Timberland List Thursday: 1/13/10

 

 In an attempt to tone down the rhetoric I'm officially changing the definition of the Timerland List to "people deserving of a swift kick to the SHINS with Timerland boots". There, I've done my part. To a degree. I'll do more of my part shortly when I formally List some, but not all, of the people who disgraced themselves in Tuscon this week.

Honestly, I could go on and on about the terrorist attack - and I have to a degree - but the President's uplifting address last night provided, in my opinion, a perfect launching point to move on, to pledge to never forget the lives lost, to keep the wounded in our thoughts and (if it's your thing) prayers, and to honor the heroes of the tragedy, of which there are many. And since it's Thursday, I can't think of a better return to Normalcy than the Timberland List. Those new to the List can check last week's entry to see exactly what it entails.

#10. NBC Entertainment. More specifically, whoever decided that the Thursday Night sitcoms didn't need to return last Thursday or this Thursday. It's bad enough you postponed Parks and Recreation till midseason so you can shove your insensitive and poorly timed Outsourced down our throats, but now you're 2 weeks behind the rest of the network January reboots? How much longer must I wait for Ron Bleeping Swanson?!?!?!?!?!?

#9. Pandora. Bob Dylan. Led Zepplin. Woodie Guthrie. Green Day. Guns N' Roses. The Beatles. The Grateful Dead. Springsteen. Simon & Garfunkel. Hendrix. This is a sampling of the artists which I have either "Liked" or "Requested" over the last year on Pandora. So why, might I ask, do you keep spamming me with commercials every 5 songs alerting me to a special pre-sale for the New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys at Madison Square Garden? You have a better chance of selling me smallpox.

#8. The New Orleans Saints. I don't bet on that many football games. I'll throw a small amount of money in the account every September and play around, nothing crazy, rarely make it to Columbus Day. This year was ok, found a couple bucks sitting in the account at the end of the year, and figured hey, might as well double it before withdrawing on the Defending Super Bowl Champs against The Worst Team To Ever Make The Playoffs. Nope. Any Given Sunday, Ed can get screwed. Silver lining though is this awesome re-cut of Marshawn Lynch's run.

#7. Oil Investors. I despise Energy trading. I'm in no way, shape or form even remotely qualified to offer even the slightest of investment advice, but Christ, the whole notion of betting on people needing vital resources and driving up those prices just seems like something so evil and inhumane that it would give Dick Cheney a chubby. I should not be paying $3.09 per gallon in January. 

#6. Antonio Cromartie. Dipshit New York Jets corner back revs up the nonsensical rhetoric calling Tom Brady an asshole. Great. More useless chatter. Forget about the fact that I tend to agree with him for a second, what I can not fathom for the life of me is why the entire Jets franchise, from their footsniffin' coach to their class-lackin' fans need to raise the bar to the point where anything short of a Super Bowl championship is considered an abysmal failure? I've never seen a team that's won so little talk so much. And they're going to look like even bigger dipshits Sunday when the Pats wipe their behinds with them. Also, bonus T-List points for forcing me to root for the Patriots.

#5. The Jersey Shore. It's baaaaaaack. So your facebook feed will now be littered with updates about grenades and laundry. Maybe I'm missing something, because I know way too many smart people who eat this shit up like a $4.99 Prime Rib Buffet, but if I wanted to spend 30 minutes with some Class A Douchebags, I'd just go out in public more often.  

#4. LeBron James. No backstory needed on what became of the Cleveland Cavaliers once The King vacated his thrown to go play Robin. LeBron left his hometown team, the fans that made him the most beloved athlete in a generation and they were naturally pissed (and a pitiful excuse for a pro basketball team). He takes out a full page add in Akron thanking them for their support throughout the first 7 years of his career, but what does he tweet when the Lakers practically double up the Cavs the other night? 

@KingJames Crazy. Karma is a b****.. Gets you every time. Its not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!  

You stay Classy LeBron!!!!!! He just doesn't get it. Maybe it's time for another useless elaborate Nike commercial. Loser.

