A rather enjoyable hillbilly once sang "I ain't big on social graces". I tend to live by that. I can't stand certain societal practices, especially anything that can be traced back to the Victorian era. I don't know if that's where the idea of a three-forked table setting where I'm supposed to start on the outside and work myself in originated or not, but nonsense like that just fills up what I assume is a finite capacity for knowledge. Remember your table-setting etiquette, forget how to change a tire. Or something like that.
I'm also not big on "Bless You". I think well-wishes and blessings should be reserved for severe illnesses and hardships, not allergies. And can we all agree buttoning the top button on dress shirts is not needed? It's awkward and uncomfortable, and it if everybody refused to do it, then it wouldn't look "sloppy". Don't believe me? Look at how every man under the age of 30 all of a sudden decided not to comb their hair anymore. It's no longer trashy looking, but rather the norm.
I don't mean to be rude and I certainly appreciate the value of being polite. If your invited to somebody's house, you bring them food or drink. Excuse yourself when you burp. Or fart. I've never really seen an old lady struggle to cross the road, but if I did, I'd like to believe I'd help her. Though I ask, what makes crossing the street at a red light any more difficult than navigating a sidewalk with other pedestrians, pets, or bicyclists? Don't bore people. You want to hear about my fantasy football team as much as I want to hear about your kid's art project.
Then there's Pretentiousness. It's something that we're all guilty of. Sometimes we can't help it. Nobody's really immune to being being pretentious. Certainly not me. But if I can channel my inner Emily Post, maybe I can make a contribution to society by laying the groundwork for a Universal Scale of Pretension. (Which yeah, the irony of such a statement is not lost on me, thanks for asking).
For what it's worth, the context is not necessarily that one enjoys these items, activities or beliefs, it's that when one openly and/or frequently discusses them that they warrant consideration on the list.
1.0 The Flight of the Conchords. Ever get into a conversation with someone who watches this show? Then you tell them that you gave it a chance but it didn't really do it for you? They look at you as if you'd be better of spending your time playing the banjo on a dilapidated porch in Appalachia. Newsflash: This Show Sucks. Freaks and Geeks may also be substituted.
2.0 Cause Ribbons. I can appreciate - to a degree - somebody who literally dons a legitimate ribbon. Your still probably an asshole, but I admire the effort of actually pinning the ribbon to your lapel, dress, shirt, whatever. Magnetic ones? Stickers, hats and clothing that has the image of a ribbon? Spare us all, please? "I love Children/Soldiers/Insert-Disease-Here Awareness so much that to help support/eradicate it I'm going to wear this shirt or spend $5 on a made-in-china magnet for my made-in-China car." Would that $5 not be better spent being donated to a charity for said designated issue? I thought so.
3.0 Ani DiFranco. I'm not too proud to admit I enjoy some of Ani DiFranco's work. Be you didn't know that. Know why you didn't know that? Cause I'm the one person who enjoys it that doesn't shove it down your throat and end every musical conversation with "Oh without a doubt, Ani DiFranco".
4.0 Aging Sex Symbols. Can we start treating people who talk about how sexy they find Sean Connery or Raquel Welch as what they really are: Borderline Necrophiliacs? Sure, Connery may exude a certain grace or dignity about him and all, but you know how you can cure these feelings? Get your physician drunk and ask him what an 80 year old man looks like naked.
5.0 Being Agnostic. Here's the ultimate irony about people who are agnostic: They're basically telling you they don't prescribe to any religious dogma while confirming in their statement that they in fact do. Agnosticism has gone from a theory to basically Buddhism without the rock gardens. What's wrong with the following answer: "I believe in God, I'm just not religious."
6.0 The Independent Film Channel. As soon as someone begins a sentence with "I saw this movie on IFC last night..." I immediately start thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner for the rest of the month. I'm a film buff to a degree. I like to think I have a pretty good idea of what's a good movie, what's useless junk, and what's a guilty pleasure. But I can't psych myself up for 3 hours of black and white footage of a man in a ladies' nightgown drinking table wine and smoking cigarettes while pacing across a room. In Estonian, with German subtitles.
7.0 Your Blog. What? You think the rest of the world cares what you consider to be Pretentious?
8.0 Serving Only Hummus. It might be 2010, we all might be trying to eat a little healthier, but for crying out loud, some of us still prefer some onion dip or spreadable cheese product! I'm not saying hummus doesn't have a place on your snack table when you're entertaining guests. I know many people all of a sudden enjoy it. But some, if not most of us, still have a 2009 mentality. We like cheese with our crackers. Dips with our chips. Salsa. Spare me the chickpeas. I'll watch what I eat on my own time, it's not your job to worry about my cholesterol.
