Surprisingly, the second round has a lot less drama than the first in this region. Born Again Bob wrote "Slow Train Coming" but there's nothing slow about Dylan's plowing through the field so far. He's looking like the undisputed favorite to reach the final four. The question is, will he shut-out all comers?
As usual, all Rules and Criteria can be found here
SHUTOUTS
(1) Bob Dylan v (9) Jack Johnson. Not a single category where the Hawaiian was anything close to competitive.
FINAL SCORE: Bob Dylan 9 - Jack Johnson 0
BLOWOUTS
(4) White Stripes v (5) Red Hot Chili Peppers. Wow, I did not see this one coming. I assumed this had the makings of a 5-4/6-3 win and would have put the Stripes as a slight favorite. But lining it all up, all they took down was "song" with "Ball and Biscuit" narrowly beating out "Under the Bridge" (which I already regret deeming their best). I had already determined that Stadium Arcadium had beaten out Elephant in the album category, and the rest pretty much fell into place for RHCP. A tough, tough loss for the Stripes. The Peppers now have the unenviable task of taking on the Dylan Machine.
FINAL SCORE: RHCP 8 - WHITE STRIPES 1
(3) Bon Jovi v (11) Metallica. It was a coin-toss of sorts for the historical impact between the two, and it came up in favor of Metallica. Both have the longevity. Bon Jovi's more popular but that's not the point. Both are still alive and kicking while their contemporaries are collecting residuals from VH1's reality television department. Metallica also wins the "song" competition, thanks to The Greatest Closer in baseball history. But everything else goes Jersey.
FINAL SCORE: BON JOVI 7 - METALLICA 2
NAIL BITERS
(2) Guns N Roses v (7) Stevie Wonder. All categories but one were blowouts. And it was the one that was the deciding factor, despite the seed disparity. Stevie Wonder takes Historic Impact and Entire Collection with relative ease. The Guns lock down "Song" with "Estranged" and personal connection with little trouble. So it all falls on the Defining Album. Songs in the Key of Life against Appetite For Destruction. Two legendary albums you'll find on just about any "All Time" countdown. But when I really think about the choice, I Think About You, Sweet Child O' Mine. And the answer? It's So Easy. And all of a sudden, a viable threat to Bob Dylan emerges.
FINAL SCORE: GUNS N ROSES 5 - STEVIE WONDER 4.
The Sweet Sixteen in this region:
(1) Bob Dylan v (5) Red Hot Chili Peppers
(2) Guns N Roses v (3) Bon Jovi
Showing posts with label The White Stripes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The White Stripes. Show all posts
Monday, May 17, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Music Madness 2010: The Village 1st Round
It's the first full day of action live from the deep recesses of my brain. The Village Regional First Round Action is ready to commence. The overwhelming favorite in the region is the legendary Bob Dylan, who likely will beat any and all comers in the "Entire Collection" category, which in turn would give him a three point advantage off the bat.
This is a region of heavy hitters. Bon Jovi. Guns N Roses. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. All possess the ability to make it out of other regions. But slaying Bob the Giant is no ordinary task. Speaking of which, a bunch of burnouts from Jersey have the unenviable task of being the first to make such an attempt...
A reminder, all Rules & Criteria can be found here
VILLAGE REGION: FIRST ROUND ACTION
(1) Bob Dylan vs. (16) Skid Row. The Skids eeked out a play-in match against the Barenaked Ladies. There's something they can hang their hat on. This one's a clean 9-0 sweep.
FINAL SCORE: BOB DYLAN 9 ~ SKID ROW 0
(8) Beastie Boys vs. (9) Jack Johnson. This one goes down to the wire. The Beasties take the prize for Defining Album with License to Ill. Can't deny how good it remains to this day. Even the politically incorrect "Girls". They take the Defining Song points as well, as "Fight For Your Right" beats any single Johnson tune. And seeing that they're going strong in their 3rd decade and are widely considered pioneers, they get the Impact point. Johnson fights back strong with Personal Connection however, despite having a 20 year disadvantage. For the last 5 years, Jack's been the go-to-guy for a mellow Sunday morning cup of coffee, a breezy Saturday afternoon on my deck, or a hungover car ride home from a hotel.
The big prize is still out there: 3 Points for "Entire Collection". As great as the Beasties are, as great as they've been, the Hawaiian takes this down. His entire catalogue - even if it's only a fraction of the Beastie Boys' - is nearly blemish-free. For the past decade he's churned out nothing but solid, borderline great music. And he pulls off the upset.
