Ratings may not reflect it, but Thursday on NBC is quite possibly the greatest night for SitComs since, shit, I don't know when. I know the glory days of The Cosby Show, Friends, Frasier, Seinfeld, etc. were all solid nights, but one through four, I'm totally buying into Community, Parks & Rec, The Office, and 30 Rock.
Not only are they dynamite when it comes to foolish one liners and hysterical plots, but all four are intensely character driven. So while hopped up on some cold meds, unable to comfortably speak and finding myself having staring contests with a coffee cup, it seems like a perfect time to bang out an NCAA style power rankings of the Thursday night characters.
Rankings are based on each character's performance for the entire season.
25. Britta Perry (COM) More ups than downs this year.
24. Darryl Philbin (OFF) Thought his move upstairs would have provided more humor, it hasn't.
23. Stanley Hudson (OFF) Sentimental pick. We need more Stanley. Lots more.
22. Shirley Bennett (COM) Skyrocketed into Top 25 with major performance last night.
21. Erin Hannon (OFF) Rising Star on the flagship show. Her lunch with Michael might have been the season's highlight.
20. Oscar Martinez (OFF) Voice of reason getting more exposure this year. That's a good thing.
19. Creed Bratton (OFF) Could use a little more Creed, but he's best at the awkward one liner, and fits that role perfectly.
18. April Ludgate (P&R) Unlikely youngster becoming indispensible to the show.
17. Jim Halpert (OFF) Slow and steady decline from a one-time stud. Jim the father, Jim the husband, Jim the supervisor (however short lived) just don't compare to original Jim.
16. Troy Barnes (COM) Greatly outplaying expectations.
15. Kenneth Parcell (ROCK) Maybe it's just me, but aside from the one liner, The Page may have run his course. He still brings a lot to the table. He just may have peaked.
14. Jeff Winger (COM) The shtick is a little contrived at times but Community's point guard has shown he can hang with the big dogs.
13. Liz Lemon (ROCK) Season's been a little too Lemon-centric and her standing suffers for it.
12. Kevin Malone (OFF) After lurking in the shadows for a few seasons, Kevin's hitting the prime time. Pregnancy Lunches, Baby noises at Pam's breasts and most recently, the cookie monsters are just a few of the reason's he's knocking on the door of the Top Ten.
11. Leslie Knope (P&R) Every episode, it goes too far. Leslie has you in stitches by 8:35 and by 8:50 you're screaming "Enough"
10. Pierce Hawthorn (COM) Archie Bunker meets Homer Simpson. Nobodies loses in that equation.
9. Andy Dwyer (P&R) Another hidden gem in Parks has been vital to a most successful sophomore campaign.
8. Andy Bernard (OFF) I despised his character in the Stamford office and loathed the decision to bring him to Scranton. But it's been all uphill since he broke off the engagement with Angela. The Nard Dog is for real!
7. Tracy Jordan (ROCK) I suspect if I were doing Thursday Night Power Rankings all along, he'd be a former number one. Recently he's been creeping back into the discussion, I expect the trend to continue, he's got MVP potential.
6. Dwight Schrute (OFF) Many parallels to Jordan, along with the suspicion that a Schrute Rennaisance is coming. He hasn't been at his best this year, but he's regaining his old form.
5. Abed Nadir (COM). Community's gem. Every subplot he's involved him turns to gold. Every main plot is must-see-TV. I have a hunch it will eventually get old, but let's enjoy it while it's fresh.
4. Jack Donaghy (ROCK). Another contender for MVP, there's no such thing as too much Jack.
3. Tom Haverford (P&R). At first, you find him annoying. Then you get used to him. Then you never stop laughing.
2. Michael Scott (OFF). Never gets old, and he's rounding into tip top shape. You can feel a run coming on. "Date Mike". Lunch with Erin. His testicle-and-breast post it notes designating gender in an attempt to learn Spanish. And possibly the funniest moment of the year, when he informed his homosexual employee Oscar that he was scheduled to have a colonoscopy, and was there anything he could do to make the experience more pleasurable for the doctor. We may take him for granted at times but in the end, he nails it every time. That's what she said.
1. Ron Swanson (P&R) Put it bluntly: This has been the year of the Swanson. Highlights too numerous to recount. Turf and Turf. The Breakfast bar at the strip club. Bacon Trail Mix. "I need more Ron Swansons". "Boolay Boolay Boolay". And that moustache. He began the year as just another Thursday night character on a show that may, or may not make it. He finds himself in the homestretch as the MVP.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Music Madness 2010:Liverpool 1st Round
All Rules and Criteria can be found here
LIVERPOOL REGION: FIRST ROUND ACTION
(1) The Beatles vs. (16) Kings of Leon. Ringo beats them on his own. Next.
FINAL SCORE: BEATLES 9 ~ KINGS OF LEON 0
(8) Wolfe Tones vs. (9) Joan Baez. Who on the selection committee thought it would be funny to send the Rebellious Wolffe Tones to Liverpool? Tough matchup even if the score doesn't indicate it. Spent many a night falling asleep to Ms Baez back in the day and she may have the most beautiful voice on earth. I'm giving her "Song" for "Diamonds and Rust" and Historical Impact, but the Wolffe Tones are just that good that they sweep the rest.
FINAL SCORE: WOLFFE TONES 7 ~ JOAN BAEZ 2
(4) Johnny Cash vs. (13) Tom Petty. Strong case can be made that Petty deserved a better seed. And a better fate. Generously, I give Petty the Song with "American Girl" and I'll even stretch it and give him Personal Connection for playing half-time of The Greatest Super Bowl in History, but the rest isn't even a contest. The Man in Black moves on.
FINAL SCORE: JOHNNY CASH 6 ~ TOM PETTY 3
(5) Jimi Hendrix vs. (12) Sublime. Gus Johnson's calling this one and he's losing control. Is there an upset in the making? Two careers that were shorter than they should have been. Hendrix narrowly takes the "Entire Collection" category, the big kahuna of them all and the 3 points to go with it. But 40 oz to Freedom takes the Album by a nose over Are You Experienced? Two cover songs go head to head for the Song point, with Sublime's "Scarlet Begonias" (Grateful Dead) beating Jimi's "All Along the Watchtower" (Dylan). Hendrix wins the Historical Impact hands down, taking a 4-3 lead and setting up Personal Connection (2 pts) as the deciding factor. And Lo and Behold, thanks to the many, many memories from 1996 - 2005 that I can recall, Sublime pulls it off. The importance of having a scoring system is clear now, cause my gut woulda said Jimi hands down.
FINAL SCORE: SUBLIME 5 ~ HENDRIX 4
(3) Pearl Jam v. (14) Radiohead. Warning to the Beatles and Led Zepplin: Beware the Jam.
