We're not trying to downgrade anyone else. But we're trying to promote the family - family values the Lord's way....I'm on the Lord's side."
Personally, I think marriage equality is the defining civil rights issue of our day. I also believe it's inevitable. Conversely, I believe in this novel concept that people can worship whatever or whoever they want equally. Whether it's a distorted and manipulated version of Jesus that apparently hates gays even though he spent his last three years in the company of men, or some prophet while you're chilaxin in a former Burlington Coat Factory in lower Manhattan. Seriously, worship whatever the hell you like, just don't shove it down my throat (and tone down the bumper stickers too while you're at it).
Having said all that, it's 2010. It's allegedly an age of not only accountability, but (often over the top) political correctness. A few years back, ESPN kicked Rush Limbaugh and his drug abusing fat ass to the curb for inappropriate comments about quote-un-quote-black quarterbacks. Conversely, NBC's decided to prominently feature Dungy, who had the remarkable skill to win one lone Super Bowl with arguably the greatest QB of all time in his prime, as a key analyst in their crowded NFL studio show.
Yes, I realize that this happened almost 3 full years ago. Yes, I realize the whole point of the article is Dungy's ridiculous complaints about a coach using naughty words. Yes, I realize that for reasons unbeknown to me, certain sects of Christianity do more to combat homosexuality than they do child molestation. But just because this slipped under the radar doesn't mean it should be swept under the rug.
What Dungy was arguing for in 2007 was a law to actually prohibit individual freedoms. And they were freedoms enjoyed by every other slice of the electorate. We're not talking about the right to indulge in crystal meth. We're not talking about the right to drink and drive. We're talking about a basic fundamental human right enjoyed by hundreds of millions Americans - that harms absolutely no one . But Tony Dungy's Lord says no.
And that's great. I'm glad Dungy has a direct line to his Lord and knows what side he's on. He may believe that he's doing the Lord's work but he's got to keep in mind, 60 years ago, people who fought tooth in nail believed that they were doing the Lord's work in an attempt to prevent Dungy's relatives from marrying white people.
For what it's worth, a decade ago, CBS knew enough to withdraw their NFL Coverage contract offer to another bigot hiding behind "The Lord" when he made equally offensive statements about gays and lesbians.
I don't think Tony Dungy should lose his job. I didn't think Don Imus should have either. We're too quick to call for resignations these days. Freedom of Speech (and if you want to call bigotry "Freedom of Religion" fine) is not only meant for comfortable speech. It's up to the people to view who they want to view, listen to who they want to listen too. Plus, who the hell am I, just some clown with an opinion. I just don't think people really know the real Tony Dungy. They know how adherent he is to his faith, but maybe that's the bigger issue. Maybe we should focus less on what's being taught at a Madras in Indonesia and more on what's being preached in our own zip codes.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Riddle Me This: Barack and Christlam
On the way to work this morning, for no reason whatsoever, I started to think about the countless questions that I have - many for some time now - that remain completely unanswered. At least in a satisfactory way. I remember as a youngling, when I found myself puzzled, I could do one of two things: ask somebody, or go to the library.
Being raised in a Catholic home and having attended a Catholic grammar school, ask someone inevitably meant bracing for the response "Because that's the way God wants it". Looking it up usually meant referring to either my father's Encyclopedia collection (that, no lie, when listing the Presidents, had "John Fitzgerald Kennedy: 1961 -" and well, didn't refer to African-Americans in a way I'm comfortable repeating on the internet) or going to a slightly (not by much) more updated library.
But the internet changed all that. Or, at least it was supposed to. Still, things remain that not even Google will answer. I'm not talking about the philosophical ("Why are we here?") or the conspiratorial ("Who killed Kennedy?"). Simple questions that nobody has taken the time to answer for me, despite my ranting, and what I believe to be sensible queries into the times we live in.
So, in borrowing a phrase from my favorite villain on my favorite horrible TV show as a kid, I ask you, The Internet....
Riddle Me This: How can the same people who decried Barack Obama's Christian Pastor Jeremiah Wright now say with a straight face that they believe Obama is a Mulsim?
I'm serious. For years my wife's favorite gripe about BushCheneyCo was "their inability to hold an opposing thoughts". Well my dear, the right wing has finally taken "holding opposing thoughts" to the extreme.
They spent the better part of 2008 screaming about "Black Liberation Theology" that allegedly took place at these Christian churches in the inner city. Now, 33% of Republicans think that the President is a Muslim.
I'm not stupid. I know these people treat Muslim as a derogatory slur that they're somehow - in ways that they're too feeble-minded to understand - allowed to say in public (as opposed to what you and I absolutely know they call him behind closed doors). It's part of the klan-sans-sheets nature of the Tea Party. But I would think that even these simpletons could think back to their outrage at Reverend Wright and realize "Hey? Didn't I kill this guy for baptizing his children in the fucking name of Christ Jesus in this man's church?"
Obviously we're dealing with some low-dangling fruit here. The same folks don't believe he was born in the United States. And I get that there's some backlash because they may feel we disrespected their President who broke the whole world and all. But I don't ever recall anybody on the left ever saying "George Bush is a Genius" after years of saying the complete opposite.
So "cowboy up" teabaggers. How can one man be simultaneously be a Muslim and a White-Hatin' Christian?
At least one inquiring mind wants to know.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
A Touch of Gray: The RFFL @ 10
An organization near and dear to me celebrates it's 10th birthday this Saturday. While it's hardly as important as the Red Cross, not nearly as influential as the Freemasons or as popular as AARP, it's all three and then some to me. Happy First Decade to the Rimmers Fantasy Football League.
Sure, it may sound petty on the surface. Millions of Americans play fantasy sports every year, and millions more may belong to organizations or collectives that have a much greater and hopefully positive impact on humanity. What makes this any different? Or any better? Isn't it just an excuse for 10 guys to get together once a year, get blind drunk and communicate every Sunday morning? Well, the short answer would be: Absolutely.
But I'm normally not one for short answers, and this isn't any different.