FINAL SCORE: JACK JOHNSON 5 ~ BEASTIE BOYS 4
(4) White Stripes vs. (13) Notorious B.I.G. This is a weird matchup, isn't it? The clearest advantage is Biggy's "Historical Impact". It's kind of an unfair advantage when you're shot to death. Ask Bobby Kennedy, whom you'd think was one of the best presidents ever, aside from the fact that he wasn't even nominated to run for president, let alone elected as such. I'm also giving the Notorious one the Song category, as Big Poppa squeaks past Ball and Biscuit. In short though, the Stripes are sweeping the rest behind the strength of their collection as a whole, "Elephant" as album, and the fact that they were an integral part of the soundtrack of my late 20s and early 30s.
FINAL SCORE: WHITE STRIPES 7 ~ NOTORIOUS B.I.G. 2
(5) Red Hot Chili Peppers vs. (12) Aerosmith. Aerosmith jumps out to a lead by winning the Song, as "Dream On" defeats "Under the Bridge" (I had a bitch of a time here, with "Scar Tissue", "Snow", "Apache Rose Peacock" and others in the running), but the Peppers run the table and turn this into a blowout by way of Album (Stadium Arcadium), Collection, Connection, and Impact, which I debated, but stand by.
FINAL SCORE: RHCP 8 ~ AEROSMITH 1
(3) Bon Jovi vs. (14) Counting Crows. Pump your fists New Jersey, you got yourself a clean sweep.
FINAL SCORE: BON JOVI 9 ~ COUNTING CROWS 0
(6) Black Crowes vs. (11) Metallica. From the top, Metallica takes the prize for Collection. Barely, but they do. Crowes claim Album, as Amorica narrowly defeats Metallica (Black Album) - which I never thought was as good as Justice...For All till I really considered it. Personal connection goes to the Crowes, namely for "Wiser Time" and all it's meant to me. With an assist from Mariano Rivera, "Enter Sandman" is declared the head to head song victor. We're at an even 4-4 score going into Historical Impact, and I think it's safe to say, we have our first somewhat big upset.
FINAL SCORE: METALLICA 5 ~ BLACK CROWES 4
(7) Stevie Wonder vs. (10) The Who. Fans of the British Conference are furious at The Who's seeding here. But they should be glad that they weren't set up for the upset. Damaged by a piss poor performance at the Super Bowl - the absurdity of singing "My Generation" when you can collect social security checks, and the tie-in to the CSI Franchise, they haven't done themselves many favors of late. Still, an intriguing matchup as they're able to claim personal connection despite all that (credit my own British Invasion of 1996-1999, who cares if it was 30 years too late), and the Song by way of "Baba O'Reilly". But on the strength of his own historical impact, the landmark album Songs in the Key of Life, and a better overall collection even if there's a little too much fluff, Stevie Wonder clinches this one.
FINAL SCORE: STEVIE WONDER 6 ~ THE WHO 3
(2) Guns N Roses vs. (15) Weezer. Initially I gave Weezer the credit for Entire Catalogue, reason being they're still making albums, while GNR mailed it in after Use Your Illusions II - and Illusions I wasn't that special anyway. Then I thought about it, I listened to some select tracks all over again, and realized Weezer's entire collection doesn't even match up to the B-Side of GNR Lies - to say nothing of Illusions II and Appettite For Destruction. Given all that, it's no surprise that this is a shutout.
FINAL SCORE: GUNS N ROSES 9 ~ WEEZER 0
-----------------------
When Round Two of the Region begins sometime next week, the matchups will be:
(1) Bob Dylan v (9) Jack Johnson
(4) White Stripes v (5) Red Hot Chili Peppers
(3) Bon Jovi v (11) Metallica
(2) Guns N Roses v (7) Stevie Wonder
At first glance it looks very favorable for the big seeds and that 4/5 matchup is tasty, going to have to send Gus Johnson to call that one. Can Metallica ride "Enter Sandman" to pull off the upset? Will Jack Johnson avoid a shutout? Does the winner of the Stripes/Peppers game have the ability to make a run at the prohibitive favorite? Who wins out between the blind versus the bat-shit crazy?