FINAL SCORE: PEARL JAM 9 ~ RADIOHEAD 0
(6) Rolling Stones v. (11) Neil Diamond. I wanted Jewish Elvis to advance, I really did. Always found the Stones to be a tad overrated. I give the Diamond my Personal Connection and Song for "Cracklin Rosie" but that's as far as it can go. I guess You Can't Always Get What You Want.
FINAL SCORE: ROLLING STONES 6 ~ NEIL DIAMOND 3.
(7) Elton John v (10) Willie Nelson. Another nail biter. On the surface you'd think that Elton takes the Entire Collection, but then you realized that early in the 1980s, he got sober and started writing lame ass Lite FM 106.7 crap. Willie's always been Willie. Elton does take the Album for Goodbye Yellow Brick Road and song, "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters". He also get's the Historical Impact. But the personal connection seals the minor upset for Willie Nelson. Every road trip I took from the age of 3 to 16, he was the soundtrack, and I've been trying to restart that tradition. Can't wait to take my kids on a 4 hour ride and torture them with "My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys"
FINAL SCORE: WILLIE NELSON 5 ~ ELTON JOHN 4
(2) Led Zepplin v (15) The Ranonteurs. A sweep. Good for Jack White though, he's got to get some rest so he can try and carry the White Stripes to the Final Four.
FINAL SCORE: LED ZEPPLIN 9 ~ RACONTEURS 0
So when Liverpool starts up again, we're looking at:
(1) The Beatles v (8) Wolffe Tones. This one's going to hurt me. A lot. So cruel.
(4) Johnny Cash v (12) Sublime. Can Cinderella knock off another icon?
(3) Pearl Jam v (6) Rolling Stones. Stones have impressive stats. Beware the entire collection.
(2) Led Zepplin v (10) Willie Nelson. Personal Connection could be a factor.
NEXT UP: CHARLOTTESVILLE REGION. A quick preview of our next bracket:
(1) Dave Matthews Band v (16) Queen. Historical Impact is a weakness for this 1 seed. Personal Connection isn't.
(8) Elvis Presley v. (9) The Band. Honestly have no idea how this plays out.
(4) U2 v (13) Poison. A very strong 13
(5) Billy Joel v (12) Rage Against the Machine. This gives me a chuckle
(3) Pink Floyd v (14) Arctic Monkeys. British Civil War
(6) Phish v (11) Public Enemy. Another unintentionally funny matchup
(7) Flogging Molly v (10) Jay Z. Ditto
(2) The Doors v (15) Dropkick Murphys. Jim and Co have a tough road.
LIVERPOOL REGION: FIRST ROUND ACTION
(1) The Beatles vs. (16) Kings of Leon. Ringo beats them on his own. Next.
FINAL SCORE: BEATLES 9 ~ KINGS OF LEON 0
(8) Wolfe Tones vs. (9) Joan Baez. Who on the selection committee thought it would be funny to send the Rebellious Wolffe Tones to Liverpool? Tough matchup even if the score doesn't indicate it. Spent many a night falling asleep to Ms Baez back in the day and she may have the most beautiful voice on earth. I'm giving her "Song" for "Diamonds and Rust" and Historical Impact, but the Wolffe Tones are just that good that they sweep the rest.
FINAL SCORE: WOLFFE TONES 7 ~ JOAN BAEZ 2
(4) Johnny Cash vs. (13) Tom Petty. Strong case can be made that Petty deserved a better seed. And a better fate. Generously, I give Petty the Song with "American Girl" and I'll even stretch it and give him Personal Connection for playing half-time of The Greatest Super Bowl in History, but the rest isn't even a contest. The Man in Black moves on.
FINAL SCORE: JOHNNY CASH 6 ~ TOM PETTY 3
(5) Jimi Hendrix vs. (12) Sublime. Gus Johnson's calling this one and he's losing control. Is there an upset in the making? Two careers that were shorter than they should have been. Hendrix narrowly takes the "Entire Collection" category, the big kahuna of them all and the 3 points to go with it. But 40 oz to Freedom takes the Album by a nose over Are You Experienced? Two cover songs go head to head for the Song point, with Sublime's "Scarlet Begonias" (Grateful Dead) beating Jimi's "All Along the Watchtower" (Dylan). Hendrix wins the Historical Impact hands down, taking a 4-3 lead and setting up Personal Connection (2 pts) as the deciding factor. And Lo and Behold, thanks to the many, many memories from 1996 - 2005 that I can recall, Sublime pulls it off. The importance of having a scoring system is clear now, cause my gut woulda said Jimi hands down.
FINAL SCORE: SUBLIME 5 ~ HENDRIX 4
(3) Pearl Jam v. (14) Radiohead. Warning to the Beatles and Led Zepplin: Beware the Jam.
FINAL SCORE: PEARL JAM 9 ~ RADIOHEAD 0
(6) Rolling Stones v. (11) Neil Diamond. I wanted Jewish Elvis to advance, I really did. Always found the Stones to be a tad overrated. I give the Diamond my Personal Connection and Song for "Cracklin Rosie" but that's as far as it can go. I guess You Can't Always Get What You Want.
FINAL SCORE: ROLLING STONES 6 ~ NEIL DIAMOND 3.
(7) Elton John v (10) Willie Nelson. Another nail biter. On the surface you'd think that Elton takes the Entire Collection, but then you realized that early in the 1980s, he got sober and started writing lame ass Lite FM 106.7 crap. Willie's always been Willie. Elton does take the Album for Goodbye Yellow Brick Road and song, "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters". He also get's the Historical Impact. But the personal connection seals the minor upset for Willie Nelson. Every road trip I took from the age of 3 to 16, he was the soundtrack, and I've been trying to restart that tradition. Can't wait to take my kids on a 4 hour ride and torture them with "My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys"
FINAL SCORE: WILLIE NELSON 5 ~ ELTON JOHN 4
(2) Led Zepplin v (15) The Ranonteurs. A sweep. Good for Jack White though, he's got to get some rest so he can try and carry the White Stripes to the Final Four.
FINAL SCORE: LED ZEPPLIN 9 ~ RACONTEURS 0
So when Liverpool starts up again, we're looking at:
(1) The Beatles v (8) Wolffe Tones. This one's going to hurt me. A lot. So cruel.
(4) Johnny Cash v (12) Sublime. Can Cinderella knock off another icon?
(3) Pearl Jam v (6) Rolling Stones. Stones have impressive stats. Beware the entire collection.
(2) Led Zepplin v (10) Willie Nelson. Personal Connection could be a factor.
NEXT UP: CHARLOTTESVILLE REGION. A quick preview of our next bracket:
(1) Dave Matthews Band v (16) Queen. Historical Impact is a weakness for this 1 seed. Personal Connection isn't.