9.0 Having More than 1 CD Tower on display. Having one CD Tower says "I like to have my limited music collection easily accessible and near my home entertainment system. I have no need for an mp3 player when I only own 1G of music". Perfectly fine and normal. Having 2 or more says "Look at me! Look at how much music I have! Sure I could condense all of this into binders and books and tuck them away but then you wouldn't be able to see it!" On the same note, if you're under 40, you shouldn't even have a CD collection displayed anywhere except in a box in your closet in case your computer crashes.
10.0 White People using Chopsticks. In no way, shape, or form are chopsticks more utilitarian or easier than the standard fork, knife and spoon. None at all. People love to show it off as if they've won some culinary decathlon. In reality, it's the dining equivalent of being able to make fart noises with your armpits. You look like an ass and it's a useless skill.
Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Music Madness 2010: Intro,. Preview, and Play-Ins
Ignoring the fact that I'm too old to stay up till midnight on a work night, the NCAA Men's tournament that just concluded was by far the most invigorating and entertaining of my lifetime. Of all the years I've dove into March Madness, be it cutting high school, skipping college classes or taking sick days and vacations in my professional life, I've never seen anything like it. The right balance of underdogs and juggernauts. The buzzer-beaters and new heroes. The rise of Butler and the fall of Callipari. These last three weeks were a sports fan's prime rib buffet with all-you-can-drink Guinness. I don't want it to end.
So I'm going to stay in tournament mode.
On a recent commute, I started thinking about what would happen if I were to come up with 64 musicians and seeded them. How would it play out? What would be the criteria? Would it be a pointless waste of time to decide that Bob Dylan was my favorite artist of all time? Yeah, it might be. Then it dawned on me, hell, there's nothing I enjoy more than a good old fashioned waste of time, so who gives a Bush's ass? It was decided that yes indeed, it was time to study the iPod and form a one man selection committee and come up with what I would consider to be my 64 favorite acts of all time (though I limited it to post-WWII genres).
Actually it became 68. I figure the NCAA has a play-in game for the 16th seed, I'll have 4 of them for each sixteener. I seeded the teams - loosely to a degree - based off what I perceive to be my personal preferences, then randomly assigned them to a region. For good measure, the region was named after the 1 seed's actual or adoptive hometown.
The Number One Seeds:
Liverpool Region: The Beatles
The Village Region: Bob Dylan
Charlottesville Region: Dave Matthews Band
San Francisco Region: The Grateful Dead
The next step was to determine a list of criteria. I didn't want to go "Well, I like Public Enemy more than Smashing Pumpkins, so they move on". Afterall, if that was the case the whole thing would have been done the minute I finished seeding them all. I wanted something comprehensive and tangible to have an artist defeat an artist. I like tangible explanations, not a fan of "just because" as you probably know by now.
I came up with a scoreboard with 5 Criteria, worth a total of 9 points to ensure no ties:
Let the Games Begin:
The Village Regional Play In Game: Skid Row vs Barenaked Ladies.
A true nailbiter between two vastly different acts with very similar qualities. Both fit the popular mold of a late decade genre, BNL with 90s fluff-rock and Skid Row with 80s hair-metal. The Ladies won for their Entire Collection, primarily because after Skid Row's self-titled debut, their follow-up album, Slave to the Grind rivaled child abuse on the Despicable Chart. BNL also captured Defining Song with "One Week" over "Youth Gone Wild". Yes, I'm ashamed to admit that. However that was all the Canadians could muster, as Skid Row took home Defining Album (Skid Row over Stunt), Personal Connection (I had a 6 foot long poster of them on my closet, as entertaining as the 1999 BNL concert on Long Island was), and Historical Impact, cause well, hair metal rules.
FINAL SCORE: SKID ROW 5 ~ BARENAKED LADIES 4.
Congrats Sebastian, you get to get your ass whooped by Dylan.
Liverpool Regional Play In Game: Kings of Leon vs Warrant
The Committeerespected glam rock in terms of their right to be in the dance, but Warrant makes it two members of the hairband conference that had to play an extra round just to be a 16 seed. KoL took down Entire Collection (easily - a big weakness for the hair bands), Defining Album, and Historical Impact (cause we don't count Jani Lane's appearance on Celebrity Fat Farm). Giving Warrant points for Song (Heaven) and Personal Connection (Mad respect for 1989) wasn't enough.
FINAL SCORE: KINGS OF LEON 6 ~ WARRANT 3
Charlottesville Regional Play In Game: Incubus v Queen
Incubus won the Album category by virtue of "Light Grenades" beating anything Queen had to offer (outside of their Greatest, there's nothing that jumps out at me) but the jolly flamboyant men of Queen ran the table everywhere else. I expected this to be closer.