The RFFL began 10 years ago at a cross-roads of my life of sorts. I was a full year out of college but maintained a link to the glory days as a handful of my friends remained there for one more year. For that brief period, I had the best of both worlds - a full time job and salary, with unfettered access to the carefree college lifestyle that I had grown to love so much. But like all great things, that was coming to an end.
Among other hobbies like beer pong, video games and the tossing of lunchmeat on the faces of unsuspecting, passed out individuals, fantasy football was one of the activities that my friends I partook in. Some of us had pre-college experience, some none, but all fell in love. The 1999 season was a special one for me. My team, The Whiskey Dicks (a name which I rather not get into at the moment) pulled off the upset of all upsets against the juggernaut Salty Dogs, thanks in part to an unnecessary 2 point conversion from Kerry Collins when the Giants were getting obliterated by Kurt Warner's Rams. The Dicks were champions, and I was hooked. And I wanted Kerry Collins as my QB for life.
Not long after that, I started tossing the idea of a "Keeper" league around (where you keep certain players each year). Reaction was lukewarm league-wide at first, but thanks to my brother Sean, my high school freshman lab partner Brian, and John, of my college roommates who dared to dream, we had an interested core, and we spent the summer drawing up guidelines and working the existing members of our league to the point where, by August 2000, we had 8 men around John's kitchen table in Suffern, New York on hand to hear Brian's stepfather Gary announce that Peyton Manning was the first ever player selected in the Rimmers Fantasy Football League. I had no idea what impact this moment would have on my life at the time.
After tinkering the next two seasons with expansion and replacements, for the 2002 season, we had a lineup of 10 men that hasn't changed. And that is precisely why I'm celebrating this birthday.
These 10 men, these 10 friends, this intoxicating band of brothers, finds a way every Second Saturday of August to blow off all obligations and make it up to my deck for the festivities. And therein lies the glory of what the RFFL really is. We're all north of thirty now (Not naming names, but one of us is north of fifty too). We used to hit up bars every weekend. We used to have an annual Christmas Party. We used to have a Halloween Party. We used to BBQ a couple times every summer. We used to hit up a bunch of Yankee games. We used to pack 3 or 4 hotel rooms for concerts all over the northeast. We don't really do any of that too often anymore. And that's why I'm celebrating this birthday.
That Sacred Saturday is the one defined time out of the year to get together and catch up on these milestones, good and bad. Maybe it's a new car. Maybe it's a sick parent. Maybe a baby's first step. Maybe a job hanging on by a thread. From a selfish perspective, I spend the day with my 5 best friends from college, my brother, my brother-in-law, my friend of 20 years and the man who took us out for our 21st birthdays a long time ago (again, no details shared for the good of all). Who could ask for anything more?
Because it's more than just touchdowns and draft picks. Since that first draft, six of us have gotten married and seventh will this October. We've welcomed four children: Maya, Quinn, Ella and Dylan (And one grandson). We've welcomed nieces and nephews. We secured millions of dollars worth of sub-prime mortgages.
Our lives have shifted from happy hours to property taxes. From tailgates to college funds and we've all gone through it together. My brother in law moved to Jacksonville 5 years ago. He hasn't missed a draft since. That's why I'm celebrating this birthday.
On top of all of this, the Draft - the League - has given us enough memories to last a lifetime. Whether it's Brian's 10 year old step brother asking how to spell "Crusty Beuerline" back in 2000, Anthony Becht needing 1 point and failing on the last Monday Night of the 2004 season to get Mark's team into the playoffs for the first time, Gary walking his cooler down Teaneck Road at 2 in the morning, Sean attempting to eat 100 chicken McNuggets after he and Travis forgot to go to sleep at the 06 Draft, or the improbable anti-perfect season that John's Stoagies managed in 2004, an 0-13 season that we still can't comprehend to this day, there's little doubt that our lives have been enriched by the league's existence. And that's why I'm celebrating this birthday.
Life gets in the way - there's no mistaking that. Maybe when we started we were naive or oblivious to what lied ahead as our twenties expired and the dawn of thirtyhood was on the horizon. Maybe we refused to believe it. Maybe we knew it all along. In the name of progress and maturity, we've grown up. We pay our bills. Lots of them. We're all better people for it. We boast three dedicated fathers and eight men who would jump into the pits of hell for their wives. But once a year, it's that Suffern Kitchen Table all over again. And that's why I'm celebrating this birthday.
It would be criminally negligent if I didn't thank the unsung hero of the draft in my selfish opinion: My wife. I find it hard to believe that she (our any or our wives) understands what we do, or why we do it, or what it means. But year after year, she helps me prepare for it, helps me get the house in order, and
I raise a glass (or more likely, a plastic 16 oz red solo cup) and salute my 9 fellow league members: Gary Burmeister, our current champion Eric Couillard, Sean Hanratty, Joaquim Johnson, Erik Peterson, Travis, Mark Sprengel Brian Thompson and Michael Woods. I salute you for the memories, the experience, and the many good years and decades ahead. We may have added a Touch of Gray, but we're Built To Last.
Friday, July 16, 2010
The Dylan Canon
Over the past 48 hours I've been on an inexplicable Bob Dylan kick. Not that it's completely out of the ordinary, after all, I friggin love the man. But this kick is stronger than usual and the only reason I can possibly point to is. with the recent passings of George Steinbrenner and Bob Sheppard, Bob Dylan clearly becomes my favorite Senior Citizen.
Unless Bill Clinton is 65 yet, but even then, I have a Love/Hate thing with Bill. Hate him when speaking with fellow progressives because really, he was just a centrist who didn't really advance an agenda, but love him when talking to conservatives, if only to drive the point home that he was far and away better than the two shitsticks that sandwiched him.
Political tangent done.
So I'm going with the theory that Dylan is officially now my favorite living legend, and hell, maybe he was when George was alive, I never really compared the two. To satisfy the Dylan urge, I put together a list of what I consider The Dylan Canon: Seventy vital Dylan tunes, to celebrate Dylan's 70th year on earth, which began in late May. Also, I needed a more defined Dylan playlist on the iPod for when I wanted to hear a Dylan mix but didn't want to stumble upon Born Again Bob or some live tracks. I guess the alternate title of The Canon would be "The Unskippale Bob Dylan".