(8) Elvis Presley v. (9) The Band. Honestly have no idea how this plays out.
(4) U2 v (13) Poison. A very strong 13
(5) Billy Joel v (12) Rage Against the Machine. This gives me a chuckle
(3) Pink Floyd v (14) Arctic Monkeys. British Civil War
(6) Phish v (11) Public Enemy. Another unintentionally funny matchup
(7) Flogging Molly v (10) Jay Z. Ditto
(2) The Doors v (15) Dropkick Murphys. Jim and Co have a tough road.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Music Madness 2010: The Village 1st Round
It's the first full day of action live from the deep recesses of my brain. The Village Regional First Round Action is ready to commence. The overwhelming favorite in the region is the legendary Bob Dylan, who likely will beat any and all comers in the "Entire Collection" category, which in turn would give him a three point advantage off the bat.
This is a region of heavy hitters. Bon Jovi. Guns N Roses. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. All possess the ability to make it out of other regions. But slaying Bob the Giant is no ordinary task. Speaking of which, a bunch of burnouts from Jersey have the unenviable task of being the first to make such an attempt...
A reminder, all Rules & Criteria can be found here
VILLAGE REGION: FIRST ROUND ACTION
(1) Bob Dylan vs. (16) Skid Row. The Skids eeked out a play-in match against the Barenaked Ladies. There's something they can hang their hat on. This one's a clean 9-0 sweep.
FINAL SCORE: BOB DYLAN 9 ~ SKID ROW 0
(8) Beastie Boys vs. (9) Jack Johnson. This one goes down to the wire. The Beasties take the prize for Defining Album with License to Ill. Can't deny how good it remains to this day. Even the politically incorrect "Girls". They take the Defining Song points as well, as "Fight For Your Right" beats any single Johnson tune. And seeing that they're going strong in their 3rd decade and are widely considered pioneers, they get the Impact point. Johnson fights back strong with Personal Connection however, despite having a 20 year disadvantage. For the last 5 years, Jack's been the go-to-guy for a mellow Sunday morning cup of coffee, a breezy Saturday afternoon on my deck, or a hungover car ride home from a hotel.
The big prize is still out there: 3 Points for "Entire Collection". As great as the Beasties are, as great as they've been, the Hawaiian takes this down. His entire catalogue - even if it's only a fraction of the Beastie Boys' - is nearly blemish-free. For the past decade he's churned out nothing but solid, borderline great music. And he pulls off the upset.
FINAL SCORE: JACK JOHNSON 5 ~ BEASTIE BOYS 4
(4) White Stripes vs. (13) Notorious B.I.G. This is a weird matchup, isn't it? The clearest advantage is Biggy's "Historical Impact". It's kind of an unfair advantage when you're shot to death. Ask Bobby Kennedy, whom you'd think was one of the best presidents ever, aside from the fact that he wasn't even nominated to run for president, let alone elected as such. I'm also giving the Notorious one the Song category, as Big Poppa squeaks past Ball and Biscuit. In short though, the Stripes are sweeping the rest behind the strength of their collection as a whole, "Elephant" as album, and the fact that they were an integral part of the soundtrack of my late 20s and early 30s.
FINAL SCORE: WHITE STRIPES 7 ~ NOTORIOUS B.I.G. 2
(5) Red Hot Chili Peppers vs. (12) Aerosmith. Aerosmith jumps out to a lead by winning the Song, as "Dream On" defeats "Under the Bridge" (I had a bitch of a time here, with "Scar Tissue", "Snow", "Apache Rose Peacock" and others in the running), but the Peppers run the table and turn this into a blowout by way of Album (Stadium Arcadium), Collection, Connection, and Impact, which I debated, but stand by.
FINAL SCORE: RHCP 8 ~ AEROSMITH 1
(3) Bon Jovi vs. (14) Counting Crows. Pump your fists New Jersey, you got yourself a clean sweep.
FINAL SCORE: BON JOVI 9 ~ COUNTING CROWS 0
(6) Black Crowes vs. (11) Metallica. From the top, Metallica takes the prize for Collection. Barely, but they do. Crowes claim Album, as Amorica narrowly defeats Metallica (Black Album) - which I never thought was as good as Justice...For All till I really considered it. Personal connection goes to the Crowes, namely for "Wiser Time" and all it's meant to me. With an assist from Mariano Rivera, "Enter Sandman" is declared the head to head song victor. We're at an even 4-4 score going into Historical Impact, and I think it's safe to say, we have our first somewhat big upset.
FINAL SCORE: METALLICA 5 ~ BLACK CROWES 4
(7) Stevie Wonder vs. (10) The Who. Fans of the British Conference are furious at The Who's seeding here. But they should be glad that they weren't set up for the upset. Damaged by a piss poor performance at the Super Bowl - the absurdity of singing "My Generation" when you can collect social security checks, and the tie-in to the CSI Franchise, they haven't done themselves many favors of late. Still, an intriguing matchup as they're able to claim personal connection despite all that (credit my own British Invasion of 1996-1999, who cares if it was 30 years too late), and the Song by way of "Baba O'Reilly". But on the strength of his own historical impact, the landmark album Songs in the Key of Life, and a better overall collection even if there's a little too much fluff, Stevie Wonder clinches this one.
FINAL SCORE: STEVIE WONDER 6 ~ THE WHO 3
(2) Guns N Roses vs. (15) Weezer. Initially I gave Weezer the credit for Entire Catalogue, reason being they're still making albums, while GNR mailed it in after Use Your Illusions II - and Illusions I wasn't that special anyway. Then I thought about it, I listened to some select tracks all over again, and realized Weezer's entire collection doesn't even match up to the B-Side of GNR Lies - to say nothing of Illusions II and Appettite For Destruction. Given all that, it's no surprise that this is a shutout.
FINAL SCORE: GUNS N ROSES 9 ~ WEEZER 0
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When Round Two of the Region begins sometime next week, the matchups will be:
(1) Bob Dylan v (9) Jack Johnson
(4) White Stripes v (5) Red Hot Chili Peppers
(3) Bon Jovi v (11) Metallica
(2) Guns N Roses v (7) Stevie Wonder
At first glance it looks very favorable for the big seeds and that 4/5 matchup is tasty, going to have to send Gus Johnson to call that one. Can Metallica ride "Enter Sandman" to pull off the upset? Will Jack Johnson avoid a shutout? Does the winner of the Stripes/Peppers game have the ability to make a run at the prohibitive favorite? Who wins out between the blind versus the bat-shit crazy?
Next up is the Liverpool Region, here's the updated bracket
This is a region of heavy hitters. Bon Jovi. Guns N Roses. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. All possess the ability to make it out of other regions. But slaying Bob the Giant is no ordinary task. Speaking of which, a bunch of burnouts from Jersey have the unenviable task of being the first to make such an attempt...
