The King's Speech

Horrible, shocking and disgusting news out of Staten Island: 

NEW YORK - A 13-year-old girl has been arrested on hate crime charges and is accused of helping bully and attack a Muslim girl at their New York City school.

The girl is being charged as a juvenile, along with a 12-year-old boy who was arrested last week. She is charged with third-degree assault as a hate crime and attempted robbery. She is due in Family Court Tuesday.

Authorities say the two bullied and tormented a 13-year-old Muslim girl at the Staten Island school, calling her a "terrorist" and trying to steal from her.

(full story) 

You can call it coincidence if you so chose, but this comes less than a month after NY Congressman Peter King held his McCarthyesque hearings on "Islam and Terrorism" on Capitol Hill. And maybe it is a coincidence. Just like Congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford's attempted assassination was in no way, shape, or form linked to the "Lock 'N Load" language and imagery of the Tea Party.

The Dixie Chicks speak for tens of millions of Americans and say they're embarrassed by George Bush, and what ensues is a big old fashioned German-style CD burning party. Because you know, saying that some bumbling idiot who's broken the world is an "embrassment" is somehow dangerous rhetoric. 

But when the extreme right pops off about Muslims or throws a marksman's target over a Congresswoman's home district on a map, and then violence ensues, we need to watch what we say about where we point our fingers. Don't blame a collective of nutjobs for the action of one lone nutjob. 

I'm not saying speech should be curtailed. I was appalled when that little ass-tick Ari Fleischer said some Americans need to watch what they say during wartime. Free speech knows no few boundaries as far as I'm concerned.

What I am saying though, is educate your friends, relatives and neighbors on who these people are. They ARE hateful. They ARE spiteful. They ARE batshit crazy. They ARE dangerous. Not in speech, but in practice.

The Teabagger Manifesto

If you listen to Speaker Boner, Paul Ryan, Batshit Crazy Michele Bachmann or any of the other Teabaggers in congress, nothing is off the table when it comes to spending and deficit reduction. Not Social Security. Not PBS. Not Medicare. Not even the Pentagon.

But NASCAR sponsorships? Woe! Are you crazy? How can you even suggest such a drastic proposal? Minnesota Representative (and alleged Slut)  Betty McCollumn dared to make that exact recommendation. This is what she got in response:

There's really no need to point out the grammar, syntax, punctuation or hell, even the blatant racism in the fax from this run of the mill NASCAR fan. Though my wife did get a major kick out of how the person we'll refer to as "Redneck X" had no issue dropping the N-Word or calling a freely elected female of Congress a "Slut", but didn't seem comfortable spelling the word "Fuck" properly. 

I don't want to play the dangerous game of painting all teabaggers, conservatives, Pentagon Groupies or Nascar junkies with a broad brush, but does this not seem emblematic of sheer hypocrisy of the teabagger movement? I tend to lean towards this being the ultimate, comprehensive symbol of the Teabagger movement: 

• Complete misuse of the term "Marxism". I would think that the Federal Government (in this case, the Pentagon) withdrawing from funding a private enterprise (NASCAR) would be quite the opposite of Marxism/Socialism/Communism and all of it's perceived manifestations. 
• Overt racism. I don't really think I need to point out the obvious do I? I mean for Christ's sake, what the phuck does the Attorney General have to do with this? Other than being black? 
• So inherently Southern/Confederate/Red State. The FBI is investigating this (OK, by proxy Holder is involved AFTER the fact) and let's just say, I'll be 100% shocked if it's found that this fax originated in Vermont. 
• 100% absence of facts. There is a news clipping, followed by a series of slurs and insults. No mention of anything practical whatsoever. 
• No solution offered. Like every Teabagger demand or ideal, there's no inkling as to how to rectify the problem at hand, be it real (like Social Security) or imagined (Marxist N-Word Thugs and Rectum Sniffing Sluts trying to ruin your ability to watch cars go round and round). 

The same troglodytes who demand that we keep the government out of Medicare are now arguing that we keep our filthy government hands in our private sports associations. 

Without Question,

Troglodytes are enemies of the US Constitution!

Education to all Troglodytes! 

Foreign and Domestic!

Timberland List Thursday: 2/10/10

Another Super Bowl Sunday is in the books. It's usually the most bittersweet day on the calendar. We celebrate the culmination of another football season but mourn it's end. The minute the final whistle blows, we're as far away from more football than we can possibly be. To use a Christian analogy, it's like the mourning of Good Friday blended with the jubilation of Easter. Well, it would be, if Jesus was threatening to lock out all Christians if they didn't give him more money. Which I wouldn't put past him.