Next up is the Liverpool Region, here's the updated bracket
This is a region of heavy hitters. Bon Jovi. Guns N Roses. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. All possess the ability to make it out of other regions. But slaying Bob the Giant is no ordinary task. Speaking of which, a bunch of burnouts from Jersey have the unenviable task of being the first to make such an attempt...
A reminder, all Rules & Criteria can be found here
VILLAGE REGION: FIRST ROUND ACTION
(1) Bob Dylan vs. (16) Skid Row. The Skids eeked out a play-in match against the Barenaked Ladies. There's something they can hang their hat on. This one's a clean 9-0 sweep.
FINAL SCORE: BOB DYLAN 9 ~ SKID ROW 0
(8) Beastie Boys vs. (9) Jack Johnson. This one goes down to the wire. The Beasties take the prize for Defining Album with License to Ill. Can't deny how good it remains to this day. Even the politically incorrect "Girls". They take the Defining Song points as well, as "Fight For Your Right" beats any single Johnson tune. And seeing that they're going strong in their 3rd decade and are widely considered pioneers, they get the Impact point. Johnson fights back strong with Personal Connection however, despite having a 20 year disadvantage. For the last 5 years, Jack's been the go-to-guy for a mellow Sunday morning cup of coffee, a breezy Saturday afternoon on my deck, or a hungover car ride home from a hotel.
The big prize is still out there: 3 Points for "Entire Collection". As great as the Beasties are, as great as they've been, the Hawaiian takes this down. His entire catalogue - even if it's only a fraction of the Beastie Boys' - is nearly blemish-free. For the past decade he's churned out nothing but solid, borderline great music. And he pulls off the upset.
FINAL SCORE: JACK JOHNSON 5 ~ BEASTIE BOYS 4
(4) White Stripes vs. (13) Notorious B.I.G. This is a weird matchup, isn't it? The clearest advantage is Biggy's "Historical Impact". It's kind of an unfair advantage when you're shot to death. Ask Bobby Kennedy, whom you'd think was one of the best presidents ever, aside from the fact that he wasn't even nominated to run for president, let alone elected as such. I'm also giving the Notorious one the Song category, as Big Poppa squeaks past Ball and Biscuit. In short though, the Stripes are sweeping the rest behind the strength of their collection as a whole, "Elephant" as album, and the fact that they were an integral part of the soundtrack of my late 20s and early 30s.
FINAL SCORE: WHITE STRIPES 7 ~ NOTORIOUS B.I.G. 2
(5) Red Hot Chili Peppers vs. (12) Aerosmith. Aerosmith jumps out to a lead by winning the Song, as "Dream On" defeats "Under the Bridge" (I had a bitch of a time here, with "Scar Tissue", "Snow", "Apache Rose Peacock" and others in the running), but the Peppers run the table and turn this into a blowout by way of Album (Stadium Arcadium), Collection, Connection, and Impact, which I debated, but stand by.
FINAL SCORE: RHCP 8 ~ AEROSMITH 1
(3) Bon Jovi vs. (14) Counting Crows. Pump your fists New Jersey, you got yourself a clean sweep.
FINAL SCORE: BON JOVI 9 ~ COUNTING CROWS 0
(6) Black Crowes vs. (11) Metallica. From the top, Metallica takes the prize for Collection. Barely, but they do. Crowes claim Album, as Amorica narrowly defeats Metallica (Black Album) - which I never thought was as good as Justice...For All till I really considered it. Personal connection goes to the Crowes, namely for "Wiser Time" and all it's meant to me. With an assist from Mariano Rivera, "Enter Sandman" is declared the head to head song victor. We're at an even 4-4 score going into Historical Impact, and I think it's safe to say, we have our first somewhat big upset.
FINAL SCORE: METALLICA 5 ~ BLACK CROWES 4
(7) Stevie Wonder vs. (10) The Who. Fans of the British Conference are furious at The Who's seeding here. But they should be glad that they weren't set up for the upset. Damaged by a piss poor performance at the Super Bowl - the absurdity of singing "My Generation" when you can collect social security checks, and the tie-in to the CSI Franchise, they haven't done themselves many favors of late. Still, an intriguing matchup as they're able to claim personal connection despite all that (credit my own British Invasion of 1996-1999, who cares if it was 30 years too late), and the Song by way of "Baba O'Reilly". But on the strength of his own historical impact, the landmark album Songs in the Key of Life, and a better overall collection even if there's a little too much fluff, Stevie Wonder clinches this one.
