Nuts in the Can

Some politicians will love to tell you how if you want to connect with "Real" Americans, you should go to the Diner or some local neighborhood dive bar (you know, where white people hang out). Me? I like bathrooms. Albeit this isn't scientific, and it cuts out 50% of the population (because when I accidentally end up in a Ladies Room I keep to myself, avoid eye contact and get the hell out ASAP), but then again, politically reasoning with women under fifty is rarely a problem.  

Last Friday night I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of a very close friend of 16 years, and his beautiful bride. It was really like anything I had ever seen. The wedding hall itself was top of the line. The food was out of this world. To call the drink selection "Top-Shelf" would be doing it is a disservice. I mean, Johnny Walker Blue at a wedding? Unheard of.

What's not unheard of though, is my penchant for talking politics from time to time. An overwhelming majority of the time, I'm the asshole that seeks out the fight. But I have to be honest, that hasn't been happening too often over the last few years. In fact, after Hurricane Katrina, I could probably count the number of legitimate, person-to-person, Left vs. Right debates I've had on one hand. Partially because of my concerted efforts to avoid spending time talking to Bush loving troglodytes, but more so because of the simple truths that we hold self-evident: Unless you were living under a rock for the last five years, you've seen the manifestation of Republicanism in all it's many forms. Be it the economy, the wars, or just sheer competence. If you don't want to sound like an idiot, you're not going to defend any of this.

But then again, there's the fact that we now have a black President. That still doesn't sit well with some people. Which brings me back to this fabulous wedding that took place in one of New Jersey's bluest counties. 

Long after I had my Don Draper going on, but before I completely devolved into Charlie Sheen, the Makers Mark Manhattans began to do a number on the bladder so it was off to the cavernous and elegant bathroom (which had a sitting area that I'm still not sure what purpose it served). As I was minding my own business (as always in such a situation) hunched up against the urinal, over my back I hear a lisping jackass berating the bathroom attendant. 

Paraphrasing the simpleton, "Really, Obama? Hasn't he taxed you enough? Cause he sure has taxed me enough with his socialism". 

As I was washing my hands I kindly asked the jackass how exactly Obama was a socialist. His answer, straight from the Glen Beck school of rationale: "He wants the government to control everything". 

I noted that Obama, while, not in the Senate at the time, stated he disagreed with the PATRIOT Act specifically for that reason. His response, to no surprise, "Health Care".

So I took my deep breath and pointed out that the Health Care Reform bill was the biggest handjob ever given to private industry, opening existing insurance companies to a whole new demographic of customers, and my personal objection was that it in no way shape or form was it Socialist enough.

To which he defaulted to "What about the taxes". I pointed out that taxes for all people - except those below the poverty line ironically - are at the lowest point in history since the dawn of the Income Tax. He added that Obama wanted to raise them. 

The guppy took the bait. 

When I asked what levels he wanted to raise them to, he said "All the way back to Bill Clinton's levels". I didn't even bother to go into how prosperous the country was under Clinton, I just decided to go right for the money shot and opined "So you'd prefer he went back to Reagan for individual taxes". He agreed completely. That's when I pointed out that Bill Clinton actually lowered individual income tax from Reagan levels, and we had a booming middle class, unlike any we had seen in the previous 35 years at the time. 

Dumbfounded, he simply told me I was lying. 

And that my friends, is how a drunken bathroom conversation can serve as a microcosm of society. It exemplifies the difficulties that reasonable people have in conversing with uneducated, bigoted zealots who rely solely on the Faux News demagogues and how their propaganda continues to ensure electoral victories for these modern day Reaganites, who couldn't give a flying you-know-what about middle class struggles, yet rely almost exclusively on those middle class struggles to keep them in, or return them to office.  

I wish I had a solution to offer, and I'm all ears if you've got one. But time and time again, I find myself in these uphill struggles to argue reason against ideology.

I miss the days of being called unpatriotic cause I didn't support Bush's bullshit war. At least then, those dolts could hang their hat on someday finding WMD. 

Now, they got nothing. But these birds you can not change.