Anyway, because SBS is one of the defining events of the year, it's no surprise that it's inspired a couple of entries on this List. Surprisingly though, Christina Aguilera didn't make the List. Yeah, she F'ed up. I'm not defending her, quite the opposite, I don't care for her. But I'm not going to feed into this frenzy that she's some Anti-American flag-burning terrorist. Especially not when our President is a Muslim Socialist. 

#10. Ronald Reagan's Groupies. They're hard and wet because Sunday was the Gipper's 100th Birthday. Get over it. The dude pretty much is responsible for every pile of shit on America's plate. 

#9. Slash. Won't play with Axl. Will play with Fergie. Enough said. 

#8. Mark Sanchez. What's the age of consent in New York to lick somebody's feet? You're a 24 year old multi-millionaire quarterback in New York City. You can have any woman from the hottest 21 year old NYU Co-Ed to the most botoxed 45 year old Cougar on the Upper East side. Instead, you start a romantic relationship with a 17 year old highschooler. I'm going to paraphrase my buddy Doc, comparing this to Lawrence Taylor's most recent run in with the law: "LT is the old mutt you want to backhand when he drops a donk on the floor. Sanchez is like the cute puppy who gets a pass. But at the end of the day, shit is still shit."

#7. Starbucks. The never ending battle of Ed vs. Starbucks continues. I don't recognize your sizing scheme where small is tall and you have made up words for medium. Sometimes, the barista will simply oblige and fulfill my order without question. I appreciate that. What I have little tolerance for is when they either try and correct me (You mean Venti?) or repeat the order back to me using their lingo (One Tall Coffee). Don't lecture me on how to order a damn cup of coffee. Also, what's with this "Barista" nonsense? How come we didn't make up a word for the minimum wage employee who prepares a Whopper? And the tip jars. Jesus, the friggin tip jars. I asked you for a black coffee that I have to put my own sugar in, not a Long Island Iced Tea. 

#6. Donald Rumsfeld. The latest co-conspirator is on his make-nice tour, attempting to rewrite history. Along the way he made sure to praise Rush Limbaugh for being one of the only people willing to speak frankly about "Islamists". Note to those who seek pension reform: Maybe we can start by not giving pensions to war criminals? 

#5. Phillip Dennis. Speaking of "Islamists", the founder of the Texas Tea Party says not only does he have major problems with Islam as a religion, but he's not sure if Barack Obama is a Muslim or not. And in the greatest example of Tea Party Intelligence, within the same interview, chastised Obama for attending Jeremiah Wright's CHRISTIAN church.

#4. Jane Seymor. Why is it that every time the calendar calls for me to buy a gift for my wife or my mother, I'm inundated with your commercials for your gumball-machine jewelry inspired by your goddamn finger-painting projects? Also, who the hell are you? Does Kay Jewelers really think men between the ages of 25 and 55 are going to be inspired by "Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman"? Was nobody from "Falcon Crest" available?

#3. The Huffington Post/AOL Merger. First off, I didn't know AOL was still around. Second - can you think of an example where a major media merger went down and media content became MORE progressive? Me neither. 

#2. The Black Eyed Peas. Wow. What an abysmal half-time performance. As enjoyable as my facebook and twitter feeds were during their "show", nobody should ever have to sit through that type of visual and audio diarrhea. The robotic auto-tuning. The dancing snots. The vocal homicide of "Sweet Child O'Mine". The Tron-on-crack costumes. I know the NFL's responding to the backlash from last year's abysmal Who performance and how the world has been scarred by the image of Pete Townshend in skinny jeans with his 75 year old belly flab hanging out and all, but if you're trying to capture mass appeal to a younger audience, you can't do it in a way that's both "safe" AND "good".  

#1. Mississippi. You can keep telling me that my image of the South is off base and it's not 1963 anymore. I'll keep referencing stuff like this: 

JACKSON, Miss. – A fight is brewing in Mississippi over a proposal to issue specialty license plates honoring Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest, who was an early leader of the Ku Klux Klan.
The Mississippi Division of Sons of Confederate Veterans wants to sponsor a series of state-issued license plates to mark the 150th anniversary of the Civil War, which it calls the "War Between the States." The group proposes a different design each year between now and 2015, with Forrest slated for 2014.