#3. Speaker John Boehner. Now we get a bit serious. The new Speaker of the House was invited to the memorial service in Tucson, Arizona last night. The President of the United States offered him a seat on Air Force One with other national and Arizonan Dignataries. But no, the 3rd Person in line for the Presidency declined so he could stay back and host a RNC Fundraiser. You could almost pinch your nose and deal with it if you're the Minority Leader. Or the Majority Leader. But Speaker of the House is supposed to transcend all of this. An absolute utter disgrace that made his opening, emotional statement to the House earlier that morning seem as phony as his tan.

#2. Sarah Palin. There's really nothing more to say about her that I, or countless others, haven't said already. But if you really want to juxtapose Obama's America against Palin's America, yesterday was all you needed to see. I'm sick of talking about this asshole, so I'm going to let Politico's Jonathan Martin sum it up: 

At sunrise in the east on Wednesday, Sarah Palin demonstrated that she has little interest—or capacity—in moving beyond her brand of grievance-based politics. And at sundown in the west, Barack Obama reminded even his critics of his ability to rally disparate Americans around a message of reconciliation.

#1. Jared Lee Loughner. Make no mistake, Loughner is the real culprit in this unspeakable tragedy. We can - and we should - debate our gun laws, our tone, our own basic human civility as a result of this terrorist attack. But we must never lose light of the fact that this deranged psychopath fired thirty shots that murdered Christina Taylor Green,  The Honorable John Roll, Gabe Zimmerman, Dorwin Stoddard, Dorothy Murray, and Phyllis Scheck, and left 11 others injured. This monster's name must live in infamy with the names of the most heinous of terrorists that have spilled blood in this country, including Osama bin Laden, Eric Rudolph and Timothy McVeigh. Regardless of the rhetoric or gun laws, nobody but Loughner is responsible for pulling that trigger.  

Attacking the Belly of the Beast?

Late last night (though most people would call 8:30 early) my phone vibrated and I got an emailed response to yesterday's posting "Not the Time For Kumbaya" (you can read it at the bottom). 

Not only am I more than gracious for the time the responder, Rich Cutrona, took to read the post, and the well thought out, articulate point of view he chose to take, I'm equally grateful for the light-bulb that he seemed to turn on in my head, and hopefully yours. Rich concludes with the following: 

However, because we live in America, I still have the ability to make a choice. I choose to fight with and for those who would fight for me. I choose ethics, social justice, and environmental responsibility. I will do everything within my power to aid in the creation of a left of center, progressive political party free from the shackles of corporate plutocracy. I will choose and vote Green. Never again will I sit back and be complicit in the lethal status quo…………………………. never again.

I'm not going to rehash the eternal battle that takes place between my heart (Green) and my head (Democrat). I registered as a Democrat on November 4, 2004 - the day after George W Bush beat John Kerry - who basically wrote the antithesis of another Democratic Massachusetts Senator and Presidential Candidate and called it "Profiles in Cowardice". My line of thinking was if I'm going to vote for this party, I'm going to have a say in this party. 

I'd be extremely generous if I were to say the results were mixed at best.

Moving away from that debate though, what Rich said struck a nerve. Sure, most of us on the political left would love a thoughtful, respectful, intelligent, diverse and socially conscious answer to the Tea Party: a united national network and a platform to air our grievances as one voice. Many of us thought we had that in 2008 but those we empowered squandered their political capitol faster than a gutter drunk at a blackjack table.

Too fast too soon? Maybe. A true Green Grassroots effort has always seemed like it's been percolating near the surface of the political establishment but utterly incapable of breaking through into the mainstream. I'm starting to think that the ultimate failures are a result of misplaced ambition. Simply put: We're a bunch of Junior Varsity Quarterbacks attempting to make the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Be it Ned Lamont defeating - then losing to - Joe Lieberman in Connecticut, or the near upset of Blanche Lincoln in a useless attempt to retain the Arkansas Senate seat in a toxic environment (or even Ralph Nader's eternal quest for 3% of the presidential vote), we're bypassing the foundation: The House of Representatives.

Using the Tea Party as a top-of-the-head example: they carried the GOPricks to an overwhelming House Majority, yet in turn, thanks to batshit crazy lunatics like Christine O'Donnell and Sharon Angle, cost the Republicans what should have been a Senate Majority. (To say nothing of the scorn and unreliability they now face with Lisa Murkowski in Alaska).