A reminder, all Rules & Criteria can be found here
VILLAGE REGION: FIRST ROUND ACTION
(1) Bob Dylan vs. (16) Skid Row. The Skids eeked out a play-in match against the Barenaked Ladies. There's something they can hang their hat on. This one's a clean 9-0 sweep.
FINAL SCORE: BOB DYLAN 9 ~ SKID ROW 0
(8) Beastie Boys vs. (9) Jack Johnson. This one goes down to the wire. The Beasties take the prize for Defining Album with License to Ill. Can't deny how good it remains to this day. Even the politically incorrect "Girls". They take the Defining Song points as well, as "Fight For Your Right" beats any single Johnson tune. And seeing that they're going strong in their 3rd decade and are widely considered pioneers, they get the Impact point. Johnson fights back strong with Personal Connection however, despite having a 20 year disadvantage. For the last 5 years, Jack's been the go-to-guy for a mellow Sunday morning cup of coffee, a breezy Saturday afternoon on my deck, or a hungover car ride home from a hotel.
The big prize is still out there: 3 Points for "Entire Collection". As great as the Beasties are, as great as they've been, the Hawaiian takes this down. His entire catalogue - even if it's only a fraction of the Beastie Boys' - is nearly blemish-free. For the past decade he's churned out nothing but solid, borderline great music. And he pulls off the upset.
FINAL SCORE: JACK JOHNSON 5 ~ BEASTIE BOYS 4
(4) White Stripes vs. (13) Notorious B.I.G. This is a weird matchup, isn't it? The clearest advantage is Biggy's "Historical Impact". It's kind of an unfair advantage when you're shot to death. Ask Bobby Kennedy, whom you'd think was one of the best presidents ever, aside from the fact that he wasn't even nominated to run for president, let alone elected as such. I'm also giving the Notorious one the Song category, as Big Poppa squeaks past Ball and Biscuit. In short though, the Stripes are sweeping the rest behind the strength of their collection as a whole, "Elephant" as album, and the fact that they were an integral part of the soundtrack of my late 20s and early 30s.
FINAL SCORE: WHITE STRIPES 7 ~ NOTORIOUS B.I.G. 2
(5) Red Hot Chili Peppers vs. (12) Aerosmith. Aerosmith jumps out to a lead by winning the Song, as "Dream On" defeats "Under the Bridge" (I had a bitch of a time here, with "Scar Tissue", "Snow", "Apache Rose Peacock" and others in the running), but the Peppers run the table and turn this into a blowout by way of Album (Stadium Arcadium), Collection, Connection, and Impact, which I debated, but stand by.
FINAL SCORE: RHCP 8 ~ AEROSMITH 1
(3) Bon Jovi vs. (14) Counting Crows. Pump your fists New Jersey, you got yourself a clean sweep.
FINAL SCORE: BON JOVI 9 ~ COUNTING CROWS 0
(6) Black Crowes vs. (11) Metallica. From the top, Metallica takes the prize for Collection. Barely, but they do. Crowes claim Album, as Amorica narrowly defeats Metallica (Black Album) - which I never thought was as good as Justice...For All till I really considered it. Personal connection goes to the Crowes, namely for "Wiser Time" and all it's meant to me. With an assist from Mariano Rivera, "Enter Sandman" is declared the head to head song victor. We're at an even 4-4 score going into Historical Impact, and I think it's safe to say, we have our first somewhat big upset.
FINAL SCORE: METALLICA 5 ~ BLACK CROWES 4
(7) Stevie Wonder vs. (10) The Who. Fans of the British Conference are furious at The Who's seeding here. But they should be glad that they weren't set up for the upset. Damaged by a piss poor performance at the Super Bowl - the absurdity of singing "My Generation" when you can collect social security checks, and the tie-in to the CSI Franchise, they haven't done themselves many favors of late. Still, an intriguing matchup as they're able to claim personal connection despite all that (credit my own British Invasion of 1996-1999, who cares if it was 30 years too late), and the Song by way of "Baba O'Reilly". But on the strength of his own historical impact, the landmark album Songs in the Key of Life, and a better overall collection even if there's a little too much fluff, Stevie Wonder clinches this one.
FINAL SCORE: STEVIE WONDER 6 ~ THE WHO 3
(2) Guns N Roses vs. (15) Weezer. Initially I gave Weezer the credit for Entire Catalogue, reason being they're still making albums, while GNR mailed it in after Use Your Illusions II - and Illusions I wasn't that special anyway. Then I thought about it, I listened to some select tracks all over again, and realized Weezer's entire collection doesn't even match up to the B-Side of GNR Lies - to say nothing of Illusions II and Appettite For Destruction. Given all that, it's no surprise that this is a shutout.
FINAL SCORE: GUNS N ROSES 9 ~ WEEZER 0
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When Round Two of the Region begins sometime next week, the matchups will be:
(1) Bob Dylan v (9) Jack Johnson
(4) White Stripes v (5) Red Hot Chili Peppers
(3) Bon Jovi v (11) Metallica
(2) Guns N Roses v (7) Stevie Wonder
At first glance it looks very favorable for the big seeds and that 4/5 matchup is tasty, going to have to send Gus Johnson to call that one. Can Metallica ride "Enter Sandman" to pull off the upset? Will Jack Johnson avoid a shutout? Does the winner of the Stripes/Peppers game have the ability to make a run at the prohibitive favorite? Who wins out between the blind versus the bat-shit crazy?
Next up is the Liverpool Region, here's the updated bracket
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Music Madness 2010: Intro,. Preview, and Play-Ins
Ignoring the fact that I'm too old to stay up till midnight on a work night, the NCAA Men's tournament that just concluded was by far the most invigorating and entertaining of my lifetime. Of all the years I've dove into March Madness, be it cutting high school, skipping college classes or taking sick days and vacations in my professional life, I've never seen anything like it. The right balance of underdogs and juggernauts. The buzzer-beaters and new heroes. The rise of Butler and the fall of Callipari. These last three weeks were a sports fan's prime rib buffet with all-you-can-drink Guinness. I don't want it to end.
So I'm going to stay in tournament mode.
On a recent commute, I started thinking about what would happen if I were to come up with 64 musicians and seeded them. How would it play out? What would be the criteria? Would it be a pointless waste of time to decide that Bob Dylan was my favorite artist of all time? Yeah, it might be. Then it dawned on me, hell, there's nothing I enjoy more than a good old fashioned waste of time, so who gives a Bush's ass? It was decided that yes indeed, it was time to study the iPod and form a one man selection committee and come up with what I would consider to be my 64 favorite acts of all time (though I limited it to post-WWII genres).