In a Boy's Dream: The State of the Union

As I write this, I'm sure the President is hard at work, looking into a mirror and practicing thinking about the audience in their undergarments, trying to nail down his third State of the Union. I'm sure the speech will be everything the pundits and the people expect. There will be promises to work together, gentle scoldings about political discourse, the annual pledge to keep Social Security safe and the required "brave men and women in uniform" applause lines. There might be a surprise or two, but really, I fully expect this SOTU to look much like the last 2. Or the last 10, just a lot more intelligent. 

But I can dream, right? In a perfect world, wouldn't the State of the Union 2011 sound something like this?

Thank You. Thank You. Mr. Vice President, Speaker Boner, Members of Congress both old and -uggh-new, Supreme Corporate Justices, Feel-good-Barbara-Walters-story-in-the-making guests of the First Lady...the State of Our Union is Fucked. 

I was watching television Sunday Morning and the new House Majority Leader, Eric Cantor, while graciously  letting the public know that he "thinks" I'm a citizen, said it wasn't right to say those who think otherwise were "crazy". I believe Mr. Cantor said something along the lines of how it's simply not nice to call people crazy. While I'm sure that Manny Ramirez, Tom Cruise, and the folks who believe Jesus walked with dinosaurs appreciate the Majority leader's compassion, I had to ask myself, "Are you shitting me?" 

A little more than 2 years into my Presidency and you ignorant morons are still convinced I'm a Kenyan Born Muslim that spend the last 15 years of my life at the altar of a radical black separatist Christian reverend.

On top of all of that, you think I'm a Communist when my continual handouts to big business probably represent the biggest blow job in modern Presidential History. Yes Monica, even bigger than yours.

You people complain that I'm not tough enough on China when, after 8 years of your leadership, you fostered a financial environment conducive to China not only taking our jobs, but financing our mere existence, because as you know, wars don't pay for themselves. Neither do tax cuts. 

Speaking of wars, to our Brave Men and Women in Uniform (raucous applause), I'm sorry. Because I'm a Democrat, I have an uncontrollable urge to whip it out measure it. So I had to quadruple down on Afghanistan. 

Sure, I was nominated by the strongest grassroots effort in American electoral history by a bunch of educated people who believed that true national security comes in the form of energy independence and seeing to it that those in impoverished corners of the globe are fed, educated and working instead of working out sweetheart deals with their corrupt governments. 

While I agree with them in principle, the reality is too many powerful people in this country, along with an educationally-stunted-by-design majority of Americans just want to blow shit up. 

Since this is an official State of the Union Address, I'm required by the PATRIOT ACT to say the following phrase: September the Eleventh, Two Thousand One. We remember that horrible day like it was yesterday. For many of us, time has failed to heal those wounds. For those of you who answered the call that day, we care about your well-being. Just not as much as we do tax cuts for Bill Gates. 

We must never forget how we were savagely attacked by Saudi and Egyptian Nationals, and how we had no choice but to ensure that Iraq and Afghanistan got just what they deserved.

Almost a decade later, there's no end in sight to our misguided quest for revenge. Oh, and did I already mention these trillion-dollar adventures were funded by China? Even though a return to 2000's tax code would have both paid for these wars AND true health care reform?

Speaking of health care reform, much to the dismay of my party's base, I tried to listen to the opposition party and work together to find middle ground. While my proposal was not nearly as liberal as those of card-carrying Communists like Dwight Eisenhower and Richard Nixon, I thought basically copying and pasting the proposal of a moderate Socialist like Comrade Bob Dole would be a reasonable compromise. Boy was I wrong.

Never again will I underestimate the American People's desire to be a slave to an HMO. Never again will I argue against the fundamental Right To Deny Coverage Based On Pre-Existing Conditions. Upon further review of the Constitution, I now see what you're talking about: The government has absolutely no right to prevent a lunatic from owning a nuclear warhead, but how dare we say you must be insured.

While I'm in the habit of throwing in the towel, let's move to the environment. My opponent in the last election was an advocate of a cap and trade system. But that's a little too pinko radical for most of you. Especially those of you convinced that there is no climate crisis because Jesus loves the earth too much to let anything bad happen to it. So let's abandon those solar and windmill plants that not only create working class jobs, but also protect our environment AND have the added bonus of weening ourselves off of Al Qaeda's oil. Go back to buying Hummers. Class Dismissed. 

I'd like to think that this divergent opinion on how the nation should be governed was just the demented musings of an aging slice of the electorate, clinging to their outdated belief structure and unable to come to grips with the fact that their President is named Barack Hussein Obama. And maybe it is. But you know what? Those loony old white folks voted last November. The rest of you didn't.