Funny part about Bob approaching 70 - I remember seeing Dylan with a bunch of friends when he played at William Paterson University's gym in 1997, and at the Garden State Arts Center later that summer, under the guise of "We have to see him now while he's still alive".
Dude was only 57. Oh to be 20 again and have no real perspective on aging and mortality. But I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.
Bringing it all back home, these are not in order, nor are they intended to be ranked. They're just one man's humble opinion of the 70 most vital Dylan songs, and for what it's worth, this list could be 100, 125 or 150 with very little additional effort. We're talking about Bob Fucking Dylan here.
All Along The Watchtower
All I Really Want To Do
Ballad Of A Thin Man
Blowin' In The Wind
Changing Of The Guards
Chimes Of Freedom
Corrina, Corrina
Days Of 49
Desolation Row
Don't Think Twice, It's All Right
Forever Young
Gates Of Eden
Girl From The North Country
A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall
Highway 61 Revisited
Hurricane
I'll Be Your Baby Tonight
I Don't Believe You (She Acts Like We Never Have Met)
I Shall Be Free
I Shall Be Released
I Want You
Idiot Wind
If Not For You
Isis
It's All Over Now, Baby Blue
It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)
It Ain't Me Babe
It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry
Joey
Just Like A Woman
Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues
Knockin' On Heaven's Door
Lay Lady Lay
The Levee's Gonna Break
Like A Rolling Stone
Lily, Rosemary And The Jack Of Hearts
Lonesome Death Of Hattie Carroll
Love Minus Zero/No Limit
Maggie's Farm
Make You Feel My Love
Masters Of War
Most Likely You Go Your Way And I'll Go Mine
Mr. Tambourine Man
My Back Pages
Not Dark Yet
Oh, Sister
One More Cup Of Coffee
One Of Us Must Know (Sooner Or Later)
Oxford Town
Peggy Day
Positively 4th Street
Queen Jane Approximately
Quinn The Eskimo
Rainy Day Women #12 & 35
Sad Eyed Lady Of The Lowlands
Señor (Tales Of Yankee Power)
Shelter From The Storm
Simple Twist Of Fate
Spanish Harlem Incident
Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again
Subterranean Homesick Blues
Tangled Up In Blue
The Times They Are A-Changin'
To Ramona
Tombstone Blues
Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You
Trying To Get To Heaven
Visions Of Johanna
You're A Big Girl
You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go
Unless Bill Clinton is 65 yet, but even then, I have a Love/Hate thing with Bill. Hate him when speaking with fellow progressives because really, he was just a centrist who didn't really advance an agenda, but love him when talking to conservatives, if only to drive the point home that he was far and away better than the two shitsticks that sandwiched him.
Political tangent done.
So I'm going with the theory that Dylan is officially now my favorite living legend, and hell, maybe he was when George was alive, I never really compared the two. To satisfy the Dylan urge, I put together a list of what I consider The Dylan Canon: Seventy vital Dylan tunes, to celebrate Dylan's 70th year on earth, which began in late May. Also, I needed a more defined Dylan playlist on the iPod for when I wanted to hear a Dylan mix but didn't want to stumble upon Born Again Bob or some live tracks. I guess the alternate title of The Canon would be "The Unskippale Bob Dylan".
Funny part about Bob approaching 70 - I remember seeing Dylan with a bunch of friends when he played at William Paterson University's gym in 1997, and at the Garden State Arts Center later that summer, under the guise of "We have to see him now while he's still alive".
Dude was only 57. Oh to be 20 again and have no real perspective on aging and mortality. But I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.
Bringing it all back home, these are not in order, nor are they intended to be ranked. They're just one man's humble opinion of the 70 most vital Dylan songs, and for what it's worth, this list could be 100, 125 or 150 with very little additional effort. We're talking about Bob Fucking Dylan here.
All Along The Watchtower
All I Really Want To Do
Ballad Of A Thin Man
Blowin' In The Wind
Changing Of The Guards
Chimes Of Freedom
Corrina, Corrina
Days Of 49
Desolation Row
Don't Think Twice, It's All Right
Forever Young
Gates Of Eden
Girl From The North Country
A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall
Highway 61 Revisited
Hurricane
I'll Be Your Baby Tonight
I Don't Believe You (She Acts Like We Never Have Met)
I Shall Be Free
I Shall Be Released
I Want You
Idiot Wind
If Not For You
Isis
It's All Over Now, Baby Blue
It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)
It Ain't Me Babe
It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry
Joey
Just Like A Woman
Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues
Knockin' On Heaven's Door
Lay Lady Lay
The Levee's Gonna Break
Like A Rolling Stone
Lily, Rosemary And The Jack Of Hearts
Lonesome Death Of Hattie Carroll
Love Minus Zero/No Limit
Maggie's Farm
Make You Feel My Love
Masters Of War
Most Likely You Go Your Way And I'll Go Mine
Mr. Tambourine Man
My Back Pages
Not Dark Yet
Oh, Sister
One More Cup Of Coffee
One Of Us Must Know (Sooner Or Later)
Oxford Town
Peggy Day
Positively 4th Street
Queen Jane Approximately
Quinn The Eskimo
Rainy Day Women #12 & 35
Sad Eyed Lady Of The Lowlands
Señor (Tales Of Yankee Power)
Shelter From The Storm
Simple Twist Of Fate
Spanish Harlem Incident
Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again
Subterranean Homesick Blues
Tangled Up In Blue
The Times They Are A-Changin'
To Ramona
Tombstone Blues
Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You
Trying To Get To Heaven
Visions Of Johanna
You're A Big Girl
You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Music Madness: Charlottesville Sweet 16
Slowly, slowly, slowly getting through this. The end is near. Not really, but it's that much closer. And it shall be even closer after I blow through these two interesting matchups.
