Tuesday, March 13, 2012

DMB MARCH MADNESS 2012

The Whiskey Tree is coming out of semi-retirement because (A) March is awesome and (B) Dave Matthews Band is hitting the road again this year. Combine the best of both and you get DMB MADNESS 2012. 

Rules are simple. Just vote in each region. Check back here or on twitter or FB (links to the right) to see who advances and when the next rounds begin.




Happy March! 

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

My Quasi-Retirement from The Whiskey Tree

I haven't really written anything on this page for quite some time now, after a rather ferocious start to this year. The reason hasn't been laziness or writers' block, or boredom. While my personal life has been a little hectic to say the least, and although 2011 has easily been the most challenging year of my life, it was another opportunity that kind of weened me off of my somewhat regular postings here.

Back in the Spring, I was approached by an old, dear friend - and brilliant mind - about being a part of something that I grew to believe can be something very special: At Hand Magazine. The mission statement of At Hand is simple but poignant: 
AT HAND magazine is a catalyst for increased political action. It was created to combat civic and social indifference in America. This publication picks up where the rhetoric leaves off. You must be heard!
 Simply put: I couldn't resist.

Because I believe in this publication's foundations, because I share in the vision my fellow contributors, I owe it to them, to the magazine, and to myself to devote any writings of political import to At Hand exclusively for the time being.

I don't consider myself to be that talented a writer where I can declare that my work only be carried by one institution or on a specific medium or platform. Quite the contrary. I'm only pleased with about 10% of my writing, and I owe it to Team At Hand to make sure that the 10% I approve of is the 10% they get.

And while this hardly Politico or even Fat Chicks in Party Hats, the page has gotten a few dozen FB likes, a couple thousand hits and some appreciated feedback. You took the time to check me out, the least I can do is remind you that I did and explain why I disappeared.

I'm keeping The Whiskey Tree live for the foreseeable future because aside from sociopolitical happenings, I do enjoy mindless rants about sports, beer, music, television and other aspects of this Great Experiment we call America. I can't promise there will be any regularity, but hey, you never know.

In the mean time, it would mean a lot to me if you would take the time to check out At Hand - our next issue is set to print later this month. And please, Like Us and Follow Us.

Thanks for everything,
Ed

Monday, May 2, 2011

Relax. Barack's Got This.

We interrupt this disgustingly useless news cycle about Fairytale Weddings, Child Molestation Enabling Saints and Presidential Campaigns by Bankrupted Reality Television Hosts to bring you some news that actually matters: Osama bin Laden is dead. And no, he wasn't found in Iraq.

I'm not one to get wrapped up in the flag or get all wet at the sound of Toby Keith. I've also never bought into any of America's  recent boogeymen, be it Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, Mullah Omar or Trans Fats. All they do is serve to cheapen the dialogue and debate. Osama bin Laden's death does not restore all that is right in the world, and if you knew on September 12th that he'd live another 9.5 years later, you'd probably be pretty damn pissed.

What the operation has proved however - and this clearly isn't the first time - is that the grown ups are in charge now.

During the Presidential campaigns - both Primary and General - Barack Obama was resolute in stating that should unmistakable intelligence arise that Bin Laden was in Pakistan, he'd go right in and take him out. First he was killed by Hillary Clinton, John Edwards (remember him?) and Chris Dodd. Then he was killed by John McCain - who also said he'd walk through the gates of hell to get him.   

Not a peep of criticism for the action from any of them today.

We suffered through 8 years of George Bush's cowboy talk. We were going to get Osama "Dead or Alive". We were going to "smoke'em out of their holes". Allegedly we had him trapped in the mountains of Afghanistan, but then we decided "Fuck it, let's go get Saddam". 

We watched President Bush  mock the inability to find those WMD during a photo slideshow at the White House Correspondents dinner. We watched President Bush tell Mike Brown he was doing "A heckuva job" as New Orleans drowned. We watched him walk hand-in-hand with Saudi Royalty as gas prices rose. We watched Dick Cheney out CIA agents who disagreed with his assertions about the WMD, then watched President Bush pardon the man found guilty of the leak.