FINAL SCORE: QUEEN 7 ~ INCUBUS 2
San Francisco Regional Play In Game: Modest Mouse vs Smashing Pumpkins
Proving to me that the criteria will make things interesting. If you stopped me on the street and asked me to pick between these two, I'd probably say "God that Billy Corgan is a stupid self-serving prick, and I enjoy me some MM". But the box score says something different. Mouse's Good News... won the Defining Album, but the Pumpkins have the collection, the connection (fun, not so innocent times driving around when I was 17), the song ("Disarm") and unfortunately, the impact. A shocking personal upset and a bloodbath:
FINAL SCORE: SMASHING PUMPKINS 7 ~ MODEST MOUSE 2
Now that we have our 64, here's the Full Bracket
I look forward to wasting many, many more hours on this.
So I'm going to stay in tournament mode.
On a recent commute, I started thinking about what would happen if I were to come up with 64 musicians and seeded them. How would it play out? What would be the criteria? Would it be a pointless waste of time to decide that Bob Dylan was my favorite artist of all time? Yeah, it might be. Then it dawned on me, hell, there's nothing I enjoy more than a good old fashioned waste of time, so who gives a Bush's ass? It was decided that yes indeed, it was time to study the iPod and form a one man selection committee and come up with what I would consider to be my 64 favorite acts of all time (though I limited it to post-WWII genres).
Actually it became 68. I figure the NCAA has a play-in game for the 16th seed, I'll have 4 of them for each sixteener. I seeded the teams - loosely to a degree - based off what I perceive to be my personal preferences, then randomly assigned them to a region. For good measure, the region was named after the 1 seed's actual or adoptive hometown.
The Number One Seeds:
Liverpool Region: The Beatles
The Village Region: Bob Dylan
Charlottesville Region: Dave Matthews Band
San Francisco Region: The Grateful Dead
The next step was to determine a list of criteria. I didn't want to go "Well, I like Public Enemy more than Smashing Pumpkins, so they move on". Afterall, if that was the case the whole thing would have been done the minute I finished seeding them all. I wanted something comprehensive and tangible to have an artist defeat an artist. I like tangible explanations, not a fan of "just because" as you probably know by now.
I came up with a scoreboard with 5 Criteria, worth a total of 9 points to ensure no ties:
- Entire Collection (3 Points): Lined up against each other, who has a better collection overall.
- Defining Album (2 Points): If you take each artists' best work, which is better. I'm going to try and make it a blend of personal choice and conventional wisdom. They don't always agree. But once an album is settled on for each artist, that will be the album that they have for the entire tournament.
- Personal Connection and Memories (2 Points): The most subjective criteria of them all and the most random. I'm curious to see how this plays out during this colosal waste of time. It's also the reason I didn't include Meat Loaf.
- Defining Song (1 Point): Same as album, on a smaller scale.
- Historical Impact (1 Point): Which artist has made a bigger impact on music history and our culture as a whole? It's probably the most objective of them all. Regardless of the other criteria, you can't argue that Billy Joel has had a bigger impact than Sublime. However, it's only 1 point and that shouldn't dramatically alter anything.
Let the Games Begin:
The Village Regional Play In Game: Skid Row vs Barenaked Ladies.
A true nailbiter between two vastly different acts with very similar qualities. Both fit the popular mold of a late decade genre, BNL with 90s fluff-rock and Skid Row with 80s hair-metal. The Ladies won for their Entire Collection, primarily because after Skid Row's self-titled debut, their follow-up album, Slave to the Grind rivaled child abuse on the Despicable Chart. BNL also captured Defining Song with "One Week" over "Youth Gone Wild". Yes, I'm ashamed to admit that. However that was all the Canadians could muster, as Skid Row took home Defining Album (Skid Row over Stunt), Personal Connection (I had a 6 foot long poster of them on my closet, as entertaining as the 1999 BNL concert on Long Island was), and Historical Impact, cause well, hair metal rules.
FINAL SCORE: SKID ROW 5 ~ BARENAKED LADIES 4.
Congrats Sebastian, you get to get your ass whooped by Dylan.
Liverpool Regional Play In Game: Kings of Leon vs Warrant
The Committeerespected glam rock in terms of their right to be in the dance, but Warrant makes it two members of the hairband conference that had to play an extra round just to be a 16 seed. KoL took down Entire Collection (easily - a big weakness for the hair bands), Defining Album, and Historical Impact (cause we don't count Jani Lane's appearance on Celebrity Fat Farm). Giving Warrant points for Song (Heaven) and Personal Connection (Mad respect for 1989) wasn't enough.