Box Score Keys: EC (Entire Collection - 3 pts), DA (Defining Album - 2), PC (Personal Connection - 2), DS (Defining Song -1), HI (Historical Impact -1)
DMB: def (16) Queen 8-1, (8) Elvis Presley 8-1
BJ: def (12) Rage Against the Machine 6-3, (4) U2 5-4
Box Score:
EC: Admittedly a strong case could be made for either. Billy Joel cut his last new album (River of Dreams) within months of DMB's first (Remember Two Things). In the last 5 years, I've drank overpriced beer in the presence of both. However, there are so few chinks in Matthews' armor, and they've kept on keepin on for so long now that despite the tough competition, this one goes their way. ADV: DMB
PC: I got my first Billy Joel album, Storm Front, for Christmas in 1989. Early in 1990, I bought the double-cassette Greatest Hits Volumes 1 & 2. Remember those bulky motherfuckers? They wouldn't fit in a standard cassette holder/case unless it had a few slots specifically defined for them, hence making it impossible to sort your collection in any semblance of order? Reason #175 why I prefer digital music collections. Back to the point. Billy carried on through high school and college, the collection of impacting tunes litters my memory: "Piano Man", "Goodnight Saigon", "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant", "Only the Good Die Young", "Downeaster Alexa" and so on and so forth. But Matthews is something different. Something spiritual. I'll explain in the next round, because by taking this category, he's already advanced.
ADV: DMB
DA: In the list of Sweet 16 defining albums, The Stranger checks in at 14. Crash makes the Top 5. ADV: DMB
DS: "Piano Man" may not be my favorite BJ tune, but as I had previously mentioned, sometimes the song picks the artist. He's known as The Piano Man for Christ's sake. An artist like DMB, there's more latitude - which isn't always a good thing because trying to come up with one is a recipe for spending $5 on a bottle of Excedrin. I went with "Two Step", and it checks in at #4. 11 spots ahead of "Piano Man" ADV: DMB
HI: DMB's yet to win this and this is their best chance yet. However, stepping away from my bias, Billy Joel ranks among the best of the singer/songwriters that defined much of the 1970s. Actually, he is THE best. The Piano Man avoids the shutout. ADV: Billy Joel
FINAL SCORE: DAVE MATTHEWS BAND 8 - BILLY JOEL 1
DOORS: def (15) Dropkick Murphys 9-0, (10) Jay-Z 5-4
FLOYD: def (14) Arctic Monkeys 9-0, (6) Phish 9-0
EC: What a battle of heavyweights we got going on here. Starting with this category and extending all the way through, these are almost as close as you can get - nothing comes easy. Obviously neither is contributing to their collections anymore (or recently for that matter) but there's no way to over-state how stellar both are. The Wall. L.A. Woman. Dark Side of the Moon. The Soft Parade. Wish You Were Here. The Doors. Animals. How do you pick a winner here? I'm going Doors but if you disagree, I don't blame you. Tomorrow I could say Floyd. I just think every single Doors album is a masterpiece. Then again, most Floyd is too.
ADV: Doors
DA: Another one that's very close. I have Dark Side of the Moon three spots ahead of The Doors. And I feel dirty about picking against either.
ADV: Pink Floyd
PC: Oh I don't know how strongly I can go into my personal connection to Pink Floyd, this being the Internets and all. Just take my word for it. Especially if you ever spent 6 hours sitting in a Pine Hall bathroom with the black light on listening to Pulse. The Doors, different story. It was actually the Oliver Stone 1990 movie that turned me on to them. For the first time ever, I was seeking out music that wasn't played on Z-100 or Power 95. I was chastised by nuns for making Jim Morrison the centerpiece of an art project. Fucking nunts. I'm not saying they're the most influential band of my life, but they were personal pioneers. They take this down, and with it, they move on.
ADV: Doors
DS: Just as close as personal connection. I barely, barely, barely have "The End" edging out "Shine On You Crazy Diamond". So barely. If it were anymore bare, it would be arrested for indecent exposure.
HI: Yet another tight one. And really, I feel horrible for Pink Floyd because they're coming up short in the box score but each category was so close. I think the Doors were the first ever "Fuck You" band. And I like that. ADV: Doors
FINAL SCORE: THE DOORS 7 - PINK FLOYD 2
Box Score Keys: EC (Entire Collection - 3 pts), DA (Defining Album - 2), PC (Personal Connection - 2), DS (Defining Song -1), HI (Historical Impact -1)
(1) Dave Matthews Band v (5) Billy Joel
How They Got Here: DMB: def (16) Queen 8-1, (8) Elvis Presley 8-1
BJ: def (12) Rage Against the Machine 6-3, (4) U2 5-4
Box Score:
EC: Admittedly a strong case could be made for either. Billy Joel cut his last new album (River of Dreams) within months of DMB's first (Remember Two Things). In the last 5 years, I've drank overpriced beer in the presence of both. However, there are so few chinks in Matthews' armor, and they've kept on keepin on for so long now that despite the tough competition, this one goes their way. ADV: DMB
PC: I got my first Billy Joel album, Storm Front, for Christmas in 1989. Early in 1990, I bought the double-cassette Greatest Hits Volumes 1 & 2. Remember those bulky motherfuckers? They wouldn't fit in a standard cassette holder/case unless it had a few slots specifically defined for them, hence making it impossible to sort your collection in any semblance of order? Reason #175 why I prefer digital music collections. Back to the point. Billy carried on through high school and college, the collection of impacting tunes litters my memory: "Piano Man", "Goodnight Saigon", "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant", "Only the Good Die Young", "Downeaster Alexa" and so on and so forth. But Matthews is something different. Something spiritual. I'll explain in the next round, because by taking this category, he's already advanced.
