Beer Review #0003: Dogfish Head Palo Santo Marron

Brewer: Dogfish Head (Milton, DE)

Type: Brown Ale

ABV: 12.0% 

Four Pack: $10.99

Michael Buffer should announce this beer before you drink it. It packs that kind of punch - which isn't surprising given it's high ABV. I haven't quite found the line of demarcation between a strong beer that I can remain somewhat coherent while drinking, and the level at which I'm better off locking myself in the garage with my beer, iPod and a bucket.

I know it's below 12%.

My biggest issue with many high-content brews over time has usually been the distinct, pure-alcohol flavor or after taste. I don't mind a beer that's going to kick my ass a bit, as long as at the end of the day, it still tastes like a beer. Too many (especially the barlewyine styles) taste more like whiskey cut with cough medicine.

The first sip of DFH's Palo Santo definitely had that pure-alcohol bitterness, but to it's credit it subsided very quickly, and once your palate adjusts, it gets smoother and smoother. Picture yourself diving into a freezing pool on a 99 degree day. The initial sting can be brutal  but once you get acclimated, you're refreshed and energized.

As for how the beer actually tastes, it's nothing like other Brown Ales that you may have had. It's no Newcastle, it's no Brooklyn Brown, and it certainly ain't a Sierra Nevada Harvest. The most unique quality I found was, for lack of a better word, an oak-like faintness, much like you may find in a red wine.

Did I mention it was high in alcohol?

After about 3 of them, my wife was convinced it was mushroom tea in my pint glass. Enough said there.

My final report card (numbered stats on a scale of 1-10): 

Bang For The Buck: 6. It's expensive, no doubt. Hard time calling it a bargain. However, the experience is well worth it. Especially if you compare it to the street value of a hallucinogen.

Taste: 8. The bitterness fades as the flavors come out.

Drinkability: 7. Very smooth for a 12%'er but it's not the smoothest of drinks.

1 Makes You Feel: Like you drank a bottle of red wine. 

3 Make You Feel: That you shouldn't be engaging in any conversations. 

4 Make You Feel: There is no pain you are receding, A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.  You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.

Ideal Musical Companion: The Wall.

Ideal Cheeseburger: Riiiiight, you're not eating

If this beer was an athlete, it'd be: Muhammad Ali. Dances like a butterfly, stings like a bee, and at the end of the night, nobody will understand a word you're saying.

Beer Review #0002: Otter Creek Stovepipe Porter

OTTER CREEK STOVEPIPE PORTER

Brewer: Otter Creek Brewing (Middlebury, VT)

Type: Porter

ABV: 5.4% 

Six Pack: $7.49

I like to admit my bias upfront: I friggin LOVE Otter Creek. I've never had a bad beer from OC and just about everyone of them ranks near "Best in Class" in my mind. Which is another thing that separates me from the so-called connoisseurs, who generally don't give their work good marks.  

Having said that, the Stovepipe Porter is probably the OC brew I've drank the least. The connotations that come along with "Porter" often psyche me out: A thick, hearty concoction best drank on cold evenings to ensure a lovely warm slumber. I'm doing my best to fight off that prejudice though, because a porter is a wonderful elixir and I'm going to do my damnedest to work them into the rotation.

As noted, I'm not that big on color but for what it's worth, this poured pretty black and settled a tad bit lighter. Looked thick enough to be serious though. It's head wasn't too overbearing but just substantial enough. But again, I'm not in the business of admiring the color, I'm all about making sure the glass ends up transparent. 

 

First thing I noticed after sip numero uno was this was hoppier than I expected a Porter to be. Once again, a good thing. Me like a the Hop. Also had a bit of a chocolatey-caramel taste to it, but not so much that it was overbearing like I was drinking liquified Snickers. I dug it. 

As far as how it went down, a little bit easier than I anticipated. It was hearty enough but not to the point of "Crap, I'm full". And like many beers, each sip gulp went down easier and easier. The last sip of each glass seemed to be the sweetest. The aftertaste - a term that conjures up some pretty negative imagery - was actually quite enjoyable. Like a band of chocolate dwarves doing somersaults in my mouth.  As I moved on through the sixer, I became more and more relaxed, though not drowsy.

As noted, I'm hardly a Porter expert so I really don't have too many points of comparison, at least not recent ones, but I'll absolutely recommend this to anybody who may share my occasional reservations about Porters. It seems it's smack in the middle of the spectrum of Porters in terms of ABV, so it's neither too weak or too debilitating. And there's certainly nothing wrong with the taste. Once again, The Creek delivers.