FINAL SCORE: KINGS OF LEON 6 ~ WARRANT 3
Charlottesville Regional Play In Game: Incubus v Queen
Incubus won the Album category by virtue of "Light Grenades" beating anything Queen had to offer (outside of their Greatest, there's nothing that jumps out at me) but the jolly flamboyant men of Queen ran the table everywhere else. I expected this to be closer.
FINAL SCORE: QUEEN 7 ~ INCUBUS 2
San Francisco Regional Play In Game: Modest Mouse vs Smashing Pumpkins
Proving to me that the criteria will make things interesting. If you stopped me on the street and asked me to pick between these two, I'd probably say "God that Billy Corgan is a stupid self-serving prick, and I enjoy me some MM". But the box score says something different. Mouse's Good News... won the Defining Album, but the Pumpkins have the collection, the connection (fun, not so innocent times driving around when I was 17), the song ("Disarm") and unfortunately, the impact. A shocking personal upset and a bloodbath:
FINAL SCORE: SMASHING PUMPKINS 7 ~ MODEST MOUSE 2
Now that we have our 64, here's the Full Bracket
I look forward to wasting many, many more hours on this.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Five For Friday 2/5/10
Take it all with a grain of salt, because I obviously don't know anything about music considering Taylor Swift apparently cut the greatest album in the history of ears, and here I am thinking she's a poor man's Debbie Gibson.
FIVE COVERS THAT ARE BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL:
5. Boys of Summer, The Ataris (original artist: Don Henley). Loses some points for replacing “Dead-Head” with “Black Flag”.
4. Superstar, Sonic Youth (The Carpenters). Face it: There ain’t anything cool about the Carpenters, save for some outdated jokes about eating disorders. Sonic Youth erases the stigma of listening to the Carpenters. Victory.
3. The Star Spangled Banner, Jimi Hendrix (Everyone under the sun). Nothing’s more American than the national anthem and Hendrix was a unique American genius. Perfect match. Performed at Woodstock in front of many people who would eventually refuse to fight for LBJ. American heroes. (I’m a bi-partisan asshole. Stupid presidents and stupid wars are stupid regardless of party). Oh, and for what it’s worth, I’m in that .00003% of people who prefer Dylan’s “Watchtower” to Jimi’s. So no, I’m not missing the obvious here.
2. Scarlet Begonias, Sublime (Grateful Dead). A great GD song. A legendary Sublime tune. Added a verse about selling drugs. Awesome.
1.Hurt, Johnny Cash (Nine Inch Nails). Award for strangest cover also. A legend prepares to die. I eat that shit up.
FOUR COVERS CONSIDERED MUSICAL TREASON:
4. Can’t Help Falling in Love, UB40 (Elvis Presley). Had to flip a coin between this abomination and the audio diarrhea that was their cover of Neil Diamond’s “Red, Red Wine”. Heads it it.
3. No Woman, No Cry (The Fugees). Terrible. Insulting. Disgraceful.
2. American Pie, Madonna (Don McLean). Would it be too easy to refer to her recording of this iconic hit as “The Day The Music Died?”
1. Sweet Child O’Mine, Sheryl Crow (Guns N Roses). Having Sheryl Crow sing this GNR classic is basically the equivalent of having Bill Cosby draw over the Mona Lisa on Picture Pages.
THREE ALBUMS TO GET YOU THROUGH ST. PATRICK’S DAY SEASON:
3. This Light, Emish. Orange County, New York can produce more than motorcycles and oranges as Emish attests. And This Light has the requisite “Fields of Athenry” to make your Paddy’s season a success.
2. Drunken Lullabies, Flogging Molly. Buy it. You’ll thank me.
1. 25th Anniversary, The Wolfe Tones. Don’t know why I said three when this is really all you need. There’s some classics missing from the collection (Most notably “Streets of New York” and “Some Say the Divil is Dead”) but tis a great album to blast loud enough so the British can hear you.
TWO POPULAR CDS FROM THE 1990s I ENJOY MORE NOW THAN I DID THEN:
2. Californication, Red Hot Chili Peppers. Must not have been in the right headspace at the time, I thought this album was junk. Alas, like my original opinion on the necessity of an iPod (and John Edwards’ character), I was dead wrong.
1.Vitalogy, Pearl Jam. Thought this disc was a major downer upon it’s 1994 release. In all fairness, expectations were through the roof after Ten and Vs. Looking back, it features one of the band’s 5 best songs ("Corduroy") and 2 others I’d put in the top 15 in "Better Man" and "Nothingman". Wish I could say this was the only thing I was wrong about at 17, but I’m sure there’s some documentation out there linking my beliefs at the time to those of Pat Buchanan.