ADV: DMB
DA: In the list of Sweet 16 defining albums, The Stranger checks in at 14. Crash makes the Top 5. ADV: DMB
DS: "Piano Man" may not be my favorite BJ tune, but as I had previously mentioned, sometimes the song picks the artist. He's known as The Piano Man for Christ's sake. An artist like DMB, there's more latitude - which isn't always a good thing because trying to come up with one is a recipe for spending $5 on a bottle of Excedrin. I went with "Two Step", and it checks in at #4. 11 spots ahead of "Piano Man" ADV: DMB
HI: DMB's yet to win this and this is their best chance yet. However, stepping away from my bias, Billy Joel ranks among the best of the singer/songwriters that defined much of the 1970s. Actually, he is THE best. The Piano Man avoids the shutout. ADV: Billy Joel
FINAL SCORE: DAVE MATTHEWS BAND 8 - BILLY JOEL 1
(2) The Doors v (3) Pink Floyd
HOW THEY GOT HERE: DOORS: def (15) Dropkick Murphys 9-0, (10) Jay-Z 5-4
FLOYD: def (14) Arctic Monkeys 9-0, (6) Phish 9-0
EC: What a battle of heavyweights we got going on here. Starting with this category and extending all the way through, these are almost as close as you can get - nothing comes easy. Obviously neither is contributing to their collections anymore (or recently for that matter) but there's no way to over-state how stellar both are. The Wall. L.A. Woman. Dark Side of the Moon. The Soft Parade. Wish You Were Here. The Doors. Animals. How do you pick a winner here? I'm going Doors but if you disagree, I don't blame you. Tomorrow I could say Floyd. I just think every single Doors album is a masterpiece. Then again, most Floyd is too.
ADV: Doors
DA: Another one that's very close. I have Dark Side of the Moon three spots ahead of The Doors. And I feel dirty about picking against either.
ADV: Pink Floyd
PC: Oh I don't know how strongly I can go into my personal connection to Pink Floyd, this being the Internets and all. Just take my word for it. Especially if you ever spent 6 hours sitting in a Pine Hall bathroom with the black light on listening to Pulse. The Doors, different story. It was actually the Oliver Stone 1990 movie that turned me on to them. For the first time ever, I was seeking out music that wasn't played on Z-100 or Power 95. I was chastised by nuns for making Jim Morrison the centerpiece of an art project. Fucking nunts. I'm not saying they're the most influential band of my life, but they were personal pioneers. They take this down, and with it, they move on.
ADV: Doors
DS: Just as close as personal connection. I barely, barely, barely have "The End" edging out "Shine On You Crazy Diamond". So barely. If it were anymore bare, it would be arrested for indecent exposure.
HI: Yet another tight one. And really, I feel horrible for Pink Floyd because they're coming up short in the box score but each category was so close. I think the Doors were the first ever "Fuck You" band. And I like that. ADV: Doors
FINAL SCORE: THE DOORS 7 - PINK FLOYD 2
Friday, June 18, 2010
Up to the minute US Scenarios.
Here we go Yo! Here we go Yo! Just figured out the scenarios for he US to advance to the Knock Out Round of the FIFAo 2010 World Cup. All scenarios assume either a Yanks win or tie against Algeria. Also take into consideration all 3 possible outcomes of the UK/Algeria match about to kick-off. So in 3 hours, this will be reduced by 66%.
If the chart below makes your eyes hurt, you can see a full size chart right here. (Or just click on the chart below)
In a nut-shell, it looks very, very, very good for us obnoxious Americans with a win. A tie and we're going to need a lot of help, likely impossible help since we'll have a goal differential of Zero. And I didn't even bother figuring out a loss cause we'd be done:
If the chart below makes your eyes hurt, you can see a full size chart right here. (Or just click on the chart below)
In a nut-shell, it looks very, very, very good for us obnoxious Americans with a win. A tie and we're going to need a lot of help, likely impossible help since we'll have a goal differential of Zero. And I didn't even bother figuring out a loss cause we'd be done:
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Music Madness: Liverpool - Sweet 16
Forgive me if I'm a little disheveled this morning. I'm still coming to grips with what I will heretofore refer to as The Great Hanson Riots of 2010. I've been slacking a bit of late, but I want to make the nuns proud and follow the words of wisdom laid out by Sammy Hagar and Eddie Van Halen - Finish What Ya Started.
Today's region brings what should be a blowout on paper as the 1 seed takes on Cinderella, and a very, very intriguing 2 v 3 match up.
Confused? Here's all you need to know
Box Score Keys: EC (Entire Collection - 3 pts), DA (Defining Album - 2), PC (Personal Connection - 2), DS (Defining Song -1), HI (Historical Impact -1)
BEATLES: def (16) Kings of Leon 9-0, (8) Wolffe tones 9-0
SUBLIME: def (5) Jimi Hendrix 5-4, (4) Johnny Cash 5-4
Box Score:
EC: Sublime is yet to win this category, which makes it even more impressive that they've advanced, as this is the most valuable one. And for the third straight time, they fail to win it. Does it mean good things ahead? ADV: BEATLES
PC: This is where the upstarts have made their noise, as I've mentioned the youthful, fun, illicit, illegal and bizarre memories set to their soundtrack. But that ends here. We're talking about the Beatles here. The one cool band my parents liked. The Babe Ruth of 101.1 CBS FM. Like most, I had a strong Beatles foundation to begin with, but going off to school, discovering each album on an individual basis, it was a whole new experience some 25, 30 years after their release. You can't just write off something like that. ADV: BEATLES
DA: This is officially in the books. Now it's just a matter of seeing if the Liverpudlians can match Dylan's 27-0 categorical start. Of the 16 teams to advance to the regional semi-finals, Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ranks 6th among all albums. 40 oz to Freedom, though I love it so, comes in 16th. ADV: BEATLES
DS: "Hey Jude" you're number 11. If you're "Waiting for My Ruca", you'll find her at thirteen. ADV: BEATLES
HI: Like comparing Thomas Jefferson and George W. Bush. Yeah, they were both Presidents and all, but...ADV: BEATLES
The fairytale is over, it's down to the big boys now. And John, George, Paul and Ringo carry their undefeated streak into the Elite 8.