I don't have the numbers in front of me, but a substantial number of Senators got their start in the House of Representatives. By design, a House seat is extremely easier to pick off from an incumbent than a Senate seat. The past few electoral cycles alone have seen double digit swings in seats for both parties. It's much more volatile.

Furthermore - and this is where Rich's words truly resonated - where better to launch the offensive than in conservative districts of blue states? I'll point directly to my home district: New Jersey's 5th. Represented by the uber right wing warrior Scott Garrett, who never misses the opportunity to provide verbal and financial fellatio to the banks, gun nuts, pro-lifers and the rest of the Republican establishment.  

Granted, the NJ-5 is tailor made for Republican control. The extreme wealth of Upper Bergen County meets the Hunters Guild and Bitter White Man brigade of Sussex County and throw in all of the Rapture-anticipating Warren County and it's pretty safe to say Barry Goldwater's urn could take this Seat with 60% of the vote. 

Except it can't. In his first four elections, Garrett teetered between 55% - 59% of the vote. Impressive indeed. He hit 65% of the vote in this past election, the overwhelming Republican wave. But look a little deeper. In midterm years, he recorded 118,881 (2002), 112,11242 (2006), and 119,478 this year, 2010. All while running against completely unqualified, rather conservative and absolutely unfunded Democratic competition. I voted against Garrett in the three elections that I lived in the district and still had to look up the names of the people I voted for.

Yet this collection of misfits and losers managed to crack 40% in all but 2002. It's a seat that the GOP takes for granted and with good reason: the Democrats have completely abandoned it. Would this not be the place to start? Would a seemingly comfortable congressman like Garrett be much more inclined to be caught off guard than a Republican in a 50/50 district that forces both he or she and the Democratic candidate to run to the middle to the point of being indistinguishable?  

It's extremely Pollyanna to believe somebody like Bernie Sanders could win in NJ's 5th. Until you compare the demographics of Vermont to those of Northwest NJ. 

I do NOT believe that this is a question of "How?" 

It's a matter of "Who?"

Not the time for Kumbaya.

You knew it was going to come to this, didn't you? In the aftermath of the terrorist attack in Tucson that left six Americans dead and thirteen injured, the pleas are coming in by the boatload for everyone to "work together" and "respect our differences" and a whole grab bag full of platitudes that would make Rodney King blush.

What the mainstream media and a sizable majority of those who've chimed in on various social networks are yet to either realize (or lack the courage to admit) is that this is not like 9/11, or Hurricane Katrina, or the Haitian Earthquake or any other tragic event that required humanity to rise to the occasion. Not in the least.

We still don't know all of the details about what accused terrorist Jared Loughner had going in on his obviously twisted head. We're not privy to whatever sick inspirations took hold of him and forced him to act as he did. But what we do know is that Tea-Party inspired violence, both threatened and carried out, has been escalating sharply over the last two years, in the aftermath of the election of a black man with an Arabic name who has the audacity to prohibit Big Insurance from denying health-care coverage based on preexisting conditions.

If you want an actual, chronological rundown of the insanity, you can find two very comprehensive ones here and here. But if you've been paying even the slightest bit of attention for the last 20 months or so, you don't need a rundown in front of you to know exactly what I'm talking about. 

Is there any doubt in your mind that the Sarah Palins and Michelle Bachmans and Jim DeMints and Glen Becks of the world weren't pissing their pants in anxiety waiting for a connection between Loughner and a formal Tea Party organization? Be honest - what was your first reaction when you heard the news? I know mine. I texted my family "Tea Party shot a Congresswoman (D-WA)". And you know what? I ain't going to apologize for making such a claim. Even if Rush Limbaugh didn't specifically pull the trigger. 

Loughner may not have been a died-in-the wool Tea Party activist (after all, he was at one point intelligent enough to be admitted to community college, and he's too young for adult diapers) but make no mistake - it was the Tea Party's demonizing of the institution of Congress that made Gabrielle Giffords a viable target for his rage.