ONE RECENTLY DOWNLOADED (BAD) SONG FOR NOSTALGIC PURPOSES
1. Knockin’ Boots, Candyman. Good lord I forgot how bad (yet extremely enjoyable) this song was. Cheesy Bubble-gum rock gets plenty of play but where’s the love for rap’s equivalent? Would a rap single today even use the word “breasts” – or would it simply be “tits” with a half-assed bleep out on the radio?
I enjoy the degeneration of our societal standards as much as the next guy and look forward to a day with no FCC and no Faux-Outrage over Super Bowl Boobs and the like, but that doesn’t mean I can’t respect a song about sloppy post-show sex that does it’s damndest to keep it PG. If you’re between the ages of 27 and 35, I highly recommend you spend the 99 cents and enjoy. Or, you know, illegally download it but the Recording Industry of America asks that we don’t do that, and they’ve always had our best interests in mind, right?
FIVE COVERS THAT ARE BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL:
5. Boys of Summer, The Ataris (original artist: Don Henley). Loses some points for replacing “Dead-Head” with “Black Flag”.
4. Superstar, Sonic Youth (The Carpenters). Face it: There ain’t anything cool about the Carpenters, save for some outdated jokes about eating disorders. Sonic Youth erases the stigma of listening to the Carpenters. Victory.
3. The Star Spangled Banner, Jimi Hendrix (Everyone under the sun). Nothing’s more American than the national anthem and Hendrix was a unique American genius. Perfect match. Performed at Woodstock in front of many people who would eventually refuse to fight for LBJ. American heroes. (I’m a bi-partisan asshole. Stupid presidents and stupid wars are stupid regardless of party). Oh, and for what it’s worth, I’m in that .00003% of people who prefer Dylan’s “Watchtower” to Jimi’s. So no, I’m not missing the obvious here.
2. Scarlet Begonias, Sublime (Grateful Dead). A great GD song. A legendary Sublime tune. Added a verse about selling drugs. Awesome.
1.Hurt, Johnny Cash (Nine Inch Nails). Award for strangest cover also. A legend prepares to die. I eat that shit up.
FOUR COVERS CONSIDERED MUSICAL TREASON:
4. Can’t Help Falling in Love, UB40 (Elvis Presley). Had to flip a coin between this abomination and the audio diarrhea that was their cover of Neil Diamond’s “Red, Red Wine”. Heads it it.
3. No Woman, No Cry (The Fugees). Terrible. Insulting. Disgraceful.
2. American Pie, Madonna (Don McLean). Would it be too easy to refer to her recording of this iconic hit as “The Day The Music Died?”
1. Sweet Child O’Mine, Sheryl Crow (Guns N Roses). Having Sheryl Crow sing this GNR classic is basically the equivalent of having Bill Cosby draw over the Mona Lisa on Picture Pages.
THREE ALBUMS TO GET YOU THROUGH ST. PATRICK’S DAY SEASON:
3. This Light, Emish. Orange County, New York can produce more than motorcycles and oranges as Emish attests. And This Light has the requisite “Fields of Athenry” to make your Paddy’s season a success.
2. Drunken Lullabies, Flogging Molly. Buy it. You’ll thank me.
1. 25th Anniversary, The Wolfe Tones. Don’t know why I said three when this is really all you need. There’s some classics missing from the collection (Most notably “Streets of New York” and “Some Say the Divil is Dead”) but tis a great album to blast loud enough so the British can hear you.
TWO POPULAR CDS FROM THE 1990s I ENJOY MORE NOW THAN I DID THEN:
2. Californication, Red Hot Chili Peppers. Must not have been in the right headspace at the time, I thought this album was junk. Alas, like my original opinion on the necessity of an iPod (and John Edwards’ character), I was dead wrong.
1.Vitalogy, Pearl Jam. Thought this disc was a major downer upon it’s 1994 release. In all fairness, expectations were through the roof after Ten and Vs. Looking back, it features one of the band’s 5 best songs ("Corduroy") and 2 others I’d put in the top 15 in "Better Man" and "Nothingman". Wish I could say this was the only thing I was wrong about at 17, but I’m sure there’s some documentation out there linking my beliefs at the time to those of Pat Buchanan.
ONE RECENTLY DOWNLOADED (BAD) SONG FOR NOSTALGIC PURPOSES
1. Knockin’ Boots, Candyman. Good lord I forgot how bad (yet extremely enjoyable) this song was. Cheesy Bubble-gum rock gets plenty of play but where’s the love for rap’s equivalent? Would a rap single today even use the word “breasts” – or would it simply be “tits” with a half-assed bleep out on the radio?