So we turn the page to a new election cycle. Another 12 months of hearing how I'm a foreign national that worships at the altar of Marx and Lenin, while the fringe on the other side talks about Blood Libel. I could easily get the band back together, write up some pretty speeches and throw a brand new slogan about change or progress your way, but really, what's the point? Change isn't supposed to be easy, but you people want it to be. You don't have the stomach for this fight, I don't have the patience. So I will not be seeking re-election. Enjoy President Mama Grizzly. 

Thank You, Good night. And God will Bless America when America decides to stop acting like a petulant little bastard.

Attacking the Belly of the Beast?

Late last night (though most people would call 8:30 early) my phone vibrated and I got an emailed response to yesterday's posting "Not the Time For Kumbaya" (you can read it at the bottom). 

Not only am I more than gracious for the time the responder, Rich Cutrona, took to read the post, and the well thought out, articulate point of view he chose to take, I'm equally grateful for the light-bulb that he seemed to turn on in my head, and hopefully yours. Rich concludes with the following: 

However, because we live in America, I still have the ability to make a choice. I choose to fight with and for those who would fight for me. I choose ethics, social justice, and environmental responsibility. I will do everything within my power to aid in the creation of a left of center, progressive political party free from the shackles of corporate plutocracy. I will choose and vote Green. Never again will I sit back and be complicit in the lethal status quo…………………………. never again.

I'm not going to rehash the eternal battle that takes place between my heart (Green) and my head (Democrat). I registered as a Democrat on November 4, 2004 - the day after George W Bush beat John Kerry - who basically wrote the antithesis of another Democratic Massachusetts Senator and Presidential Candidate and called it "Profiles in Cowardice". My line of thinking was if I'm going to vote for this party, I'm going to have a say in this party. 

I'd be extremely generous if I were to say the results were mixed at best.

Moving away from that debate though, what Rich said struck a nerve. Sure, most of us on the political left would love a thoughtful, respectful, intelligent, diverse and socially conscious answer to the Tea Party: a united national network and a platform to air our grievances as one voice. Many of us thought we had that in 2008 but those we empowered squandered their political capitol faster than a gutter drunk at a blackjack table.

Too fast too soon? Maybe. A true Green Grassroots effort has always seemed like it's been percolating near the surface of the political establishment but utterly incapable of breaking through into the mainstream. I'm starting to think that the ultimate failures are a result of misplaced ambition. Simply put: We're a bunch of Junior Varsity Quarterbacks attempting to make the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Be it Ned Lamont defeating - then losing to - Joe Lieberman in Connecticut, or the near upset of Blanche Lincoln in a useless attempt to retain the Arkansas Senate seat in a toxic environment (or even Ralph Nader's eternal quest for 3% of the presidential vote), we're bypassing the foundation: The House of Representatives.

Using the Tea Party as a top-of-the-head example: they carried the GOPricks to an overwhelming House Majority, yet in turn, thanks to batshit crazy lunatics like Christine O'Donnell and Sharon Angle, cost the Republicans what should have been a Senate Majority. (To say nothing of the scorn and unreliability they now face with Lisa Murkowski in Alaska).

I don't have the numbers in front of me, but a substantial number of Senators got their start in the House of Representatives. By design, a House seat is extremely easier to pick off from an incumbent than a Senate seat. The past few electoral cycles alone have seen double digit swings in seats for both parties. It's much more volatile.

Furthermore - and this is where Rich's words truly resonated - where better to launch the offensive than in conservative districts of blue states? I'll point directly to my home district: New Jersey's 5th. Represented by the uber right wing warrior Scott Garrett, who never misses the opportunity to provide verbal and financial fellatio to the banks, gun nuts, pro-lifers and the rest of the Republican establishment.  

Granted, the NJ-5 is tailor made for Republican control. The extreme wealth of Upper Bergen County meets the Hunters Guild and Bitter White Man brigade of Sussex County and throw in all of the Rapture-anticipating Warren County and it's pretty safe to say Barry Goldwater's urn could take this Seat with 60% of the vote. 

Except it can't. In his first four elections, Garrett teetered between 55% - 59% of the vote. Impressive indeed. He hit 65% of the vote in this past election, the overwhelming Republican wave. But look a little deeper. In midterm years, he recorded 118,881 (2002), 112,11242 (2006), and 119,478 this year, 2010. All while running against completely unqualified, rather conservative and absolutely unfunded Democratic competition. I voted against Garrett in the three elections that I lived in the district and still had to look up the names of the people I voted for.