Grateful (He's) Dead

Sure, the entire global economic and cultural security happens to be at stake in the Middle East at the moment, but that hasn't quite stopped the mainstream media from gushing over this weekend's "100th Birthday" of Ronald Wilson Reagan. When he passed away in the middle of the 2004 Presidential Election, no major media outlet passed up the opportunity to canonize St. Ronnie and thank him endlessly for fluffy insignificant accolades about "restoring America's Confidence" and "Tearing Down the Wall". Let's set aside the fact that both bestowals are not only grossly exaggerated but factually misguided. Despite horrific evidence around us to the contrary, the general reputation and perception of the man was whitewashed to nearly unfathomable degrees then - and with that evidence strengthened one-hundred-fold in the past 7 years - it's being done so once again. 

I don't have the time, patience or desire (at the moment) to craft the necessary thousand-page indictment of what Ronald Reagan did to the country, let alone the planet. Fortunately, the abridged version is just as compelling. To speak bluntly: Just about every crisis we've dealt with in the last 10 years is Reagan's chickens coming home to roost. 

From a fiscal point of view, the basic premise of Reaganomics was lower taxes and looser financial regulations. Theoretically government spending reduction was supposed to be a key pillar of the plan but the Military Industrial Complex begs to differ. You know what? It all sounds dandy and responsible in theory, but in sheer practicality, the rich have never been richer, and the rest of us haven't budged. Working class dollars don't go nearly as far as they used to, while the upper tax brackets - who've never paid as little in taxes as they do now - have never been so prosperous. 

This doesn't even take into account his firing the first salvo in the ongoing war against union workers that continues to this day. 

A return to pre-Reagan tax codes would do wonders to our budget deficit, but you'll never hear a teabagger say that. Hell no, they'd rather just make grandma eat 9 Lives. 

And how did that banking de-regulation work out? 

Socially, Ronald Reagan makes Rick Santorum look like Harvey Milk. His blatant disregard (or if you prefer, criminal negligence) for the gay community and inner city "welfare queens" as he called them allowed both the AIDS and crack-cocaine epidemics spread like bedbugs in a brothel. 1985 wasn't 1685. We had the capabilities and resources at our disposal to educate and combat these societal plagues, but ol' Ronny thought it was much more important to send his wife out there to lecture white kids on smoking pot instead.

Oh, yeah, the Cold War. While we were engaged in a global game of Monopoly with the "Evil Empire", the Soviets found themselves knee-deep in their own Vietnam, in a lovely little paradise known as Afghanistan. I think you heard of it. The Reagan Administration Policy? Arm Afghan militants to the teeth, educate them in guerrilla warfare, and then abandon them when all was said and done so they could continue living in the Stone Age with a massive power vacuum. That vacuum? Filled by the Taliban. Those guerrillas? The eventual Al Qaeda. One Republican's Guerrilla is another Republican's Terrorist I guess. 

But hey, would you expect any less from the men who sold Weapons of Mass Destruction to Saddam Hussein?

I'd also be remiss to point out that his Executive Order slashing foreign aid to third world countries that provide or push any form of birth control has not only increased the already horrific poverty they live in, but allowed diseases such as AIDS to completely ravage indigenous regions across the southern hemisphere.

So forgive me if I refuse to get caught up in the hoopla of the Gipper's Birthday, or conveniently sweep the overwhelming evidence of his fuckupedness under the rug. I know no President is perfect. FDR interred Japanese in concentration camps. Nixon was a crook. But we don't have internment camps anymore and Watergate was actually one of the better incidents in recent Presidential history, leading not only to Nixon's resignation, but tighter oversight of elected officials and campaign finance. (Well, it did until Reagan appointees like Antonin Scalia and Reagan staffers like John Roberts said "No".) To this day, we're still swimming with our heads barely above water in Reagan's cesspool. 

Gloss over these atrocities all you want in the name of decency and respect. But don't piss on my face and tell me it's raining. 