FINAL SCORE: STEVIE WONDER 6 ~ THE WHO 3
(2) Guns N Roses vs. (15) Weezer. Initially I gave Weezer the credit for Entire Catalogue, reason being they're still making albums, while GNR mailed it in after Use Your Illusions II - and Illusions I wasn't that special anyway. Then I thought about it, I listened to some select tracks all over again, and realized Weezer's entire collection doesn't even match up to the B-Side of GNR Lies - to say nothing of Illusions II and Appettite For Destruction. Given all that, it's no surprise that this is a shutout.
FINAL SCORE: GUNS N ROSES 9 ~ WEEZER 0
-----------------------
When Round Two of the Region begins sometime next week, the matchups will be:
(1) Bob Dylan v (9) Jack Johnson
(4) White Stripes v (5) Red Hot Chili Peppers
(3) Bon Jovi v (11) Metallica
(2) Guns N Roses v (7) Stevie Wonder
At first glance it looks very favorable for the big seeds and that 4/5 matchup is tasty, going to have to send Gus Johnson to call that one. Can Metallica ride "Enter Sandman" to pull off the upset? Will Jack Johnson avoid a shutout? Does the winner of the Stripes/Peppers game have the ability to make a run at the prohibitive favorite? Who wins out between the blind versus the bat-shit crazy?
Next up is the Liverpool Region, here's the updated bracket
Friday, November 13, 2009
My 30 Best Albums of the Decade: #6
Officially at the point where everything's a judgement call. At one point or another, I strongly considered all six of these remaining CDs to be my personal favorite of the decade. 'Twas that close.
#6. Elephant - The White Stripes
You just gotta love an album that continually kicks your ass and has you begging for more. In terms of sheer, raw, balls-out-unfiltered-kick-you-in-the-nuts from start to finish albums, I think there were only two in my life: Appetite for Destruction was one. Elephant is the other. Yeah, there’s been other albums that meet some of the criteria, but if you want to go start to finish with each track being un-skippable? This is it.
For too long, producers were getting too cute and creative, making the album about them and not the artist. Sometimes, like in the case of everything Rick Rubin seems to do, it works. Other times (cough: Glen Ballard) it comes across as disingenuous. But not with Elephant.
While “Seven Nation Army” is the most widely known track from the album – and arguably the best song of the decade, quarter century or any other marker of time you wish to choose, in my opinion the crowning achievement of the CD is “Ball and Biscuit” – a classic scotch-on-the-rocks-8-ball-corner-pocket roadhouse blues jam.
The catchy and quick “Air Near My Fingers” is one of those few songs that can get stuck in your head for days and have you not complaining about it. “There’s No Home For You Here” is just a savage asskicker.
It’s hard ranking this sixth, though I feel the same way about the pending numbers 5, 4, 3 and 2. I guess this decade’s going to be remembered for a lot of things: eight years of incompetence, The Jon and Kate saga, the Greatest Upset in Super Bowl History, the birth of Sonic in Northern New Jersey, among many others. But I’m starting to get the feeling that I’ll be looking back one day thinking how it was a renaissance of sorts of music, because despite my inherent desire to say everything new sucks, it’s simply not the case in this regard.
Friday, September 18, 2009
My 30 Best Albums of the Decade: 15 - 11
Because my mind wanders to wanderous places, after declaring that Bob Dylan would have the #1 album of the 60s and 70s, I had to confirm. And my instincts served me well. Here's what I came up with for best album of the previous 3:
1960s: Freewheeling Bob Dylan (narrowly over Highway 61 Revisited and The White Album)
1970s: Blood on the Tracks (over American Beauty, Dark Side of the Moon and Houses of the Holy)
1980s: Appetitie For Destruction (over everything. Graceland, The Wall, Slippery When Wet and The River would probably be 2, 3, 4 and 5 and they're light years behind)
1990s: Ten (over Before These Crowded Streets)
Back to the lecture at hand. Creeping up on the Top 10....
#15: Some Devil - Dave Matthews. It took me much longer to get into this than it should have. Partially because I'm still scarred by the hiatus that Jon Bon Jovi took to record Blaze of Glory at the same time that Richie Sambora took off to record Stranger in this Town. It's never a good sign when band members work on "other projects". Still, I was required by the dogma of dmbism to purchase this album and give it a fair shot. I was so-so on it, I thought at first it seemed a little too forced, Matthews was was trying too hard to make the lyrics fit within the tempo of the song - something he does with the band as well, though they're talented and diverse enough to comply and make it sound seemless. That reminds me, has there ever been a more clever name for a band than The Band? Can't tell you how many times I've been asked something along the lines of "Is this Jerry Garcia?" to which I'd respond "No, The Band", and then the follow-up would be "Oh, the Grateful Dead?" Seriously, clever shit.