FINAL SCORE: BEATLES 9 - SUBLIME 0
(2) Led Zeppelin v (3) Pearl Jam
How They Got Here:
ZEPPELIN: Def (15) Raconteurs 9-0, (10) Willie Nelson 9-0
PEARL JAM: Def (14) Radiohead 9-0, (6) Rolling Stones 8-1
Box Score:
EC: What a battle of heavyweights we have going on right now. With the release of Backspacer, Pearl Jam has expanded their resume into some rarefied air. 9 albums. 18 years. Many classics among them. Most impressive, in my opinion, is that they're best 5 consist of their first 3 and last 2. Could it be that I was into other things in the middle? Maybe. Zeppelin likewise has 9 major releases to their name. And maybe it's because of the aforementioned middle-gap with Pearl Jam, but I have to declare this one to be property of Led Zeppelin. ADV: LZ
DA: On that chart I just mentioned, Zeppelin's Houses of the Holy comes in at a very respectable #9. That's eight spots behind Ten. You can do the math on that one. ADV: PJ
DS: I felt there was no choice but to name "Stairway" the defining Zeppelin songs. Some artists, I can make the choice. Sometimes, the choice makes itself despite what I may think. Bob Dylan's "Like a Rolling Stone" may be his most popular tune, but it's not the song that the masses define him by. The only other comp I can come with here is the relationship between Lynrd Skynrd and "Free Bird". I may prefer "Going to California" or "The Immigrant Song" personally, but "Stairway" it is, and that's ranked #10. Regardless of which song I went with though, it wasn't touching the fabled sheets of empty canvas. ADV: PJ
HI: Hitting the homestretch at a 3-3 tie, could one expect any less? I struggled with this one and here's why: I grew up with the notion that Led Zeppelin was already classic rock. By the time I was buying music on my own, they were done making it, about 18 years after their debut. However, now we're 18 years into Pearl Jam's popular existence. Is it not time that they enter the same pantheon? I think it is. But some states of mind are impossible to exit. I still view the two in completely different ways. Maybe I'm holding on to the idea of youth, but I have to call this one for Zep. ADV: LZ
PC: My favorite category. And I've probably made it clear already. I'll explain more in the Elite Eight how strong the bond is as they go head-to-head with the Undefeated Beatles - a connection match up that I have no idea how it may shake out. But Pearl Jam's going to be a tough beat in this category. For all comers. ADV: PJ
FINAL SCORE: PEARL JAM 5 - LED ZEPPELIN 4
REMAINING SCHEDULE
Charlottesville Sweet 16
(1) Dave Matthews Band v (5) Billy Joel
(2) The Doors v (3) Pink Floyd
San Francisco Sweet 16
(1) Grateful Dead v (4) Bob Marley
(2) Bruce Springsteen v (3) Simon & Garfunkel
The Village Regional Final
(1) Bob Dylan v (2) Guns N Roses
Liverpool Regional Final
(1) Beatles v (3) Pearl Jam.
Today's region brings what should be a blowout on paper as the 1 seed takes on Cinderella, and a very, very intriguing 2 v 3 match up.
Confused? Here's all you need to know
Box Score Keys: EC (Entire Collection - 3 pts), DA (Defining Album - 2), PC (Personal Connection - 2), DS (Defining Song -1), HI (Historical Impact -1)
(1) Beatles v (12) Sublime
How They Got Here:BEATLES: def (16) Kings of Leon 9-0, (8) Wolffe tones 9-0
SUBLIME: def (5) Jimi Hendrix 5-4, (4) Johnny Cash 5-4
Box Score:
EC: Sublime is yet to win this category, which makes it even more impressive that they've advanced, as this is the most valuable one. And for the third straight time, they fail to win it. Does it mean good things ahead? ADV: BEATLES
PC: This is where the upstarts have made their noise, as I've mentioned the youthful, fun, illicit, illegal and bizarre memories set to their soundtrack. But that ends here. We're talking about the Beatles here. The one cool band my parents liked. The Babe Ruth of 101.1 CBS FM. Like most, I had a strong Beatles foundation to begin with, but going off to school, discovering each album on an individual basis, it was a whole new experience some 25, 30 years after their release. You can't just write off something like that. ADV: BEATLES
DA: This is officially in the books. Now it's just a matter of seeing if the Liverpudlians can match Dylan's 27-0 categorical start. Of the 16 teams to advance to the regional semi-finals, Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ranks 6th among all albums. 40 oz to Freedom, though I love it so, comes in 16th. ADV: BEATLES
DS: "Hey Jude" you're number 11. If you're "Waiting for My Ruca", you'll find her at thirteen. ADV: BEATLES
HI: Like comparing Thomas Jefferson and George W. Bush. Yeah, they were both Presidents and all, but...ADV: BEATLES
The fairytale is over, it's down to the big boys now. And John, George, Paul and Ringo carry their undefeated streak into the Elite 8.