Five For Friday 2/12/10

And the Wheel of Topics stops on………..Politics. Happy Valentine’s Day



FIVE PEOPLE I’M GLAD WE DON’T HAVE TO HEAR FROM ANYMORE
5. Tony Snow. It’s a shame when someone doesn’t see their 60th birthday and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But when you spent what turned out to be your last decade on earth as a Fox News host AND White House Press Secretary for the Bush Administration, consider it Karmic Justice.
4. Strom Thurmond. Segregationist. With illegitimate black children. Yet consistently sent back to the Senate for half a decade. We totally mismanaged Reconstruction.
3. Jerry Falwell. Evangelical that blamed 9/11 on gays. And people continued to send him money. And people still pay to send their children his Madrasah known as “Liberty University”. Baffling.
2. Timothy McVeigh. Follow this train of thought: Tea Baggers think the President’s soft on terrorism. Timmy McV was the original Tea Bagger. I wonder if this dichotomy was discussed at the $500 per ticket convention for average folks.
1. Ronald Reagan. Every major problem of 2010: Terrorism emanating from Afghanistan, the lack of workers’ protections, the greatest disparity of wealth in history, and the lack of financial safeguards and regulations can be traced back to this shitbag. Yet anti-gay conservatives are so unbelievably gay for him. His chickens all came home to roost over the last 10 years and lucky for us, we get to see Reaganism in all it’s glory manifested in this shitstorm we call Life On Earth 2010.

FOUR PEOPLE WE UNFORTUNATELY DO HEAR FROM
4. Sean Hannity. I don’t care about demagogues like Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh. They only reach a small, bitter, aging, angry, lilywhite portion of the population. What’s dangerous about Hannity is that people think he’s a middle of the road analyst who tells it like it is, when the reality is he’s squarely in the Beck/Limbaugh/Savage/Goebbels camp.
3. Sarah Palin. I have a love/hate relationship with Misses Reproduce Like Rabbits and Pass That Core Family Value On To My Daughter. On one hand, I despise every sentence uttered from that vast open space between her ears. On the other, despite the fact that Bushie got “elected” twice, I can’t possibly see America voting for someone that fucking dumb so having her in a prominent position within the GOP is probably good for America.
2. Tim Tebow. I’m pretty much convinced he’s a Jihadist. I think Homeland Security needs to be on alert the first time he travels to play in San Francisco, New York or Seattle this upcoming season.
1. Joe Lieberman. Self-serving prick. Nothing left to say.


THREE SIMPLE QUESTIONS I’VE ASKED MANY TIMES THAT STILL HAVE NOT BEEN ANSWERED INTELLIGENTLY
3. How Does Same-Sex Marriage Threaten The Institution of Marriage Itself? Seriously? Is everyone going to divorce their spouse and go marry someone of the same gender? Honestly, can somebody PLEASE answer this w/o referring to God or Scripture?
2. What “Freedoms” Do “They” Hate Us For? Dubya uttered this bullshit about 4 hours after the attacks and people just took him at his word (No need to examine the track record of “His Word” is there?). But nobody’s quite translated this into something that people who can read at the 4th Grade Level or better can understand. Do they not like that we can choose between Coke and Pepsi? Does our freedom to petition our government in a chain-link-fenced in “Free Speech Zone” piss them off so much that they had to commit an act of war?
1. How, Over The Span of One Lifetime, Do You Go From Nazi Labor Camp Guard To Pope? From guardian of the Third Reich to Successor of Saint Peter. Amazing. What’s more amazing is how many people just shrug it off, especially considering that he signed up long after it was compulsory. Next time you hear a rags-to-riches story and some hillbilly inevitably says “Only in America”, you say “Nah-ah. Did you know that in the Vatican you can go from decorated Nazi to Jesus’ earthly representative?”


TWO TRAITS I’VE NOTICED IN GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE THAT SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME:


2. He Was Once A US Attorney
1. He Has A Slight Lisp
How long until we find out that he once married his cousin and likes to dress in drag? The minute he tells you to “Walk North” you should run for the hills instead.

