Five For Friday 2/5/10

Take it all with a grain of salt, because I obviously don't know anything about music considering Taylor Swift apparently cut the greatest album in the history of ears, and here I am thinking she's a poor man's Debbie Gibson.

FIVE COVERS THAT ARE BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL:

5. Boys of Summer, The Ataris (original artist: Don Henley). Loses some points for replacing “Dead-Head” with “Black Flag”.

4. Superstar, Sonic Youth (The Carpenters). Face it: There ain’t anything cool about the Carpenters, save for some outdated jokes about eating disorders. Sonic Youth erases the stigma of listening to the Carpenters. Victory.

3. The Star Spangled Banner, Jimi Hendrix (Everyone under the sun). Nothing’s more American than the national anthem and Hendrix was a unique American genius. Perfect match. Performed at Woodstock in front of many people who would eventually refuse to fight for LBJ. American heroes. (I’m a bi-partisan asshole. Stupid presidents and stupid wars are stupid regardless of party). Oh, and for what it’s worth, I’m in that .00003% of people who prefer Dylan’s “Watchtower” to Jimi’s. So no, I’m not missing the obvious here.

2. Scarlet Begonias, Sublime (Grateful Dead). A great GD song. A legendary Sublime tune. Added a verse about selling drugs. Awesome.

1.Hurt, Johnny Cash (Nine Inch Nails). Award for strangest cover also. A legend prepares to die. I eat that shit up.





FOUR COVERS CONSIDERED MUSICAL TREASON:
4. Can’t Help Falling in Love, UB40 (Elvis Presley). Had to flip a coin between this abomination and the audio diarrhea that was their cover of Neil Diamond’s “Red, Red Wine”. Heads it it.


3. No Woman, No Cry (The Fugees). Terrible. Insulting. Disgraceful.


2. American Pie, Madonna (Don McLean). Would it be too easy to refer to her recording of this iconic hit as “The Day The Music Died?”


1. Sweet Child O’Mine, Sheryl Crow (Guns N Roses). Having Sheryl Crow sing this GNR classic is basically the equivalent of having Bill Cosby draw over the Mona Lisa on Picture Pages.


THREE ALBUMS TO GET YOU THROUGH ST. PATRICK’S DAY SEASON:


3. This Light, Emish. Orange County, New York can produce more than motorcycles and oranges as Emish attests. And This Light has the requisite “Fields of Athenry” to make your Paddy’s season a success.

2. Drunken Lullabies, Flogging Molly. Buy it. You’ll thank me.


1. 25th Anniversary, The Wolfe Tones. Don’t know why I said three when this is really all you need. There’s some classics missing from the collection (Most notably “Streets of New York” and “Some Say the Divil is Dead”) but tis a great album to blast loud enough so the British can hear you.


TWO POPULAR CDS FROM THE 1990s I ENJOY MORE NOW THAN I DID THEN:


2. Californication, Red Hot Chili Peppers. Must not have been in the right headspace at the time, I thought this album was junk. Alas, like my original opinion on the necessity of an iPod (and John Edwards’ character), I was dead wrong.

1.Vitalogy, Pearl Jam. Thought this disc was a major downer upon it’s 1994 release. In all fairness, expectations were through the roof after Ten and Vs. Looking back, it features one of the band’s 5 best songs ("Corduroy") and 2 others I’d put in the top 15 in "Better Man" and "Nothingman". Wish I could say this was the only thing I was wrong about at 17, but I’m sure there’s some documentation out there linking my beliefs at the time to those of Pat Buchanan.


ONE RECENTLY DOWNLOADED (BAD) SONG FOR NOSTALGIC PURPOSES
1. Knockin’ Boots, Candyman. Good lord I forgot how bad (yet extremely enjoyable) this song was. Cheesy Bubble-gum rock gets plenty of play but where’s the love for rap’s equivalent? Would a rap single today even use the word “breasts” – or would it simply be “tits” with a half-assed bleep out on the radio?

I enjoy the degeneration of our societal standards as much as the next guy and look forward to a day with no FCC and no Faux-Outrage over Super Bowl Boobs and the like, but that doesn’t mean I can’t respect a song about sloppy post-show sex that does it’s damndest to keep it PG. If you’re between the ages of 27 and 35, I highly recommend you spend the 99 cents and enjoy. Or, you know, illegally download it but the Recording Industry of America asks that we don’t do that, and they’ve always had our best interests in mind, right?