We watched a draft dodger paint a war hero as a coward. We watched rednecks burn Dixie Chick records. We saw the Senate have an emergency session to intervene in the case of a woman suffering through a 2 decade coma. Bush's press secretary said we need to "watch what we say". We had the "Terror Threat Level" raised right after the 2004 Democratic National Convention. We had to deal with Rudy Giuliani. Oh, and despite all of this, we saw the global economy crumble. 

I have many disagreements with President Obama. Primarily because he's not anything like the monster that his detractors claim. He's not socialist enough. He tries too hard to work with his opponents. He's too pro-business.

Sometimes I think liberals like myself try to make Obama into something he's not. He never campaigned on Single Payer health care. He promised to escalate the action in Afghanistan. He made a pledge to work together in a bipartisan factor. Is it his fault for not being Che Guevara? Or our fault for falsely expecting him to be?

Most refreshingly, Obama doesn't resort lowbrow tactics to get the job done. I heard more times than I can count that I was "hurting the troops" when I criticized the President, but you don't hear that emanating from the left these days. Nobody's telling the Teabaggers to "Love it Or Leave It". 

Dan Rather lost his job for reporting on the shadiness involving Bush's records from his days in the Texas Air National Guard - a unit reserved for the sons of Texas' richest to avoid service in Vietnam. Yet every news organization under the sun openly reports on Obama's fucking birth certificate.

The goal posts are continually moved back for this guy. Some of it is from the left. But most of it is from the main stream. If George Bush saved the American Auto Industry from extinction, prevented a Recession from a Depression, enacted  Bob Dole's healthcare reform and by the way, captured the most wanted man in history, we wouldn't be asking for his Birth Certificate. We'd be trying to repeal the 22nd Amendment to make him president for life.

I told a friend earlier today that I don't want to get into the dangerous territory of using Bush as a point of comparison. That's setting a bar too low to be effective. But for all the times I bitch about what Obama isn't politically, I need to take time to appreciate something else that he's not: A petty childish pissant.

George Bush was great at talking the talk. Barack Obama's more than content to simply walk the walk. Just ask Bin Laden.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

90 For 90s: #70 - #61

Got some heavy hitters lined up for this volume. And for those new to the Rave: 


#70. HEY JEALOUSY, Gin Blossoms. There's two types of people in this world: Those who admit they love "Hey Jealousy", and those who lie about it. Though these guys must have watched a lot more "Dukes of Hazzard" than "COPS" if they their idea of fun is being chased around by the fuzz.

#69. UNDONE (THE SWEATER SONG), Weezer. All these years later and I still can't give a straight answer to the simple question: Do you like Weezer? For nostalgic purposes, they're awesome. And I'll put "Blue Album" up there among the best of the 90s. But there's still something about them that rubs me the wrong way and I can't put my finger on it.

#68. WOULD, Alice In Chains. Still can't believe 2 guys from this recording are dead. I like too many dead musicians. Can't help but be reminded of "Singles" when I hear this though - which in my opinion just might be the defining movie of the 90s. Touch Me, I'm Dick.

#67. HYPNOTIZE, The Notorious B.I.G.. I told you. This list is embarrassingly white. But I'm not apologizing, cause I've been smooth since days of underoos.

#66. LIGHTENING CRASHES, Live. If you're old enough to remember, this song became a defacto memorial hymn for the Oklahoma City Bombing back in the Spring of '95. At that point, it was the worst terrorist attack on American Soil. Carried out by angry white veterans who hate that government existed. Today, we call those people the Tea Party, and we let them control our government. Them 1 - Civilized Society 0. Ironically, it did not unleash a wave of anti-white, Christian rural hysteria. Oh, and nobody seemed to mind that the perpetrators were tried, convicted and sentenced (to death) in the US Federal Court System.