ONE PERSON WHO I’LL DEFEND EVEN IF I’M THE LAST ONE TO DO SO
1. Nancy Pelosi. Forget about the criticisms from the far right, as noted they’re old and decaying and for the most part, will be dead soon. But the Left is (understandably) mad as hell about the inaction in DC. I am too. However, like 5% of the nation, I know how government works. I know the difference between a Speaker of the House and Senate Majority Leader (Cough: And President). Anything the Prez asked for from the House, Speaker Pelosi’s delivered: Stimulus, Jobs, Cap’n Trade, and of course, Health Care. Despite being demonized and caricaturized, she keeps fuckin’ that chicken and providing results.


The problem lies in the Senate where Harry Reid can’t get 2 Democrats to order a seltzer with lime without them both asking “What’s in it for me?” Likewise, the White House has done a miserable job in strong-arming said senate democrats. But leave the Speaker out of this. She’s passed everything that we elected a majority to pass, and as an added bonus, those bigots and misogynists known as Tea Baggers have to not only deal with a black president, but a female Speaker of the House. From San Francisco!

Pussies "R" Us

Surprised that a Republican nude model won Teddy Kennedy’s seat? A seat that hasn’t been held by a Republican since Henry Cabot Lodge? Don’t be. Nobody’s better at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory better than the Democrats, and a simple look at the scorecard just verifies it:

US v. THEM

THEM: They impeached a sitting President over a fucking blowjob. The most basic of simple human pleasures.
US: We won’t even investigate a former Vice President’s confirmed role in torture, a role that he’s pretty much broadcast over every major media outlet.


THEM: They were sitting in office for the worst terrorist attack on American soil in history and act like they’re the only ones capable of defending the country, even though they stalled the formation of a Homeland Security Department 5 years prior to 9/11.
US: One crazy radical with bombs in his underwear gets disarmed in flight and we allow ourselves to be portrayed as incapable and defenseless, by no less of a fraudulent expert than Rudy “The Crossdresser” Giuliani, he who decided an Emergency Response Center should be stationed in the WTC.


US: We have Dick Durban tearfully apologizing for comparing Guantanamo Bay and Abu Graihb to “Gulags”
THEM: They attend raucous rallies where claims are made that the Commander In Chief of the Armed Forces is a “Foreign Born Muslim Operative”.


THEM: Won’t think twice about launching a war, clearly without any absence of fact, logic or preparation.
US: Will pout as we both vote to authorize it, and worse, continue to execute it while we have the authority to end it.


THEM: They literally hold hands with the Saudi Royal Family and allow the bin Laden family to fly around the country while all flights are grounded on 9/11. Despite allegedly knowing that 16 of the 19 hijackers were Saudi nationals.
US: We take it on the chin while they accuse us of attending to Haiti’s needs in time of crisis because “Haitians are brown”.


I can go on and on but what’s the point. Until Democrats stand up for core Democratic values like equal treatment for all, a fair playing ground, consumer protection, reasonable and rational defense and foreign policy and basic worker protections, they’re going to continue to lose elections.


They can’t frame an argument to save their lives and they have no friggin backbone. Health care’s a perfect example. Who gives a flying you-know-what what the insurance industry wants? Come up with your plan and muscle it through, use reconciliation if you must. But instead, they decided to give everyone a tug-job to the point where nobody: left, right or center wants this plan.


Is there hope that the tide will turn? I guess there always is. Look no further than the economic and poll numbers of both Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton after one year in office. Reagan, as despicable as it was, still managed to push his agenda through with little resistance from the opposition that happened to control both chambers of congress. For some reason he was a renowned speaker and his team used this to forge a mandate.


Clinton, after taking hard midterm losses, became decidedly more centrist, practiced triangulation on everything down to what type of coffee would be served at congressional leadership meetings, and while many results were positive, he still ended up in front of a camcorder during a deposition.


Did record numbers of voters go to the polls last November to elect a boring, middle of the road triangulator like Bill Clinton? Hell no. We had that choice in the primary and we kicked her to the curb. You were elected to be transformative Mr. President, and somehow you let the Republicans (who broke this fucking world) relate more to the middle class than your own party. It's time to take a page from their playbook and raise hell, fuck the facts and get shit done.