This is why these phony calls for "tolerance" and "working together" are an insult to everybody who never advocated bringing a loaded weapon to events where the President of the United States was speaking. If I steal my neighbor's car and he calls the police on me, should my defense be "Well I guess we need to learn how to be better neighbors?" 

Make no mistake about it: The vitriol from the Left for George W Bush was just as bad as the Right's for Barack Obama. I actually saw a bumper sticker on some yokel's pickup that made me laugh not that long ago: "I'll Treat Your President with the Same Respect You Treated Mine". That's fair. I'm not going to stoop to the level of the Iraqi babykilling yellow ribbon crowd and throw a faux "Love it or Leave It!" in their faces. I don't expect everyone in America to share my beliefs and I would never deny somebody their birthright to be pissed off at the state of the world.

But can you point me in the direction of those Republican Congressional Headquarters that were vandalized during the Iraq debate? 

Can you let me hear the voicemails that called Colin Powell a "filthy N-Word" when he committed the second major war crime in his life? 

Do you have footage of any liberals acting like Ritalin-deprived bipolar kindergartners throwing hissy fits at Tom DeLay's town hall meetings? 

The sentiments may be the same but the threat level is greatly different. I'm surprised it took this long for the violence to escalate to this point. Anybody who begs and pleads for more tolerance in our political discourse is not doing anybody any favors. Say what you want about Obama and the Democrats - they're soft, spineless, timid - I've said it all - you can't call them dangerous, threatening or violent. 

Violence and Hatred is not a bipartisan problem and should not be treated as such until liberals start opening fire on the Tea Party. Now is not the time for bipartisan come-together-lovie-dovie bullshit. It's time for the conservatives to start acting like mature, civilized, decent human beings.

Jon Kyl shoots the Messenger

Two blowhard conservatives from the great state of Arizona are crying about Pima County Sheriff Clarence Dupnik's candid, and let's face it: accurate description of the tone and pulse of the Tea Party.

We've been down this road before, going all the way back to the infancy of the Obama Administration when Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage had the audacity to suggest they were being picked on by the Department of Homeland Security when they issued a warning about escalating recruitment among radical right wing terrorist organizations.

For a group of people who love to preach about personal responsibility and accountability, they sure do get their panties in a bunch the minute you call them out on the carpet. You don't need a PhD in Psychology to realize that the right wing groups have been pushing the envelope with insinuating that violence just might be the answer. This isn't even about guns. I've never been one to get involved in the gun control debate, I believe criminals will have them whether they're legal or not. 

This is about veiled references to the violent overthrow of the government and a phony attempt to lay claim to the heritage of the American Revolution. As if the founding fathers were a bunch of abortion clinic bombers. This happens every time a Democrat is in office. Timmy McVeigh, anyone? 

America's Terrorists

These are the words of a close, brilliant and articulate friend of mine. I'm still unable to process this terrorist attack without stooping to the level of the Tea Party terrorists responsible for this attack on our freedom and our way of life. Great thanks to Pork Chop for this...

The shooting spree in Arizona has really fucked with my head today.  I keep thinking to myself, is this the United States of America? A (D) congresswoman can't hold a town hall meeting on a street corner without fearing for her life and the lives of others who choose to participate in our democracy? Notice I specify (D) because this sort of violence never, ever comes from the left which truly needs to be addressed if we're going to have an honest discussion about the growth of terrorism on our own land.  Apparently this incident did not completely spring out of nowhere, Giffords office was one of the many that were vandalized after healthcare reform passed and Sarah Palin, queen of the rifle-toting douchebags targeted  Giffords for defeat in November by putting the Congresswoman in a rifle crosshairs graphic on her SarahPAC website. Palin expressed her condolences for the congresswoman and her family today, she can shove that insincere bullshit straight up her ass as far as I'm concerned.

The judge who was killed ruled to hear a civil case brought by illegal immigrants against an Arizona rancher, soon after a conservative radio talk show host said and I quote,"We should kill him. He should be dead."

The next time someone shows up at a political rally with a sidearm or some asshole pundit decides it's a good idea to incite violence against elected officials we might want to take it a bit more seriously. I also urge people to really think hard about the people/parties they support, particularly on the right, because too many of them sound like the very terrorists they rail against day after day.
I still can't believe this shit actually happened.