FINAL SCORE: BEATLES 9 - SUBLIME 0
(2) Led Zeppelin v (3) Pearl Jam
How They Got Here:
ZEPPELIN: Def (15) Raconteurs 9-0, (10) Willie Nelson 9-0
PEARL JAM: Def (14) Radiohead 9-0, (6) Rolling Stones 8-1
Box Score:
EC: What a battle of heavyweights we have going on right now. With the release of Backspacer, Pearl Jam has expanded their resume into some rarefied air. 9 albums. 18 years. Many classics among them. Most impressive, in my opinion, is that they're best 5 consist of their first 3 and last 2. Could it be that I was into other things in the middle? Maybe. Zeppelin likewise has 9 major releases to their name. And maybe it's because of the aforementioned middle-gap with Pearl Jam, but I have to declare this one to be property of Led Zeppelin. ADV: LZ
DA: On that chart I just mentioned, Zeppelin's Houses of the Holy comes in at a very respectable #9. That's eight spots behind Ten. You can do the math on that one. ADV: PJ
DS: I felt there was no choice but to name "Stairway" the defining Zeppelin songs. Some artists, I can make the choice. Sometimes, the choice makes itself despite what I may think. Bob Dylan's "Like a Rolling Stone" may be his most popular tune, but it's not the song that the masses define him by. The only other comp I can come with here is the relationship between Lynrd Skynrd and "Free Bird". I may prefer "Going to California" or "The Immigrant Song" personally, but "Stairway" it is, and that's ranked #10. Regardless of which song I went with though, it wasn't touching the fabled sheets of empty canvas. ADV: PJ
HI: Hitting the homestretch at a 3-3 tie, could one expect any less? I struggled with this one and here's why: I grew up with the notion that Led Zeppelin was already classic rock. By the time I was buying music on my own, they were done making it, about 18 years after their debut. However, now we're 18 years into Pearl Jam's popular existence. Is it not time that they enter the same pantheon? I think it is. But some states of mind are impossible to exit. I still view the two in completely different ways. Maybe I'm holding on to the idea of youth, but I have to call this one for Zep. ADV: LZ
PC: My favorite category. And I've probably made it clear already. I'll explain more in the Elite Eight how strong the bond is as they go head-to-head with the Undefeated Beatles - a connection match up that I have no idea how it may shake out. But Pearl Jam's going to be a tough beat in this category. For all comers. ADV: PJ
FINAL SCORE: PEARL JAM 5 - LED ZEPPELIN 4
REMAINING SCHEDULE
Charlottesville Sweet 16
(1) Dave Matthews Band v (5) Billy Joel
(2) The Doors v (3) Pink Floyd
San Francisco Sweet 16
(1) Grateful Dead v (4) Bob Marley
(2) Bruce Springsteen v (3) Simon & Garfunkel
The Village Regional Final
(1) Bob Dylan v (2) Guns N Roses
Liverpool Regional Final
(1) Beatles v (3) Pearl Jam.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
World Cup 2010: The (Un-PC) Rooting Scale
The more I read, the more it seems that it's highly unlikely the Yanks are going to take South Africa by storm and emerge victorious. Call it American Hubris, this idea that we the people are entitled to the Cup, when the reality is, all we've won since Japan surrendered was the Miracle on Ice in 1980 and the Coolest Invention Ever with the iPod. So in the event that The Star Spangled Banner isn't played at the conclusion of the World Cup Final (Do they do that? Or is it Olympics only), I've concocted a list of all 32 teams ranked in the order in which I'd like to see them win. It's not quite sensitive to all cultures and history, but whatever, we're grown men here, right? Feel free to adopt this as your own guide to who to cheer on and who to dismiss...
(and yes, almost all cultural references and statistics are courtesy of wikipedia)
1. The United States. Yeah, a rather obvious one but I gotta admit, it would make a great story and we could use one right now.
2. Mexico. Solely because it would drive the Teabaggers and the entire state of Arizona absolutely crazy. Also, rich people would have to watch their own kids and water their own lawns for a week. I'd like to see that.
3. The Netherlands. They settled New York. But more importantly: The Netherlands is one of the most secular countries in Western Europe, with only 39% being religiously affiliated (31% for those aged under 35), and fewer than 20% visiting church regularly. I want to go to there. And the cool thing is, they're intolerant of all religions. Not like the phony left in America that only wants to take on the Christian Establishment.
4. South Africa. I think it's fantastic that the event takes place on the continent of Africa. So might as well root root root for the home team. Not that me rooting for Bafana Bafana makes up for the extension of Apartheid at the hands of Ronald Reagan, but it's an olive branch. Also, I look forward to Invictus II: We Got Game.
5. Ivory Coast. They fly the Irish Flag.
6. North Korea. Too bad Iran didn't qualify because an Iran vs. North Korea final would be just enough to have the House Minority leader in the US draft a constitutional amendment banning soccer in the US. But I'll settle for a NK win and the inevitable batshit crazy reaction of Kim Shady.
7. Australia. Do if for Claire! And the rest of Oceanic 815.
8. Nigeria. Imperialized by the British. Go Africa.
9. Cameroon. Imperialized by the French, treated better than the Nigerians were. Go Africa.
10. Denmark. I love Scandinavia. Without them, there's no Minnesota. And Minnesotans are the closest thing we have to Canadians.
11. Chile. Comparatively speaking, there's no drama in Chile. Things have been relatively quiet since the Pinochet era. I applaud them for that.
12. Slovenia. Talk about a well-played hand. They saw Hurricane Milošević coming a mile away and they got the F outta Dodge. That's all I know about that.
13. Ghana. White Guilt strikes again. The last time I have to type "Go Africa" on this list.
14. New Zealand. While I didn't much care for the Lord of the Rings I don't hold it against New Zealanders.
15. Greece. No truth to the rumor that the official logo on their uniforms will be a canary in a coal mine.
16. Uruguay. A very left leaning country without the stigma or lunacy of a Hugo Chavez. I can get with that.
17. South Korea. Learning to Fly.
18. Slovakia. Totally got the short end of the stick on the dismantling of Czechoslovakia. At least in terms of perception.
19. Algeria. The pros: Booted the French. The cons: Extremely religious country. Still technically Africa though. Well, more than technically.
20. Honduras. Ever notice that Americans refer to all Central Americans as "Guatemalans"? Here's proof that there's other nations in Central America.
21. Spain. Never forget the Spanish Inquisition. Side note: a relative told me that she caught a segment on that crazy Catholic channel, EWTN, where the flying nun was pretty much denying the Inquisition took place. Right. And the fact that the Pope covered up a child sex ring is just some New York Times conspiracy. Still, I love me some Spanish food.
22. Paraguay. So they don't have the Inquisition. They still have a wacky religious right controlling their congress.
23. Portugal. They make good rolls, I'll give them that. Other than that, they don't share enough of the blame for their imperialism, even if they were basically relegated to the scraps of England, France and Spain.
24. Argentina. Just think of all those former officers of the Third Reich celebrating Argentina's World Cup Wins in 1978 and 1986. I'm sure there's not as many now, but still. There might be some. Also, I'm not as familiar with Juan Peron and his wife as I should be, but I hold that against them. If for nothing else than that deplorable Madonna movie.
25. Switzerland. Two historical facts that are really false: George Bush won the 2000 Election, and Switzerland is Neutral. Yes, they shot down a couple of Luftwaffe planes that invaded their airspace. While they were underwriting and financing the Nazis. Furthermore, "Privacy of Swiss Banking Laws" is just a fancy way of saying "A legal way for the ruling classes to bend you over". Yay on Cheese, Nay on neutrality.
26. Italy. Alright, technically Vatican City is it's own entity. And technically not all Jersey Shore douchebags are of Italian descent. But rooting against Italy gives me a chance to root against two large segments of the population that cause me massive heartburn.