#65. SHINE, Collective Soul. Fitting that it slots in here, because I always confuse Collective Soul with Live. That's not a compliment to either.

#64. 3 AM, Matchbox 20. And the unintentional comedy scale explodes as you find out this song was written by Rob Thomas for his mother. Reminds me of an interview for the release of the Matchbox 20 album "Exile on Main Stream" where poor Rob complained about how he was marketed wrong. Riiiiight. Because deep down, you know this pretty boy is the second coming of Jim Morrison.

#63. BLAZE OF GLORY, Jon Bon Jovi.I remember how panicked I got when I saw JBJ was releasing a solo album. Was the Band Done? Thankfully no. They were just understanding of Jon's inexplicable cowboy fetish that they didn't object to his leave of absence to role play as John Wayne in aqua net for a while.

#62. HAND ON THE PUMP, Cypress Hill. Man I thought I was so gangsta when I asked my mommy to put this in my stocking for Christmas 1992. I love the reasoning behind the tune though. You can't understand how easy it is for me to kill someone, so I shall explain it in song.

#62. LOSER, Beck. Ever hear that saying "So underrated it's overrated"? Pretty sure that was invented solely for Beck. But this is an iconic mid-90s track, there's no doubt about it. The premise alone: I'm so f*cking uncool that I'm the coolest bad ass you know.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The King's Speech

Horrible, shocking and disgusting news out of Staten Island: 

NEW YORK - A 13-year-old girl has been arrested on hate crime charges and is accused of helping bully and attack a Muslim girl at their New York City school.
The girl is being charged as a juvenile, along with a 12-year-old boy who was arrested last week. She is charged with third-degree assault as a hate crime and attempted robbery. She is due in Family Court Tuesday.
Authorities say the two bullied and tormented a 13-year-old Muslim girl at the Staten Island school, calling her a "terrorist" and trying to steal from her.
(full story
You can call it coincidence if you so chose, but this comes less than a month after NY Congressman Peter King held his McCarthyesque hearings on "Islam and Terrorism" on Capitol Hill. And maybe it is a coincidence. Just like Congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford's attempted assassination was in no way, shape, or form linked to the "Lock 'N Load" language and imagery of the Tea Party.

The Dixie Chicks speak for tens of millions of Americans and say they're embarrassed by George Bush, and what ensues is a big old fashioned German-style CD burning party. Because you know, saying that some bumbling idiot who's broken the world is an "embrassment" is somehow dangerous rhetoric. 

But when the extreme right pops off about Muslims or throws a marksman's target over a Congresswoman's home district on a map, and then violence ensues, we need to watch what we say about where we point our fingers. Don't blame a collective of nutjobs for the action of one lone nutjob. 

I'm not saying speech should be curtailed. I was appalled when that little ass-tick Ari Fleischer said some Americans need to watch what they say during wartime. Free speech knows no few boundaries as far as I'm concerned.

What I am saying though, is educate your friends, relatives and neighbors on who these people are. They ARE hateful. They ARE spiteful. They ARE batshit crazy. They ARE dangerous. Not in speech, but in practice.

Snookered

I rarely use the old "I'm a taxpayer and I'm appalled that you're spending my money on ______" argument. I'm basically resigned to the fact that my money's going to fund bullshit for the most part. Foolish wars, frat boys and other losers molesting Iraqi inmates to get their rocks off, corn subsidies, state dinners for medieval relic European royals - all of it funded by you and me in some way, shape or form.

But sometimes you just have to draw the line, and I'm drawing it right now in my wonderful state of New Jersey, after it's come to light that Rutgers University - THE State University of New Jersey - paid the Jersey Shore's "Snooki" $32,000 to "speak" to "students" recently. 

In the most prosperous of times, there would be no place for this talentless, pathetic devolved fluorescent penguin to be collecting speaking fees from an institution of higher learning. In 2011 when education is under a direct, targeted assault by the governor, every single penny is being squeezed out of the middle class, and it's been harder than ever for them since the end of WWII to send their children to college, the fact that this is how Rutgers University would chose to spend $32,000 falls somewhere between insulting and criminally negligent.