I've Seen This Movie Before

Politico does a fantastic job this morning pointing out that President Obama's hiring of Bill Daley as his new, permanent, Chief of Staff is the last straw for the Left. I couldn't agree more. In November 2008, we thought we were getting a once in a lifetime, transformational Presidency. A 21st Century FDR if you will. But after 2 years and an electoral thumping, it's pretty clear that we're getting Bill Clinton 2.0. 

Politically speaking, the move makes sense. Try as we might to overstate our influence and importance, liberal ideology has been browbeaten by the Redneckification of America for the last 30 years. You can go back to Nixon's Southern Strategy. You can point to Ronald Reagan's brilliant demonizing of the word "Liberal" that worked so well that liberals had to start calling themselves Progressives. Forget about the fact that liberals ended slavery, extended the right to vote to women and guaranteed civil rights. To Joe The Plumber, the "L" word is more evil than the "N" word. Probably because Joe has no problem using the "N" Word. But that's another story. Not that I'd ever confuse him with Comrade Lenin, but it helps Obama shed the fabricated image that he's a Socialist Dictator.

Furthermore, while Obama lacks the Clintonian charm, he's vastly more liked personally. Clinton had a knack for empathy and an uncanny ability to piss on your face and tell you it's raining and all, but more than 50% of the electorate really couldn't stand the man. On both sides of the political spectrum. Obama's personal likeability numbers have steadily been higher than his job approval numbers, which would lead one to believe that the people, for the most part, want to get behind him. Sure, there's the wacko slice of the populace that hates him for his pigmentation and his crazy radical Socialist Muslim Terrorist platform, but you just got to tune those assholes out. Put it like this: They all showed up to vote against him in 2008 and Barack was the recipient of the biggest landslide victory in a generation. Those birthers, racists and evangelicals don't have nearly enough sway in a Presidential year as they do in a mid-term one. 

Now, I hold firm to my belief that if he actually pushed forward and fought for a truly liberal agenda: REAL Healthcare Reform, Immediate withdrawal from Bush's two wars, visible and viable Green Collar job programs (an environmental WPA of sorts), a return to Nixon era tax rates on the affluent and so on, that he'd be not only a popular president, but a legendary one. It's abundantly clear that's not happening. Not with Speaker Boner in charge now and a flacid, spineless, barely recognizable majority in the Senate. He had his chance. He punted. 

Politico points out that the left would routinely blame Rahm Emanuel for the centrist, moderate agenda at 1600 Pennsylvania. I for one would continue to point the finger at Harry Reid. It's time that we all come to grips with the fact that it's the Commander In Chief calling the shots.

I don't want to act as if the man's did nothing. He's done plenty and has brought legitimate, viable reform to both Main Street and Wall Street. Cash for Clunkers might be the most brilliant post-New Deal government program ever, when you consider how it (a) helped save the auto industry, (b) made cars more affordable during the Great Recession and (c) got hundreds of thousands of inefficient vehicles off the road. But what the White House doesn't get sometimes is that we've waited a very, very long time to have control. Why on earth should we play ball with the chickenhawks, corporatists, and other useless assholes who ran the country into the ground? 

The Daley hiring will help Obama's re-election efforts, I have no doubts about that. Much like bringing in David Gergen aided Clinton's. I think that 2012 is going to imitate 1996 in a few ways. For starters, the Republicans are going to nominate a pitiful and undesirable candidate. I can say that with certainty because I've seen their prospective nominees and I have an IQ above 55. Secondly, he will, by hook or by crook, have a series of moderate/compromised/bipartisan "victories" to counterbalance any insane notion that the man who's done more for Wall Street than anyone is somehow a "liberal". Finally, as painfully slow as it's been, there's plenty of reason to believe that the recovery will be real and obvious. Just like Bill Clinton, Obama will be cast as the "Comeback Kid". 

Just like Bill Clinton, those of us who proudly call ourselves Liberals will be left to wonder what might have been.