I enjoy the degeneration of our societal standards as much as the next guy and look forward to a day with no FCC and no Faux-Outrage over Super Bowl Boobs and the like, but that doesn’t mean I can’t respect a song about sloppy post-show sex that does it’s damndest to keep it PG. If you’re between the ages of 27 and 35, I highly recommend you spend the 99 cents and enjoy. Or, you know, illegally download it but the Recording Industry of America asks that we don’t do that, and they’ve always had our best interests in mind, right?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Book of Rock, Chapter 1
Some couples enjoy walks on the beach. Some enjoy an evening of fine dining and dancing (at least that’s what the movies say, I've never been out at a restaurant where people got up to dance to Tony Bennett). Some are into gardening.
My wife and I? We love nothing more than spending a Saturday morning with two pots of coffee and debating controversial issues of the day. Save for a few mornings where I'm nursing an unexpected hangover (I always think I'm gonna party on Fridays but usually pass out 20 minutes into "Numbers" after a beer and a half), our "Saturday Morning chats" have slowly become a ritual over the last 8 years.
Heck, I even have a custom playlist for it, which is the final step in my canonization of a tradition.
At the end of each match, er, morning, the cornucopia of topics is usually boiled down to one premise: my personal inability to grasp why 85% of this planet is so hell-bent on "Faith". So as not to offend, I generally stick to complaints about Christianity, since that's the culture I was raised in and I've noticed in this PC world, you're allowed to go off the handle, use offensive terminology and make broad, blanketing statements - as long as it's your own culture/heritage you're demeaning.
Occasionally, as I'm doing a little "Bible Bashing" my wife will point out that when you take away the bullshit that's used to polarize and politicize in our modern times, the Bible can offer some important life lessons. To me, the only lesson that sticks out is: Unless you've hired a miracle worker, make sure you have enough booze at a wedding.
Moving beyond burning bulls to atone for homosexual acts, I'll take her word that indeed, there are valuable lessons to be learned. I will counter, however, that the same can be said for Rock'N Roll, and rock is eminently more enjoyable than reading a 2,000 year old book that's been translated over and over again.
Looking exclusively at "Classic Rock", I ask that you consider...
"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need" - The Rolling Stones. As one who's currently trying to lose some baby-fat, I would point out how this is insanely good dieting advice. I want a Double Bacon Angry Whopper with extra pepper jack sauce. I need a granola bar. Problem solved.
"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows" - Bob Dylan. Don't let someone piss on your face and tell you it's raining. Just because they call it a "Clear Skies Initiative" doesn't mean it's good for their environment, and here's another hint: Nobody hates you for your freedoms.
"The sun will shine on my backdoor someday" - The Grateful Dead. Life ain't always gonna suck, get over it. I mean, there's another way to interpret this too I guess, but I'll leave that up to you.
"In Birmingham they love the Governor, Now we all did what we can do" - Lynyrd Skynyrd. Um, white guys from Alabama are generally racist.
"You say you got a real solution, well you know, we'd all love to see the plans" - The Beatles. Lead, Follow, or Shut the Fuck Up.
"Into this house we're born. Into this world we're thrown" - The Doors. Life ain't always fair, you got to play the hand you're dealt. The sooner you realize this and adjust your expectations, the easier it all becomes.
"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to loose" - Janis Joplin. The more you own, the less you have.
Call me irreverent, call me ornery and close-minded, call me crazy. But I ask, is this any crazier than relying on a manuscript penned 2600 years ago that declares how long, and under what circumstances, a woman shall remain "unclean" after child birth?
Keep on Truckin'
My wife and I? We love nothing more than spending a Saturday morning with two pots of coffee and debating controversial issues of the day. Save for a few mornings where I'm nursing an unexpected hangover (I always think I'm gonna party on Fridays but usually pass out 20 minutes into "Numbers" after a beer and a half), our "Saturday Morning chats" have slowly become a ritual over the last 8 years.
Heck, I even have a custom playlist for it, which is the final step in my canonization of a tradition.
At the end of each match, er, morning, the cornucopia of topics is usually boiled down to one premise: my personal inability to grasp why 85% of this planet is so hell-bent on "Faith". So as not to offend, I generally stick to complaints about Christianity, since that's the culture I was raised in and I've noticed in this PC world, you're allowed to go off the handle, use offensive terminology and make broad, blanketing statements - as long as it's your own culture/heritage you're demeaning.
Occasionally, as I'm doing a little "Bible Bashing" my wife will point out that when you take away the bullshit that's used to polarize and politicize in our modern times, the Bible can offer some important life lessons. To me, the only lesson that sticks out is: Unless you've hired a miracle worker, make sure you have enough booze at a wedding.
Moving beyond burning bulls to atone for homosexual acts, I'll take her word that indeed, there are valuable lessons to be learned. I will counter, however, that the same can be said for Rock'N Roll, and rock is eminently more enjoyable than reading a 2,000 year old book that's been translated over and over again.