Nobel and Pulitzer Prize Winner Toni Morrison is scheduled to earn $30,000 for her upcoming commencement address. Who's coming up with this scale of compensation? The board at JP Morgan Chase? 

Higher Education in New Jersey has been taking a beating from Trenton for two decades now. A global recession just makes it easier for the Republicans to sell the cuts. But this is the world we live in, where teachers and firefighters caused a worldwide financial meltdown and the Wall Street execs are partying so hard Gordon Gecko's blushing. To paraphrase Don Rumsfeld - You get the budget you have, not the budget you want. Fact of the matter is, Rutger's state aid was slashed roughly 15% for fiscal year 2010-11 and it's proposed to remain at that level this year. Tuition up 5%. Housing more than that. Meal plans more than that.

Within these fiscal confines, there is absolutely no possible justification for that trampy Oompa-Loompa to be commanding that much money from a State University. The actual money itself came from some "event fund" that draws some loot off of every tuition bill paid by every student. Discretionary or not, it's still a check being signed by the State University of New Jersey.

The school fought back against the criticism by saying something to the effect of "It's who the students want to see". Well frankly, that's the students' problem and it's your job as a university to possibly enlighten them to aspects of culture beyond such filth.

I'm sure a similar plurality of students "want to see" nickel beer night at the cafeteria and maybe a medical marijuana dispensary at the infirmary. And frankly, a night of both would easily cost less than $32,000.

The 2nd and 3rd highest paid adjunct professors at RU combined don't make $32,000 per year. If say, an adjunct professor is teaching 2 classes per semester, and there's 2 semesters in a year, that's 8 college courses that could have been taught instead of paying Snooki to teach students that "When you're tan, you feel better about yourself".

On a larger scale, sure, we're all to blame here for making celebrities out of these douchebags, dingleberries and dickheads. I get that. I take no responsibility for myself but do for my state. It's eerily reminiscent when I traveled abroad in 2003 and felt compelled to apologize for George Bush, even though I never once entertained the idea of voting for him, nor did I support any of his endeavors beyond the "No Call List". So yeah, by extension, it's got to be pretty hard for a lot of people to tune in every Whateverday Night to MTV and watch the trainwreck, then get upset that young people want to see society's afterbirth speak live at their school. 

But that doesn't make it right or acceptable. Even if I'd love to hear her insight on what it means to leave Rutgers Cum Laude.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Standing at the Altar of Greatness: Yankee Legends

My friends, Happy Opening Day! So begins another big season in the Bronx, despite what many experts may be saying. And even non-experts - my head keeps telling me it's going to be a Boston-Philly World Series. But make no mistake - my heart says as loud and as clear as possible: Mission 28 Will Be Accomplished.

Beyond the annual expectations of a Halloween Champagne Shower, we've got something else to look forward to in the coming six months: Three Thousand, followed by Six Hundred. Somewhere between Memorial Day and Father's Day, the Captain, Shortstop, Number 2, will become the first man ever to record 3,000 hits in pinstripes. Not Lou Gehrig. Not Joe D. Derek Jeter.

And if all goes well, somewhere in mid to late September, The Greatest Reliever in history should nail down Save #600. If he tags on 1 more, he'll tie the record for the most saves by anyone in history. The most deserving record by an individual in history. Total number of saves needed by the Sandman to achieve that? As luck would have it, Forty Two.

Neither is a guarantee, what with the advanced age of these legends. But both plateaus are eminently achievable. And it's not only a great day on the horizon for the future hall of famers themselves, but it's a great day for us. The other day, ESPNNY ranked the 50 Greatest Yankees of all time. Obviously it was an honor to have seen all or parts of the careers of Mike Mussina (50), Coney (45), Rickey Henderson (40), The Warrior (30), Big Dave (28), Jorgie (21), Bernie (19), Gator (17), Andy (16), reluctantly ARod (13) and especially Donnie Baseball (11).