Timberland List Thursday: 1/6/10

Back in the fall of 1996 - my sophomore year in college - I had some anger issues. Actually, they never went away. How I've dealt with them over the years has changed from time to time: Ignore them, take them out on religious people, drink them away and occasionally (but quite rarely) attack them in a constructive nature. Back in the glory days of Pine Hall, in my true to form passive-aggressive nature, I developed what I called "The Timberland List": A weekly rundown of the 10 or so people, places or things that were driving me nuts. The main concept was that an appearance on this list entitled you to one swift kick to the head with my Timberland Boots.

Normally the honorees were affiliated with the school. The Director of Residence Life. Frat Boys. The creepy guy with the Perm in charge of planning the meals at the cafeteria. And usually Oprah Winfrey made her way on there.

After one or two Lists, the trend caught on. My friends would submit their own lists, and we'd calculate the Official Timberland List the same way the Associated Press would calculate college basketball rankings: A first place vote was 10 points, a 10th place vote was 1. Since we shared the same interests (cheap beer, a hatred of the Chicago Bulls and Dallas Cowboys, disdain for Collegiate Greeks buying their friends), the Official List usually worked out quite well. The biggest insult within our circle those days was being "Listed". To this day, when someone causes any of us grief, it's not uncommon to hear them referred to as Being Listed.  

Having lay dormant in an official capacity for so long, i think it's time to finally resurrect The Timberland List. Allow me to "kick" it off...

#10. Congresswoman Michelle Bachman. Batshit Crazy lunatic is mulling a run for President in 2012. I actually think it's a good thing. What this field is missing is a bible thumping, gun loving middle aged woman with no concept of reality or 21st Century America. Oh Wait. Nevermind.

#9.  Brett Favre. I used to love the guy. He was a thrill to watch, and an even bigger thrill to listen to John Madden's unyielding love and devotion to the man. Maybe it's because he missed Madden, but his act over the last three seasons was among the most irritating experiences a sports fan, even the most casual of ones, has had to endure. It made me yearn for the days of congressional steroid investigations, canceled NHL seasons and even OJ. The bipolar retirements. The sexting. The penis. Too much Brett. Don't go away mad. Just go away.

#8. Dick Clark. By comparison, Brett would have to un-retire every year until 2055 to match this guy. Give up the ghost Dick. Do you know what kind of a buzzkill it is to be hanging out with 20 of your closest friends and relatives, about 15 beers deep, all happy and jolly,  and then all of a sudden The Ghost of New Years Past makes his annual awkward appearance on a 54 inch HD LCD television? This is how we're supposed to start our new year?

#7. Congressman Steve King. The Iowa Republican just introduced a bill intended to strip Americans of their most fundamental right: CITIZENSHIP.The 14th Amendment states "All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside". You don't need to be a legal scholar to interpret that. These friggin people run on "restoring the constitution" yet have an open disdain for every word in the document outside of the 2nd Amendment.

#6. Tim Tebow. I don't like this preachy guy one bit. And his new biggest fan is John Elway. Never really cared for him either. 

#5. Oprah Winfrey. The Babe Ruth of the Timberland list just launched her own television network. Great! As if being told by the television that you're a crappy husband for one hour a day wasn't enough, you can multiply that by 24. 

#4. Pennsylvania State Police. Recently it was brought to my attention that they wrote about 750 citations for verbal obscenities during traffic stops in 2010. So much for Freedom of Speech. It's bad enough that you pull someone over for going 70 in a 65, write them up to the tune of $300 or so, plus a likely spike in insurance premiums, but when they say "Shit" you tack on another hundred dollars? If you don't mind me saying so, that's completely fucking bullshit.

#3. Our Lady of Lourdes Church. There's many different theories about Jesus Christ out there. Some believe he was married. Some think he fathered children. I've even heard allegations that he was gay. But according to  the Massapequa, New York church, the Body of Christ is infected with Hepatitis. I can honestly say I've never heard that one before.

#2. Captain Owen Honors. Hear about this guy? Making provocative, homophobic closed-circuit videos to show aboard the USS Enterprise? Freedom of Speech and Expression is fine. Everybody's got the right to be a racist/homophobic asshole if they wish. But not in the official capacity of a representative of the United States Government or Armed Forces. Borderline Treason if you ask me.

#1. Speaker of the House John Boehner. You cry a lot and you're orange. Welcome to the Top Spot.