My final report card (numbered stats on a scale of 1-10): 

Bang For The Buck: 5. Middle of the road, though about 50 cents cheaper than other porters.

Taste: 7. Erring on the side of caution, as I can't compare it to the Porter field. But I enjoyed it. 

Drinkability: 8. Which is probably a very high mark for it's class. 

1 Makes You Feel: Content

3 Make You Feel: Reflective

6 Make You Feel: Like putting your arm around a shorter man and telling him that he's the shit, and then listing all the reasons why. 

Ideal Musical Companion: Johnny Cash's American IV: The Man Comes Around. Lotta good introspective tracks, though you'll be more inclined to cry during Danny Boy.

Ideal Cheeseburger: Shared plate of Sliders, with a sharp cheese like cheddar or Swiss. The beer is somewhat filling, a 900 calorie monster burger might be enough to lull you to sleep.

If this beer was an athlete, it'd be: David Ortiz. You might be intimidated by the appearance, and if you get stupid, you'll end up in trouble. But don't be scared, it's actually quite easy to handle.

Beer Review #0001: Dale's Pale Ale

So recently it dawned on me that I display "Beer" right smack in the middle of the masthead (does a google-based template even qualify as a masthead?) - yet aside from a few references to my love of the oat soda, I really don't get too much into beer specifically. That ends now with my first in a Thousand Series of the Whiskey Tree Beer Reviews. 

But this isn't going to be some snobby Beer Advocate style review where I moan about the fruitcentric forwardness and how it spoiled my pairing with lox and bruschetta, or the abysmal addition of sulfates that upset me so much that I left my wife. Nah. Just a simple regular man's guide to beer. Basics only.

The question is not whether or not I can find 1,000 beers to review. The question as with everything else in my life is, Will I follow through?

DALE'S PALE ALE

Brewer: Oskar Blues Brewery (Lyons, CO)

Type: Pale Ale

ABV: 6.5% 

Six Pack: $8.49

I've seen Dale's in the beer coolers for years but was always turned off by my most basic of beer prejudices: The Can. Then on Christmas Eve, my wife and I met up with some friends at our old neighborhood pub and Dale's happened to be on tap. Andy's Corner Bar (Bogota, NJ) is renowned in the Northeast for it's craft beer selection, and the staff there is more knowledgeable about beer than Augustus Busch himself, and I was assured, quite bluntly, that the lingering can taste was "in my head" and Dale's would be a worthy purchase.

I don't know that canphobia is necessarily a mental hangup. I enjoy a Budweiser on tap, and I love a Budweiser in a nice cold bottle after mowing the lawn. But Bud in a can? I'm gagging just thinking of it. Then again, maybe those are some Cats in the Cradle issues I need to deal with separately.

So I picked up the sixer of Dales and figured I'd see if I could tackle the can issues. Of course, I poured it directly into a pint glass - but I do that with most beers anyway - bottle, can, tap, anything but a good .40 oz.

If you care about color, this was kinda copper-redish. Honestly, I don't keep up on what constitutes what hue of a drink I'm about to devour. It's a beer, not an accent for the curtains.

The most notable aspect of the pour was that the head was pretty small. To me, that's a good thing. There was no outburst of fizz from the can either, for whatever it was worth. Despite these symptoms, the taste was anything but flat. Nice and crisp with some lingering hops in the aftertaste, a little hoppier than most Pale Ales, but that's fine by me. Actually, it's a bonus in my mind.

Pale Ale is one of my favorite types of beer. Generally go down easy and they pack a solid-but-not-debilitating punch. But this went down super quick. I remember saying to my brother in law "Wow, that's the fastest i've ever drank a six pack of 6% or better beer". And it showed.

A couple of hours later, in 20 degree weather, we were walking 2 miles to the liquor store to load up on light beer.

My final report card (scale of 1-10): 

Bang For The Buck: 6. Average price, slightly above average punch

Taste: 8. About average for a Pale.

Drinkability: 10. Super Smooth. 

1 Makes You Feel: Happy 

3 Make You Feel: Excited 

6 Make You Feel: Like Solving the World's Problems

Ideal Musical Companion: Dave Matthews Band Live at Central Park 

Ideal Cheeseburger: Classic American Cheese with lettuce, tomato and raw onion 

If this beer was an athlete, it'd be: Allen Iverson. You're turned off by the appearance, but you look a little deeper and appreciate it's greatness.