Yet this collection of misfits and losers managed to crack 40% in all but 2002. It's a seat that the GOP takes for granted and with good reason: the Democrats have completely abandoned it. Would this not be the place to start? Would a seemingly comfortable congressman like Garrett be much more inclined to be caught off guard than a Republican in a 50/50 district that forces both he or she and the Democratic candidate to run to the middle to the point of being indistinguishable?  

It's extremely Pollyanna to believe somebody like Bernie Sanders could win in NJ's 5th. Until you compare the demographics of Vermont to those of Northwest NJ. 

I do NOT believe that this is a question of "How?" 

It's a matter of "Who?"

Not the time for Kumbaya.

You knew it was going to come to this, didn't you? In the aftermath of the terrorist attack in Tucson that left six Americans dead and thirteen injured, the pleas are coming in by the boatload for everyone to "work together" and "respect our differences" and a whole grab bag full of platitudes that would make Rodney King blush.

What the mainstream media and a sizable majority of those who've chimed in on various social networks are yet to either realize (or lack the courage to admit) is that this is not like 9/11, or Hurricane Katrina, or the Haitian Earthquake or any other tragic event that required humanity to rise to the occasion. Not in the least.

We still don't know all of the details about what accused terrorist Jared Loughner had going in on his obviously twisted head. We're not privy to whatever sick inspirations took hold of him and forced him to act as he did. But what we do know is that Tea-Party inspired violence, both threatened and carried out, has been escalating sharply over the last two years, in the aftermath of the election of a black man with an Arabic name who has the audacity to prohibit Big Insurance from denying health-care coverage based on preexisting conditions.

If you want an actual, chronological rundown of the insanity, you can find two very comprehensive ones here and here. But if you've been paying even the slightest bit of attention for the last 20 months or so, you don't need a rundown in front of you to know exactly what I'm talking about. 

Is there any doubt in your mind that the Sarah Palins and Michelle Bachmans and Jim DeMints and Glen Becks of the world weren't pissing their pants in anxiety waiting for a connection between Loughner and a formal Tea Party organization? Be honest - what was your first reaction when you heard the news? I know mine. I texted my family "Tea Party shot a Congresswoman (D-WA)". And you know what? I ain't going to apologize for making such a claim. Even if Rush Limbaugh didn't specifically pull the trigger. 

Loughner may not have been a died-in-the wool Tea Party activist (after all, he was at one point intelligent enough to be admitted to community college, and he's too young for adult diapers) but make no mistake - it was the Tea Party's demonizing of the institution of Congress that made Gabrielle Giffords a viable target for his rage.

This is why these phony calls for "tolerance" and "working together" are an insult to everybody who never advocated bringing a loaded weapon to events where the President of the United States was speaking. If I steal my neighbor's car and he calls the police on me, should my defense be "Well I guess we need to learn how to be better neighbors?" 

Make no mistake about it: The vitriol from the Left for George W Bush was just as bad as the Right's for Barack Obama. I actually saw a bumper sticker on some yokel's pickup that made me laugh not that long ago: "I'll Treat Your President with the Same Respect You Treated Mine". That's fair. I'm not going to stoop to the level of the Iraqi babykilling yellow ribbon crowd and throw a faux "Love it or Leave It!" in their faces. I don't expect everyone in America to share my beliefs and I would never deny somebody their birthright to be pissed off at the state of the world.

But can you point me in the direction of those Republican Congressional Headquarters that were vandalized during the Iraq debate? 

Can you let me hear the voicemails that called Colin Powell a "filthy N-Word" when he committed the second major war crime in his life? 

Do you have footage of any liberals acting like Ritalin-deprived bipolar kindergartners throwing hissy fits at Tom DeLay's town hall meetings? 

The sentiments may be the same but the threat level is greatly different. I'm surprised it took this long for the violence to escalate to this point. Anybody who begs and pleads for more tolerance in our political discourse is not doing anybody any favors. Say what you want about Obama and the Democrats - they're soft, spineless, timid - I've said it all - you can't call them dangerous, threatening or violent. 

Violence and Hatred is not a bipartisan problem and should not be treated as such until liberals start opening fire on the Tea Party. Now is not the time for bipartisan come-together-lovie-dovie bullshit. It's time for the conservatives to start acting like mature, civilized, decent human beings.