Looking exclusively at "Classic Rock", I ask that you consider...
"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need" - The Rolling Stones. As one who's currently trying to lose some baby-fat, I would point out how this is insanely good dieting advice. I want a Double Bacon Angry Whopper with extra pepper jack sauce. I need a granola bar. Problem solved.
"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows" - Bob Dylan. Don't let someone piss on your face and tell you it's raining. Just because they call it a "Clear Skies Initiative" doesn't mean it's good for their environment, and here's another hint: Nobody hates you for your freedoms.
"The sun will shine on my backdoor someday" - The Grateful Dead. Life ain't always gonna suck, get over it. I mean, there's another way to interpret this too I guess, but I'll leave that up to you.
"In Birmingham they love the Governor, Now we all did what we can do" - Lynyrd Skynyrd. Um, white guys from Alabama are generally racist.
"You say you got a real solution, well you know, we'd all love to see the plans" - The Beatles. Lead, Follow, or Shut the Fuck Up.
"Into this house we're born. Into this world we're thrown" - The Doors. Life ain't always fair, you got to play the hand you're dealt. The sooner you realize this and adjust your expectations, the easier it all becomes.
"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to loose" - Janis Joplin. The more you own, the less you have.
Call me irreverent, call me ornery and close-minded, call me crazy. But I ask, is this any crazier than relying on a manuscript penned 2600 years ago that declares how long, and under what circumstances, a woman shall remain "unclean" after child birth?
Keep on Truckin'
Friday, September 4, 2009
My 30 Best Albums of the Decade: 30 - 26
Disclaimers:
1. These are my personal favorites, not a definitive list. I'm not a music critic, personally I think music critics, and people who think they are, should shampoo my scrotum.
2. Live Albums are not elligible. O.A.R. is the biggest loser here cause 33rd & 8th would be top 10. As would DMB @ Fenway. But it's an unfair advantage
3. No compilation soundtracks, comprised of pre-decade already recorded songs. All apologies to Almost Famous, which would rank very high. However, if a soundtrack was created and recorded specifically for a movie or play, that would qualify. But Chicago still didn't make it.
4. There is no Coldplay on my list cause I refuse to take part in a world that treats Bon Jovi as campy fluff rock while considering Chris Martin the British answer to Bob Dylan. I don't care how many trees he's planted.
5. Only albums which I own are elligible, so if I don't have it, I cant rank it.
Without any further delay, let me get this started:
#30: In Rainbows-Radiohead: I'm not as into Radiohead as I should be but this album did me solid. It's a rare unshuffleable (new word) album, reminiscent of pretty much everythin Pink Floyd's ever done - you kinda gotta let this album play out from start to finish, which you don't find happening too often. But I'm not kidding myself, I own this album because it was free to download. It could have sucked and it would have made the list because frankly, the recording industry owes me. I've sunk a lot of money into buying music over the last 25 years or so. I don't think that 99 cents for a song is insane, nor is 10 bucks for an album - but what about when I was dropping $16 for a Slippery When Wet cassette? You raped me Mercury Records! It was nice to finally win.
#29: Us Against the Crown-State Radio: Thank goodness for these guys. With Sublime and Bob Marley dead, I was prepared to spend the rest of my life without ever hearing another album that made me want a J, an IPA, a 70 degree afternoon and a hammock. State Radio provided and I am eternally grateful. The funny thing is, I never spend such afternoons with the aforementioned provisions, even though I have a hammock and can easily attain at least the IPA. Yet every winter I convince myself that I'll be spending a glorious afternoon doing just that when May rolls around. But the reality is, I'm pulling weeds and spreading mulch and hanging screen windows. FML.
#28: Dear Catastrophe Waitress-Belle & Sebastian: In the middle of the 00's I found myself DVR'ing reruns of "Dharma and Greg" on WE. Partly because I missed any and all TV that debuted in the late 90s, but mainly because, hell, I enjoyed it. It was hard to describe. As I would watch it, I would say to myself: I really should just put my testicles in a box and throw them in the Hackensack River cause it's hard to reconcile the production of testosterone with the viewing of D&G, but F it, I love this show and I'm not gonna apologize for it. Well, that's pretty much how I feel about this album.