Actually it became 68. I figure the NCAA has a play-in game for the 16th seed, I'll have 4 of them for each sixteener. I seeded the teams - loosely to a degree - based off what I perceive to be my personal preferences, then randomly assigned them to a region. For good measure, the region was named after the 1 seed's actual or adoptive hometown.
The Number One Seeds:
Liverpool Region: The Beatles
The Village Region: Bob Dylan
Charlottesville Region: Dave Matthews Band
San Francisco Region: The Grateful Dead
The next step was to determine a list of criteria. I didn't want to go "Well, I like Public Enemy more than Smashing Pumpkins, so they move on". Afterall, if that was the case the whole thing would have been done the minute I finished seeding them all. I wanted something comprehensive and tangible to have an artist defeat an artist. I like tangible explanations, not a fan of "just because" as you probably know by now.
I came up with a scoreboard with 5 Criteria, worth a total of 9 points to ensure no ties:
Let the Games Begin:
The Village Regional Play In Game: Skid Row vs Barenaked Ladies.
A true nailbiter between two vastly different acts with very similar qualities. Both fit the popular mold of a late decade genre, BNL with 90s fluff-rock and Skid Row with 80s hair-metal. The Ladies won for their Entire Collection, primarily because after Skid Row's self-titled debut, their follow-up album, Slave to the Grind rivaled child abuse on the Despicable Chart. BNL also captured Defining Song with "One Week" over "Youth Gone Wild". Yes, I'm ashamed to admit that. However that was all the Canadians could muster, as Skid Row took home Defining Album (Skid Row over Stunt), Personal Connection (I had a 6 foot long poster of them on my closet, as entertaining as the 1999 BNL concert on Long Island was), and Historical Impact, cause well, hair metal rules.
FINAL SCORE: SKID ROW 5 ~ BARENAKED LADIES 4.
Congrats Sebastian, you get to get your ass whooped by Dylan.
Liverpool Regional Play In Game: Kings of Leon vs Warrant
The Committeerespected glam rock in terms of their right to be in the dance, but Warrant makes it two members of the hairband conference that had to play an extra round just to be a 16 seed. KoL took down Entire Collection (easily - a big weakness for the hair bands), Defining Album, and Historical Impact (cause we don't count Jani Lane's appearance on Celebrity Fat Farm). Giving Warrant points for Song (Heaven) and Personal Connection (Mad respect for 1989) wasn't enough.
FINAL SCORE: KINGS OF LEON 6 ~ WARRANT 3
Charlottesville Regional Play In Game: Incubus v Queen
Incubus won the Album category by virtue of "Light Grenades" beating anything Queen had to offer (outside of their Greatest, there's nothing that jumps out at me) but the jolly flamboyant men of Queen ran the table everywhere else. I expected this to be closer.
FINAL SCORE: QUEEN 7 ~ INCUBUS 2
San Francisco Regional Play In Game: Modest Mouse vs Smashing Pumpkins
Proving to me that the criteria will make things interesting. If you stopped me on the street and asked me to pick between these two, I'd probably say "God that Billy Corgan is a stupid self-serving prick, and I enjoy me some MM". But the box score says something different. Mouse's Good News... won the Defining Album, but the Pumpkins have the collection, the connection (fun, not so innocent times driving around when I was 17), the song ("Disarm") and unfortunately, the impact. A shocking personal upset and a bloodbath:
FINAL SCORE: SMASHING PUMPKINS 7 ~ MODEST MOUSE 2
Now that we have our 64, here's the Full Bracket
I look forward to wasting many, many more hours on this.
So I'm going to stay in tournament mode.
On a recent commute, I started thinking about what would happen if I were to come up with 64 musicians and seeded them. How would it play out? What would be the criteria? Would it be a pointless waste of time to decide that Bob Dylan was my favorite artist of all time? Yeah, it might be. Then it dawned on me, hell, there's nothing I enjoy more than a good old fashioned waste of time, so who gives a Bush's ass? It was decided that yes indeed, it was time to study the iPod and form a one man selection committee and come up with what I would consider to be my 64 favorite acts of all time (though I limited it to post-WWII genres).
Actually it became 68. I figure the NCAA has a play-in game for the 16th seed, I'll have 4 of them for each sixteener. I seeded the teams - loosely to a degree - based off what I perceive to be my personal preferences, then randomly assigned them to a region. For good measure, the region was named after the 1 seed's actual or adoptive hometown.
The Number One Seeds:
Liverpool Region: The Beatles
The Village Region: Bob Dylan
Charlottesville Region: Dave Matthews Band
San Francisco Region: The Grateful Dead
The next step was to determine a list of criteria. I didn't want to go "Well, I like Public Enemy more than Smashing Pumpkins, so they move on". Afterall, if that was the case the whole thing would have been done the minute I finished seeding them all. I wanted something comprehensive and tangible to have an artist defeat an artist. I like tangible explanations, not a fan of "just because" as you probably know by now.
I came up with a scoreboard with 5 Criteria, worth a total of 9 points to ensure no ties:
- Entire Collection (3 Points): Lined up against each other, who has a better collection overall.
- Defining Album (2 Points): If you take each artists' best work, which is better. I'm going to try and make it a blend of personal choice and conventional wisdom. They don't always agree. But once an album is settled on for each artist, that will be the album that they have for the entire tournament.
- Personal Connection and Memories (2 Points): The most subjective criteria of them all and the most random. I'm curious to see how this plays out during this colosal waste of time. It's also the reason I didn't include Meat Loaf.
- Defining Song (1 Point): Same as album, on a smaller scale.
- Historical Impact (1 Point): Which artist has made a bigger impact on music history and our culture as a whole? It's probably the most objective of them all. Regardless of the other criteria, you can't argue that Billy Joel has had a bigger impact than Sublime. However, it's only 1 point and that shouldn't dramatically alter anything.
Let the Games Begin:
The Village Regional Play In Game: Skid Row vs Barenaked Ladies.
A true nailbiter between two vastly different acts with very similar qualities. Both fit the popular mold of a late decade genre, BNL with 90s fluff-rock and Skid Row with 80s hair-metal. The Ladies won for their Entire Collection, primarily because after Skid Row's self-titled debut, their follow-up album, Slave to the Grind rivaled child abuse on the Despicable Chart. BNL also captured Defining Song with "One Week" over "Youth Gone Wild". Yes, I'm ashamed to admit that. However that was all the Canadians could muster, as Skid Row took home Defining Album (Skid Row over Stunt), Personal Connection (I had a 6 foot long poster of them on my closet, as entertaining as the 1999 BNL concert on Long Island was), and Historical Impact, cause well, hair metal rules.
FINAL SCORE: SKID ROW 5 ~ BARENAKED LADIES 4.