Back to Some Devil - I had my "Come To Dave" moment sitting on the dock with some family at my wife's grandmother's lake house a few summers ago. Relaxed summer atmosphere, just after sundown, having a few cold beverages and just enjoying life. While listening to "So Damn Lucky" it all clicked and the album's been a staple ever since. The Lake is funny like that. Certain albums just become "Lake Albums", and it helps you ignore the fact that Cat Stevens is an evil-doer that wants to blow up your children and hates you for your freedom.
#14. O Brother, Where Art Thou - Soundtrack, Various. There is almost no explanation for why I loved this soundtrack so. It's not exactly something you throw on while entertaining, it's not good drinking music, not great driving music, and while it can be relaxing - it's not exactly the perfect fireside CD. But I've always loved me some good old folk music, Allison Kraus probably has the greatest voice of any female singer since Joan Baez, and it conjures up images of a time in American History where all some people really had was song, so it does strike a chord in that respect. And really, if you were to rank the greatest American songs ever, wouldn't "You Are My Sunshine" have to be up there?
#13. Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam. I'm not the most organized person in the world, but there are some things I get OCD over. One of them is what candles are lit in what room of my house. Another is how I firmly believe that only a debut album should be self-titled. It wasn't cool when Metallica did it, it aint cool that Pearl Jam did it. You can't wait 15 years to release a self-titled album. But overlooking that transgression - Jesus, this album was classic Pearl Jam from start to finish. A "Ten" sound with the social consciousness similiar to "Vs" but magnified.
More importantly, it transformed Pearl Jam - in my eyes - from being just a band who made awesome music while I was in High School into an All-Time Classic act. I never fully got into the stuff post-Vitalogy and pre-Self Titled. Sure, a few good tracks appeared now and then, bought an album or two, but it wasn't the same as the early releases. They were probably the most defining band of my high school years, and boy was it great to see them back.
#12. White Blood Cells - The White Stripes. What's there really to say about an album that pretty much offers up everything? From the ingenious lyrics in "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground" to the exceptional composition in Hotel Yorba - which seems to borrow from every era of Rock History and then some, to the changing tempos within "The Union is Forever" to the slightly threatening nature of "I Think I Smell a Rat" and everything in between. When you analyize the album as a whole, you can't help but be amazed. But again, sounding too much like a critic there, and critics, shampoo, scrotum, etc.
White Blood Cells is just a fucking awesome album, enough said.
#11. Brushfire Fairytales - Jack Johnson. What a huge decade for Hawaii, huh? Shane Victorino ignites the Phillies to a World Championship, Barack Obama becomes freakin President, and Jack Johnson unleashes a slew of great CDs. Though, before making such a declaration, I think we need to see Victorino's and Johnson's birth certificates just to confirm that they're native born Hawaiians and not secret Muslim Terrorists hellbent on destroying Major League Baseball and the Recoriding Industry from within.
Ignoring the borderline repulsive imagery of scarred and mauled bubbly feet make Johnson inexplicably randy, "Bubble Toes" might be the most fun song of the decade. I mean, how can you not get in a good mood when it comes on? And "Mudfootball?" Come on, who didn't live through that? Reminds me of my innocent, pre-substance-loving life. And maybe that's what slightly bothers me about Jack Johnson. Dude's a little too content. Maybe I'm jealous, cause I don't think I could ever be that content. You could give me 10 million bucks and put Sean Hannity in a gulag and I don't know I'd be that content. But maybe it's as simple as he's found the answer: "Slow down everyone, you're moving to fast."
1960s: Freewheeling Bob Dylan (narrowly over Highway 61 Revisited and The White Album)
1970s: Blood on the Tracks (over American Beauty, Dark Side of the Moon and Houses of the Holy)
1980s: Appetitie For Destruction (over everything. Graceland, The Wall, Slippery When Wet and The River would probably be 2, 3, 4 and 5 and they're light years behind)
1990s: Ten (over Before These Crowded Streets)
Back to the lecture at hand. Creeping up on the Top 10....