But it's easier to be considered among the Top 10 Presidents of All Time than it is to be ranked as a Top 10 New York Yankee. And that's where we find our Captain (7) and The Closer (5). Of all the players in the Top 10 - none have played as long together as these guys. Sure, you had Murders' Row with Gherig (2) and Ruth (1). Yogi (6) bridged the gap from Joe D (3) to The Mick (4). For most of the Eisenhower Administration, the storied locker room included not only Yogi and Mickey, but The Chairman of the Board (8).

But we're talking intervals of 5 to 8 years of some of these legends sharing the same real estate. Derek Sanderson Jeter and Mariano Rivera have been among the best, if not the best, at their position every season since 1996. As much as it pains me to admit it, as I'd love nothing more than to be 170 lbs and drinking post-Game Six pink champagne till the sun comes up and ready to do it again the next day, that was a long freaking time ago.

It seems like forever since #51 graced center field in the old stadium. Andy's recently moved on. Jorge's in what's most likely his last season in pinstripes. The opening day catcher from that 96 team is going into his fourth season as skipper. But Jeter and Rivera have been the constant over what's arguably - considering expansion of teams and post season rounds - the longest extended period of dominance in the storied history of the New York Yankees.

We've been old enough to appreciate it, and fortunate enough to witness it. What makes it even more special - and yes, this is only the 1,348th time I've probably told you - is where we came from. Baseball as an institution is never better than when you're 10 years old. And when we were 10, the Yanks were brutal. But it's paid dividends one-hundredfold, and has made all of that bubbly taste even sweeter. It's become who we are:

  • We are billboards for Brut, Getty, Marlboro and Manufacturer's Hanover Trust
  • We are Phil Rizzuto, for six innings before bolting to beat traffic, wishing his paper boy a happy birthday
  • We are Roger Maris, hair falling out from chemo - not pressure - embracing The Mick on his last Old Timer's Day
  • We are Lay's Jacket Day for all fans 14 and under
  • We are Jim Abbot's No Hitter.
  • We are the soothing sound of Eddie Layton's fingers gracing the Hammond Organ
  • We are #1 1/2 - Robert Merrill, singing the national anthem.
  • We are FREDDY SEZ
  • We are sitting in a stadium on a May school night with less than 15,000 in attendance against the Blue Jays
  • We are the "next Babe Ruth" - Bye Bye Balboni
  • We are Donnie Baseball
  • We are the Core Four
  • We are The Voice Of God, kindly asking us to please direct our attention to the area behind home plate
  • We are Wade Boggs - not on a horse, but feebly grounding out to seal Raghetti's 4th of July No Hitter
  • We are Paul O'Neill's "Teenage Wasteland" 
  • We are Sterling & Kay, and know NYY radio hasn't been the same since they split. 
  • We are NOT Kevin Brown, Roger Clemens, Jason Giambi, or Carl Pavano
  • We are Danny Tartabull and Andy Hawkins though
  • We are Dale Berra and Bobby Meacham both being tagged out at home. At the same time. 
  • We are reluctantly accepting of "Cotton Eyed Joe"
  • We are not a 40 foot HD Jumbotron, but rather a glorious black scoreboard donning amber light bulbs
  • We are forever grateful to Gene Michael and Buck Showalter (And Boggs, O'Neill and Jimmy Key) for the turnaround
  • We are Joe Torre - but we're also Stump Merrill
  • We are Luis Sojo asking "Coney, Why don't you have a dance?" 
  • We are George Michael Steinbrenner III
  • We are deserving yet appreciative of the sheer greatness we've seen the last 15 years.
We are the fans, who will tell our children - and their children - that we witnessed the careers of two All Time Legends, from the first time they put on numbers two and forty-two, until the time those same numbers were unveiled in Monument Park.

Play Ball