Congrats Sebastian, you get to get your ass whooped by Dylan.
Liverpool Regional Play In Game: Kings of Leon vs Warrant
The Committeerespected glam rock in terms of their right to be in the dance, but Warrant makes it two members of the hairband conference that had to play an extra round just to be a 16 seed. KoL took down Entire Collection (easily - a big weakness for the hair bands), Defining Album, and Historical Impact (cause we don't count Jani Lane's appearance on Celebrity Fat Farm). Giving Warrant points for Song (Heaven) and Personal Connection (Mad respect for 1989) wasn't enough.
FINAL SCORE: KINGS OF LEON 6 ~ WARRANT 3
Charlottesville Regional Play In Game: Incubus v Queen
Incubus won the Album category by virtue of "Light Grenades" beating anything Queen had to offer (outside of their Greatest, there's nothing that jumps out at me) but the jolly flamboyant men of Queen ran the table everywhere else. I expected this to be closer.
FINAL SCORE: QUEEN 7 ~ INCUBUS 2
San Francisco Regional Play In Game: Modest Mouse vs Smashing Pumpkins
Proving to me that the criteria will make things interesting. If you stopped me on the street and asked me to pick between these two, I'd probably say "God that Billy Corgan is a stupid self-serving prick, and I enjoy me some MM". But the box score says something different. Mouse's Good News... won the Defining Album, but the Pumpkins have the collection, the connection (fun, not so innocent times driving around when I was 17), the song ("Disarm") and unfortunately, the impact. A shocking personal upset and a bloodbath:
FINAL SCORE: SMASHING PUMPKINS 7 ~ MODEST MOUSE 2
Now that we have our 64, here's the Full Bracket
I look forward to wasting many, many more hours on this.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Five For (Good) Friday 4/2/10
Weather's more beautiful than Porterhouse and Lager meal with a loaded baked potato 'round these parts.
FIVE SONGS I'M GOING TO BLAST WITH THE WINDOWS DOWN ON THE WAY HOME
5. Brown Eyed Women (Grateful Dead) - Respect the song that respect Michael Scott's drink of choice (Grenadine)
4. Coming in from the Cold (Bob Marley) - Finally
3. Candy's Room (Bruce Springsteen) - Slowly turning into an obsession.
2. Country Roads (John Denver) - A jumpstart on the pregame
1. Mr. Brightside (The Killers) - I know it's implied and all, but seriously, this line grinds my gears:
Now they're going to bed
and my stomach is SICK
And it's all in my head
but she's touching his.....Chest? Really?
Regardless, a great blow-your-speaker tune on a beautiful day.
FOUR SONGS FOR MY FOUR TEAMS
4. Paradise by the Dashboard Light - The New York Rangers. When I was barely seventeen, you blew my mind and hooked me for life. And I've regretted it ever since. Now I'm praying for the end of time so I can end my time with you.
3. Living In Sin - The Boston Celtics. Baby can you tell me just where we fit in? I call it love, they call it living in sin. I have a "Look Who's Coming to Dinner" moment every time someone finds out that despite being NYCmetro born and raised, I hate the Knicks and love me some C's.
2. Thank You - The New York Football Giants. I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life. Super Bowl XLII, 2/3/08, was just like 9/11, except totally opposite. Every year somebody wins a Super Bowl. Just about every NFL Team that's been around for a generation or two has won one. But nobody else ended perfection. Nobody else had the greatest play in the history of Sport. To think the ghosts of the 2004 ALCS could never be exorcised...
1. Wonderful Tonight - The New York Yankees. Cheesey, Sappy, whatever. They rarely disappoint and the lifetime commitment has been much more joy than pain.
THREE RATINGS BONANZAS I NEVER GOT INTO
3. Survivor. From the little I've seen over the last 10 years, it seems so overwhelmingly obvious that it's all staged. And pretty friggin stupid and unappealing if you ask me.
2. American Idol. Karaoke's only fun when you're drunk.
1. Seinfeld. Dick Cheney once said he had "other priorities" during the Vietnam War that prevented him from serving. Well I has "other priorities" in the 90s I guess.
TWO CONSERVATIVES I ACTUALLY ENJOY FOLLOWING ON TWITTER
2. Meghan McCain. @McCainBlogette -Don't ask me why. There's little in terms of substance there, it's the twitter equivalent of Jersey Shore I guess. Maybe I'm just fascinated that a man as old as John McCain has a daughter significantly younger than me. Makes Larry King seem like an irresponsible teenage father.
1. Joe Scarborough @JoeNBC. Always the first to criticize the outrageous and insulting behavior of the Tea Baggers, despite similar political views.
ONE WAY TO MAKE EASTER MORE INTERESTING
1. Move it to Saturday. If you want a seat at the grown-up's holiday table, you can't be before a work day. Thanksgiving kicks off a 4 day weekend. Very few people work on December 26th. And if you do, you can go balls out on Christmas Eve. 4th of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day - these are rarely celebrated the day before work starts. But nobody ever thinks to do Easter on a Saturday.
Even if you were to look at tradition, this could work. We know that Jesus died for your sins on Good Friday and rose on Sunday per biblical accounts. On Saturday, nothing happened. The Apostles sat around feeling sorry for themselves, and Jesus was, well, wherever people go in between dying and rising from the dead. So it's not as if we're depriving some sacred Saturday tradition of it's due. Easter on Saturday, it makes too much sense. Let the wine flow. Enjoy leftover ham sandwiches at 2 AM. And do your own miraculous resurection on Sunday morning.
FIVE SONGS I'M GOING TO BLAST WITH THE WINDOWS DOWN ON THE WAY HOME
5. Brown Eyed Women (Grateful Dead) - Respect the song that respect Michael Scott's drink of choice (Grenadine)
4. Coming in from the Cold (Bob Marley) - Finally
3. Candy's Room (Bruce Springsteen) - Slowly turning into an obsession.
2. Country Roads (John Denver) - A jumpstart on the pregame
1. Mr. Brightside (The Killers) - I know it's implied and all, but seriously, this line grinds my gears:
Now they're going to bed
and my stomach is SICK
And it's all in my head
but she's touching his.....Chest? Really?
Regardless, a great blow-your-speaker tune on a beautiful day.
FOUR SONGS FOR MY FOUR TEAMS
4. Paradise by the Dashboard Light - The New York Rangers. When I was barely seventeen, you blew my mind and hooked me for life. And I've regretted it ever since. Now I'm praying for the end of time so I can end my time with you.
3. Living In Sin - The Boston Celtics. Baby can you tell me just where we fit in? I call it love, they call it living in sin. I have a "Look Who's Coming to Dinner" moment every time someone finds out that despite being NYCmetro born and raised, I hate the Knicks and love me some C's.