27. Serbia. Two words: Slobodan Milošević
28: Japan. Three Words: Bataan Death March. Even after "The Pacific", Japan fails to take it's fair share of blame for WWII and acknowledgement of it's atrocities.
29. Germany. Then again...
30. Brazil. I've got nothing against Brazil. Other than the fact that they've won 2 of the 4 World Cups I've watched, and were in 3 of the finals. I guess this is why people hate the Yankees.
31. England. Oh, where to begin? We can start with the fabrication that is The Royal Family, and the useless infatuation that useless people have with it. I can play the "I'm Irish Card". I can play the "I'm American Card". I can play the "The only thing more pathetic than your leader being George Bush is your leader being George Bush's lapdog Card". I can play the "Simon Cowell Card". But I won't. I'll kindly say "Thank you for the Beatles" and move on.
32. France. F*ck you Thierry Henry and F*ck your uncalled handball you f*cking thief.
(and yes, almost all cultural references and statistics are courtesy of wikipedia)
1. The United States. Yeah, a rather obvious one but I gotta admit, it would make a great story and we could use one right now.
2. Mexico. Solely because it would drive the Teabaggers and the entire state of Arizona absolutely crazy. Also, rich people would have to watch their own kids and water their own lawns for a week. I'd like to see that.
3. The Netherlands. They settled New York. But more importantly: The Netherlands is one of the most secular countries in Western Europe, with only 39% being religiously affiliated (31% for those aged under 35), and fewer than 20% visiting church regularly. I want to go to there. And the cool thing is, they're intolerant of all religions. Not like the phony left in America that only wants to take on the Christian Establishment.
4. South Africa. I think it's fantastic that the event takes place on the continent of Africa. So might as well root root root for the home team. Not that me rooting for Bafana Bafana makes up for the extension of Apartheid at the hands of Ronald Reagan, but it's an olive branch. Also, I look forward to Invictus II: We Got Game.
5. Ivory Coast. They fly the Irish Flag.
6. North Korea. Too bad Iran didn't qualify because an Iran vs. North Korea final would be just enough to have the House Minority leader in the US draft a constitutional amendment banning soccer in the US. But I'll settle for a NK win and the inevitable batshit crazy reaction of Kim Shady.
7. Australia. Do if for Claire! And the rest of Oceanic 815.
8. Nigeria. Imperialized by the British. Go Africa.
9. Cameroon. Imperialized by the French, treated better than the Nigerians were. Go Africa.
10. Denmark. I love Scandinavia. Without them, there's no Minnesota. And Minnesotans are the closest thing we have to Canadians.
11. Chile. Comparatively speaking, there's no drama in Chile. Things have been relatively quiet since the Pinochet era. I applaud them for that.
12. Slovenia. Talk about a well-played hand. They saw Hurricane Milošević coming a mile away and they got the F outta Dodge. That's all I know about that.
13. Ghana. White Guilt strikes again. The last time I have to type "Go Africa" on this list.
14. New Zealand. While I didn't much care for the Lord of the Rings I don't hold it against New Zealanders.
15. Greece. No truth to the rumor that the official logo on their uniforms will be a canary in a coal mine.
16. Uruguay. A very left leaning country without the stigma or lunacy of a Hugo Chavez. I can get with that.
17. South Korea. Learning to Fly.
18. Slovakia. Totally got the short end of the stick on the dismantling of Czechoslovakia. At least in terms of perception.
19. Algeria. The pros: Booted the French. The cons: Extremely religious country. Still technically Africa though. Well, more than technically.
20. Honduras. Ever notice that Americans refer to all Central Americans as "Guatemalans"? Here's proof that there's other nations in Central America.
21. Spain. Never forget the Spanish Inquisition. Side note: a relative told me that she caught a segment on that crazy Catholic channel, EWTN, where the flying nun was pretty much denying the Inquisition took place. Right. And the fact that the Pope covered up a child sex ring is just some New York Times conspiracy. Still, I love me some Spanish food.
22. Paraguay. So they don't have the Inquisition. They still have a wacky religious right controlling their congress.
23. Portugal. They make good rolls, I'll give them that. Other than that, they don't share enough of the blame for their imperialism, even if they were basically relegated to the scraps of England, France and Spain.
24. Argentina. Just think of all those former officers of the Third Reich celebrating Argentina's World Cup Wins in 1978 and 1986. I'm sure there's not as many now, but still. There might be some. Also, I'm not as familiar with Juan Peron and his wife as I should be, but I hold that against them. If for nothing else than that deplorable Madonna movie.
25. Switzerland. Two historical facts that are really false: George Bush won the 2000 Election, and Switzerland is Neutral. Yes, they shot down a couple of Luftwaffe planes that invaded their airspace. While they were underwriting and financing the Nazis. Furthermore, "Privacy of Swiss Banking Laws" is just a fancy way of saying "A legal way for the ruling classes to bend you over". Yay on Cheese, Nay on neutrality.
26. Italy. Alright, technically Vatican City is it's own entity. And technically not all Jersey Shore douchebags are of Italian descent. But rooting against Italy gives me a chance to root against two large segments of the population that cause me massive heartburn.
27. Serbia. Two words: Slobodan Milošević
28: Japan. Three Words: Bataan Death March. Even after "The Pacific", Japan fails to take it's fair share of blame for WWII and acknowledgement of it's atrocities.
29. Germany. Then again...
30. Brazil. I've got nothing against Brazil. Other than the fact that they've won 2 of the 4 World Cups I've watched, and were in 3 of the finals. I guess this is why people hate the Yankees.
31. England. Oh, where to begin? We can start with the fabrication that is The Royal Family, and the useless infatuation that useless people have with it. I can play the "I'm Irish Card". I can play the "I'm American Card". I can play the "The only thing more pathetic than your leader being George Bush is your leader being George Bush's lapdog Card". I can play the "Simon Cowell Card". But I won't. I'll kindly say "Thank you for the Beatles" and move on.
32. France. F*ck you Thierry Henry and F*ck your uncalled handball you f*cking thief.
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