#15: Some Devil - Dave Matthews. It took me much longer to get into this than it should have. Partially because I'm still scarred by the hiatus that Jon Bon Jovi took to record Blaze of Glory at the same time that Richie Sambora took off to record Stranger in this Town. It's never a good sign when band members work on "other projects". Still, I was required by the dogma of dmbism to purchase this album and give it a fair shot. I was so-so on it, I thought at first it seemed a little too forced, Matthews was was trying too hard to make the lyrics fit within the tempo of the song - something he does with the band as well, though they're talented and diverse enough to comply and make it sound seemless. That reminds me, has there ever been a more clever name for a band than The Band? Can't tell you how many times I've been asked something along the lines of "Is this Jerry Garcia?" to which I'd respond "No, The Band", and then the follow-up would be "Oh, the Grateful Dead?" Seriously, clever shit.
Back to Some Devil - I had my "Come To Dave" moment sitting on the dock with some family at my wife's grandmother's lake house a few summers ago. Relaxed summer atmosphere, just after sundown, having a few cold beverages and just enjoying life. While listening to "So Damn Lucky" it all clicked and the album's been a staple ever since. The Lake is funny like that. Certain albums just become "Lake Albums", and it helps you ignore the fact that Cat Stevens is an evil-doer that wants to blow up your children and hates you for your freedom.
#14. O Brother, Where Art Thou - Soundtrack, Various. There is almost no explanation for why I loved this soundtrack so. It's not exactly something you throw on while entertaining, it's not good drinking music, not great driving music, and while it can be relaxing - it's not exactly the perfect fireside CD. But I've always loved me some good old folk music, Allison Kraus probably has the greatest voice of any female singer since Joan Baez, and it conjures up images of a time in American History where all some people really had was song, so it does strike a chord in that respect. And really, if you were to rank the greatest American songs ever, wouldn't "You Are My Sunshine" have to be up there?
#13. Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam. I'm not the most organized person in the world, but there are some things I get OCD over. One of them is what candles are lit in what room of my house. Another is how I firmly believe that only a debut album should be self-titled. It wasn't cool when Metallica did it, it aint cool that Pearl Jam did it. You can't wait 15 years to release a self-titled album. But overlooking that transgression - Jesus, this album was classic Pearl Jam from start to finish. A "Ten" sound with the social consciousness similiar to "Vs" but magnified.
More importantly, it transformed Pearl Jam - in my eyes - from being just a band who made awesome music while I was in High School into an All-Time Classic act. I never fully got into the stuff post-Vitalogy and pre-Self Titled. Sure, a few good tracks appeared now and then, bought an album or two, but it wasn't the same as the early releases. They were probably the most defining band of my high school years, and boy was it great to see them back.
#12. White Blood Cells - The White Stripes. What's there really to say about an album that pretty much offers up everything? From the ingenious lyrics in "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground" to the exceptional composition in Hotel Yorba - which seems to borrow from every era of Rock History and then some, to the changing tempos within "The Union is Forever" to the slightly threatening nature of "I Think I Smell a Rat" and everything in between. When you analyize the album as a whole, you can't help but be amazed. But again, sounding too much like a critic there, and critics, shampoo, scrotum, etc.
White Blood Cells is just a fucking awesome album, enough said.
#11. Brushfire Fairytales - Jack Johnson. What a huge decade for Hawaii, huh? Shane Victorino ignites the Phillies to a World Championship, Barack Obama becomes freakin President, and Jack Johnson unleashes a slew of great CDs. Though, before making such a declaration, I think we need to see Victorino's and Johnson's birth certificates just to confirm that they're native born Hawaiians and not secret Muslim Terrorists hellbent on destroying Major League Baseball and the Recoriding Industry from within.
Ignoring the borderline repulsive imagery of scarred and mauled bubbly feet make Johnson inexplicably randy, "Bubble Toes" might be the most fun song of the decade. I mean, how can you not get in a good mood when it comes on? And "Mudfootball?" Come on, who didn't live through that? Reminds me of my innocent, pre-substance-loving life. And maybe that's what slightly bothers me about Jack Johnson. Dude's a little too content. Maybe I'm jealous, cause I don't think I could ever be that content. You could give me 10 million bucks and put Sean Hannity in a gulag and I don't know I'd be that content. But maybe it's as simple as he's found the answer: "Slow down everyone, you're moving to fast."
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