2. Thank You - The New York Football Giants. I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life. Super Bowl XLII, 2/3/08, was just like 9/11, except totally opposite. Every year somebody wins a Super Bowl. Just about every NFL Team that's been around for a generation or two has won one. But nobody else ended perfection. Nobody else had the greatest play in the history of Sport. To think the ghosts of the 2004 ALCS could never be exorcised...
1. Wonderful Tonight - The New York Yankees. Cheesey, Sappy, whatever. They rarely disappoint and the lifetime commitment has been much more joy than pain.
THREE RATINGS BONANZAS I NEVER GOT INTO
3. Survivor. From the little I've seen over the last 10 years, it seems so overwhelmingly obvious that it's all staged. And pretty friggin stupid and unappealing if you ask me.
2. American Idol. Karaoke's only fun when you're drunk.
1. Seinfeld. Dick Cheney once said he had "other priorities" during the Vietnam War that prevented him from serving. Well I has "other priorities" in the 90s I guess.
TWO CONSERVATIVES I ACTUALLY ENJOY FOLLOWING ON TWITTER
2. Meghan McCain. @McCainBlogette -Don't ask me why. There's little in terms of substance there, it's the twitter equivalent of Jersey Shore I guess. Maybe I'm just fascinated that a man as old as John McCain has a daughter significantly younger than me. Makes Larry King seem like an irresponsible teenage father.
1. Joe Scarborough @JoeNBC. Always the first to criticize the outrageous and insulting behavior of the Tea Baggers, despite similar political views.
ONE WAY TO MAKE EASTER MORE INTERESTING
1. Move it to Saturday. If you want a seat at the grown-up's holiday table, you can't be before a work day. Thanksgiving kicks off a 4 day weekend. Very few people work on December 26th. And if you do, you can go balls out on Christmas Eve. 4th of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day - these are rarely celebrated the day before work starts. But nobody ever thinks to do Easter on a Saturday.
Even if you were to look at tradition, this could work. We know that Jesus died for your sins on Good Friday and rose on Sunday per biblical accounts. On Saturday, nothing happened. The Apostles sat around feeling sorry for themselves, and Jesus was, well, wherever people go in between dying and rising from the dead. So it's not as if we're depriving some sacred Saturday tradition of it's due. Easter on Saturday, it makes too much sense. Let the wine flow. Enjoy leftover ham sandwiches at 2 AM. And do your own miraculous resurection on Sunday morning.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I Hate To Tell Ya but...
-The best candidate that the College of Cardinals could come up with to be the successor of Saint Peter in 2005 was a former Nazi with a penchant for giving cover to pedophiles.
-Fortysomethings need to explain to me what's so special about The Police, The Eagles, and Genesis.
-Olympic hockey magnified how boring regular season hockey can be.
-If the federal government can mandate that each individual saves for retirement as they do with Social Security, I see no constitutional reason why they can't do the same for health insurance.
-Nothing makes the collective sports media stain their shorts like speculating about an all-pro QB north of 30 changing teams.
-Somebody really needs to explain to me who decides when Easter is and how they do it.
-It bothers me that people never say "goodbye" when hanging up the phone on television.
-The shock, awe and amazement at the Minnesota Twins signing Joe Mauer to the third richest contract in baseball history shouldn't be covered as shocking, awesome, or amazing. The Pohlad Family, which has owned the Twins since 1984, has a net-worth of about 3.6 billion. That's more than double the worth of the big, bad, evil Steinbrenner family.
-I have a hard time thinking of anything else by but Brian Fellow's Safari Planet when I hear Oprah narrate "Life"
-I'm not sure when exactly it became more enjoyable to watch sports at home than in person, but it happened.
-Calling Glen Beck "batshit crazy" insults guano.
-I fully expect "The Hangover 2" to be the most disappointing sequel in the history of movies.
-It's about effing Time that the Pacific Theater got the spotlight it deserved. I hope this helps close what I call the "Stigma Gap" between Germany and Japan.
-Eli Manning is the most successful quarterback in the Class of 2004 to never be accused of rape.
-Europe really fucked up Africa, didn't it?
-If you were to judge me solely by the context of the "FWD" emails I receive, you'd swear I was a racist Evangelical Christian Republican fundraiser.
-Fortysomethings need to explain to me what's so special about The Police, The Eagles, and Genesis.
-Olympic hockey magnified how boring regular season hockey can be.
-If the federal government can mandate that each individual saves for retirement as they do with Social Security, I see no constitutional reason why they can't do the same for health insurance.
-Nothing makes the collective sports media stain their shorts like speculating about an all-pro QB north of 30 changing teams.
-Somebody really needs to explain to me who decides when Easter is and how they do it.
-It bothers me that people never say "goodbye" when hanging up the phone on television.
-The shock, awe and amazement at the Minnesota Twins signing Joe Mauer to the third richest contract in baseball history shouldn't be covered as shocking, awesome, or amazing. The Pohlad Family, which has owned the Twins since 1984, has a net-worth of about 3.6 billion. That's more than double the worth of the big, bad, evil Steinbrenner family.
-I have a hard time thinking of anything else by but Brian Fellow's Safari Planet when I hear Oprah narrate "Life"
-I'm not sure when exactly it became more enjoyable to watch sports at home than in person, but it happened.
-Calling Glen Beck "batshit crazy" insults guano.
-I fully expect "The Hangover 2" to be the most disappointing sequel in the history of movies.
-It's about effing Time that the Pacific Theater got the spotlight it deserved. I hope this helps close what I call the "Stigma Gap" between Germany and Japan.
-Eli Manning is the most successful quarterback in the Class of 2004 to never be accused of rape.
-Europe really fucked up Africa, didn't it?
-If you were to judge me solely by the context of the "FWD" emails I receive, you'd swear I was a racist Evangelical Christian Republican fundraiser.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The Christie Educashun Massacre: Is Our Voters Learning?
Over the past two weeks, there's been quite the brouhaha here in Jersey over Obese Governor Chris Christie's budgetary assault on education. The outrage seems especially heightened on facebook, most likely because those of us against the Governor's cuts know how to use things like computers. Already, school districts across the state are in the process of layoffs, targeting the arts, special needs programs, and just about everything but the disgustingly disproportionate salaries of the school administrators. Despite the fact that the budget still needs to be passed by the State Legislature, most districts are proactively bracing for the pending Armageddon.
I can - most people can - go on and on about why New Jersey's finances are a joke or the countless reasons why property taxes are so high, but that's a subject for a doctoral dissertation (Or, it can be summed up with three words: Shared Bleeping Services). What's being lost in the commotion of the proposed funding slash is that this has absolutely nothing, nada, zilch to do with "the tough economic climate". Aside from the bailed out bankers, nobody's really turned the corner yet and cuts are anticipated and expected in every sector, be it public or private. The story here is the magnitude to which the governor is going to dismantle the state's public education institution and it's employees.