#27: Late Registration-Kanye West: Much like the Cheesy Potato Burritos from Taco Bell, I can't make up my mind if Kanye West impresses or repulses me. Probably a little of both. He tied Joe Namath for the greatest unscripted moment on live television of the decade when, during the Katrina fundraiser, he said "George Bush doesn't care about black people". Heck, it was worth the Red Cross donation to see Mike Myers' face when it all went down (and you know, helping people out too). But on the flip side, this dude just absolutely loves himself to the point where you think he should have been an NFL Wide Receiver instead. But this album for the most part is quite entertaining, some good driving music (which I've come to appreciate more and more since buying a house 35 miles from work during the worst possible time so I aint gettin a shorter commute anytime soon), and plus, what kind of graduate of NJ's Public Liberal Arts college if the only rap album on my countdown was by a white dude?
#26: Good News for People Who Love Bad News-Modest Mouse: This album is raw, in a very good way, especially for the diversity of sounds on it. But thats sounding too much like a critic. In reality, this is just a great album to put on when you gotta get shit done, another practice I've grown to appreciate. Let it fade into the background and get to work. Preferably not on cheap earbuds though. Like I said, this album's raw. More fun useless countin down to come as the decade hits the home-stretch.
1. These are my personal favorites, not a definitive list. I'm not a music critic, personally I think music critics, and people who think they are, should shampoo my scrotum.
2. Live Albums are not elligible. O.A.R. is the biggest loser here cause 33rd & 8th would be top 10. As would DMB @ Fenway. But it's an unfair advantage
3. No compilation soundtracks, comprised of pre-decade already recorded songs. All apologies to Almost Famous, which would rank very high. However, if a soundtrack was created and recorded specifically for a movie or play, that would qualify. But Chicago still didn't make it.
4. There is no Coldplay on my list cause I refuse to take part in a world that treats Bon Jovi as campy fluff rock while considering Chris Martin the British answer to Bob Dylan. I don't care how many trees he's planted.
5. Only albums which I own are elligible, so if I don't have it, I cant rank it.
Without any further delay, let me get this started:
#30: In Rainbows-Radiohead: I'm not as into Radiohead as I should be but this album did me solid. It's a rare unshuffleable (new word) album, reminiscent of pretty much everythin Pink Floyd's ever done - you kinda gotta let this album play out from start to finish, which you don't find happening too often. But I'm not kidding myself, I own this album because it was free to download. It could have sucked and it would have made the list because frankly, the recording industry owes me. I've sunk a lot of money into buying music over the last 25 years or so. I don't think that 99 cents for a song is insane, nor is 10 bucks for an album - but what about when I was dropping $16 for a Slippery When Wet cassette? You raped me Mercury Records! It was nice to finally win.
#29: Us Against the Crown-State Radio: Thank goodness for these guys. With Sublime and Bob Marley dead, I was prepared to spend the rest of my life without ever hearing another album that made me want a J, an IPA, a 70 degree afternoon and a hammock. State Radio provided and I am eternally grateful. The funny thing is, I never spend such afternoons with the aforementioned provisions, even though I have a hammock and can easily attain at least the IPA. Yet every winter I convince myself that I'll be spending a glorious afternoon doing just that when May rolls around. But the reality is, I'm pulling weeds and spreading mulch and hanging screen windows. FML.
#28: Dear Catastrophe Waitress-Belle & Sebastian: In the middle of the 00's I found myself DVR'ing reruns of "Dharma and Greg" on WE. Partly because I missed any and all TV that debuted in the late 90s, but mainly because, hell, I enjoyed it. It was hard to describe. As I would watch it, I would say to myself: I really should just put my testicles in a box and throw them in the Hackensack River cause it's hard to reconcile the production of testosterone with the viewing of D&G, but F it, I love this show and I'm not gonna apologize for it. Well, that's pretty much how I feel about this album.
#27: Late Registration-Kanye West: Much like the Cheesy Potato Burritos from Taco Bell, I can't make up my mind if Kanye West impresses or repulses me. Probably a little of both. He tied Joe Namath for the greatest unscripted moment on live television of the decade when, during the Katrina fundraiser, he said "George Bush doesn't care about black people". Heck, it was worth the Red Cross donation to see Mike Myers' face when it all went down (and you know, helping people out too). But on the flip side, this dude just absolutely loves himself to the point where you think he should have been an NFL Wide Receiver instead. But this album for the most part is quite entertaining, some good driving music (which I've come to appreciate more and more since buying a house 35 miles from work during the worst possible time so I aint gettin a shorter commute anytime soon), and plus, what kind of graduate of NJ's Public Liberal Arts college if the only rap album on my countdown was by a white dude?
#26: Good News for People Who Love Bad News-Modest Mouse: This album is raw, in a very good way, especially for the diversity of sounds on it. But thats sounding too much like a critic. In reality, this is just a great album to put on when you gotta get shit done, another practice I've grown to appreciate. Let it fade into the background and get to work. Preferably not on cheap earbuds though. Like I said, this album's raw. More fun useless countin down to come as the decade hits the home-stretch.
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