Do teachers and other state employees enjoy better benefits than those of us in the private sector? Without a doubt. But you need to keep in mind: 25 years ago, that wasn't the case. States had to enhance these benefits to entice workers because benefits like this were the status quo for most working Americans. Somewhere along the lines, a certain Alzheimer's suffering President made it his mission to dismantle the American Worker's Unions and trickle up every last penny to the super-rich. The end result was predictable: the average American would now work more for less, in terms of salary and benefits, while the lucky few would prosper beyond their wildest dreams.
State employees did not have their unions broken and maintained what were once "standard" but are now considered "elaborate" benefits. Instead of the American worker demanding benefits as strong as the public sector, the teachers have been boogey-manned into pigs at the trough, living high on of your tax paying hog. And this attempt to bust the union is only part of Christie's agenda.
The other part, more subliminal but intensely dogmatic, is continuing the trend of the Republican Party's "learnicide". Statistics do not lie: The enemy of the Republican Party is an educated voter. Take your own personal life experiences. Who would you consider to be the five smartest people you know? Do you think they voted for George Bush? John McCain? Or if you're life depended on it, would you guess they voted for President Obama, or John Kerry, or Al Gore?
The reliably Republican voters I've come across in my life, more often then not fit one of three molds:
1. Religious Crazies/Jesus Freaks
2. People in a tax bracket I can only dream of reaching
3. Angry, white, working class people, most likely men.
The first two I understand - the Democratic Party is not the place to be if you want to put the Ten Commendments in every school or outlaw the term "Happy Holidays". Nor should it be a home to millionaires looking to become billionaires at any expense.
But it's the last part that always baffled me - for they're the largest part of the Republican Base. You can't get to 271 Electoral Votes or 225 Seats in the House by building a coalition of Born Again Oil Tycoons. No, the GOP has for a generation now, convinced millions of people to continually vote against their best interests. Some of the same people who have lost their jobs, their insurance, seen their savings and benefits become a shell of what they once were, and struggled to put their kids through college show up like clockwork every November and go straight down the Republican line, even though 30 years of Conservative rule has only led to two wars and the worst economic crisis in nearly a century. Even though 30 years of Republicanism has led us from The Lone Superpower to China's prison bitch.
To make a long story short: They don't want you to realize this. There's a reason a Harvard Graduate War Hero like John Kerry can lose to a C-Student Diserter like George Bush: The GOP's made education a stigma.
And now Chris Christie wants to bring that New Jersey. If you were to look at the most educated states in America, you'd notice two remarkable trends (aside from NJ's top 5 ranking that Christie wants to sink):
1. None of the top 15 states, ranked by highest percentage of adults with at least a bachelor's degree, voted Bush-Bush-McCain over the last 3 election cycles.
2. None of the worst 15 states voted Gore-Kerry-Obama.
There's no way to sugarcoat it: The Republican Base is dumb as dogshitt. And they need your children to be stupid if they're ever going to survive another generation. So don't buy the baloney that Christie's selling you about across the board painful cuts. This is geared at the mortal enemies of the GOP: literacy and comprehension.
I can - most people can - go on and on about why New Jersey's finances are a joke or the countless reasons why property taxes are so high, but that's a subject for a doctoral dissertation (Or, it can be summed up with three words: Shared Bleeping Services). What's being lost in the commotion of the proposed funding slash is that this has absolutely nothing, nada, zilch to do with "the tough economic climate". Aside from the bailed out bankers, nobody's really turned the corner yet and cuts are anticipated and expected in every sector, be it public or private. The story here is the magnitude to which the governor is going to dismantle the state's public education institution and it's employees.
Do teachers and other state employees enjoy better benefits than those of us in the private sector? Without a doubt. But you need to keep in mind: 25 years ago, that wasn't the case. States had to enhance these benefits to entice workers because benefits like this were the status quo for most working Americans. Somewhere along the lines, a certain Alzheimer's suffering President made it his mission to dismantle the American Worker's Unions and trickle up every last penny to the super-rich. The end result was predictable: the average American would now work more for less, in terms of salary and benefits, while the lucky few would prosper beyond their wildest dreams.
State employees did not have their unions broken and maintained what were once "standard" but are now considered "elaborate" benefits. Instead of the American worker demanding benefits as strong as the public sector, the teachers have been boogey-manned into pigs at the trough, living high on of your tax paying hog. And this attempt to bust the union is only part of Christie's agenda.
The other part, more subliminal but intensely dogmatic, is continuing the trend of the Republican Party's "learnicide". Statistics do not lie: The enemy of the Republican Party is an educated voter. Take your own personal life experiences. Who would you consider to be the five smartest people you know? Do you think they voted for George Bush? John McCain? Or if you're life depended on it, would you guess they voted for President Obama, or John Kerry, or Al Gore?
The reliably Republican voters I've come across in my life, more often then not fit one of three molds:
1. Religious Crazies/Jesus Freaks
2. People in a tax bracket I can only dream of reaching
3. Angry, white, working class people, most likely men.
The first two I understand - the Democratic Party is not the place to be if you want to put the Ten Commendments in every school or outlaw the term "Happy Holidays". Nor should it be a home to millionaires looking to become billionaires at any expense.
But it's the last part that always baffled me - for they're the largest part of the Republican Base. You can't get to 271 Electoral Votes or 225 Seats in the House by building a coalition of Born Again Oil Tycoons. No, the GOP has for a generation now, convinced millions of people to continually vote against their best interests. Some of the same people who have lost their jobs, their insurance, seen their savings and benefits become a shell of what they once were, and struggled to put their kids through college show up like clockwork every November and go straight down the Republican line, even though 30 years of Conservative rule has only led to two wars and the worst economic crisis in nearly a century. Even though 30 years of Republicanism has led us from The Lone Superpower to China's prison bitch.
To make a long story short: They don't want you to realize this. There's a reason a Harvard Graduate War Hero like John Kerry can lose to a C-Student Diserter like George Bush: The GOP's made education a stigma.
And now Chris Christie wants to bring that New Jersey. If you were to look at the most educated states in America, you'd notice two remarkable trends (aside from NJ's top 5 ranking that Christie wants to sink):
1. None of the top 15 states, ranked by highest percentage of adults with at least a bachelor's degree, voted Bush-Bush-McCain over the last 3 election cycles.
2. None of the worst 15 states voted Gore-Kerry-Obama.
There's no way to sugarcoat it: The Republican Base is dumb as dogshitt. And they need your children to be stupid if they're ever going to survive another generation. So don't buy the baloney that Christie's selling you about across the board painful cuts. This is geared at the mortal enemies of the GOP: literacy and comprehension.
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